New name - exciting or a bit of a pain?

My OH's ex still calls herself a MRS and has his surname. It's like she's delusional as they've been divorced for 10 years. I wonder if she'll ever settle down with someone again and if she does, would her new fella be happy with her still calling herself Mrs ST?!

Mrs, to me, denotes marriage.. she is no longer married to my OH so change it to Ms so she can still have the same name as her children..

It never crossed my mind not to change my surname to OH. I've never been keen on my surname, it's quite common but the spelling is a bit awkward so I always have to correct people which is a pain.

Mr Kooks surname is very unusual, it's double barrelled (his mum's maiden name and his dad's name) and I really like it. People comment a lot that it's a nice surname to have. His mum owuld prefer us just to use her maiden name but it's important to him to keep it as it is. Also his son has that surname so it'll be nice that we're all the same especially if we have children.

Oooh I never even thought about things like that.....names are a funny old business aren't they!

My "single" identity was shed many years ago when I met my lovely boy. Keeping my name has nothing to do with maintaining a "single" identity. We are getting married because we want to be married. For what it's worth, he is 100 % in agreement and has said he would never dream of asking me to change my name - he doesn't see it as significant and thinks it's patriarchal, outdated nonsense (as do I).

But you could double barrell a surname or the husband could take on the wife's surname instead (I know a couple who did this). They would still have a single identity in that case, which is what you pointed out as being important to you.

It's a total double standard though - the couple don't share a name, she has to assume his - he makes no changes whatsoever. Surely if the couple share everything then everyone would double barrel, or merge their names.

I personally am not getting married to get a different name, there's deed poll for that if I wanted it. I'm getting married because I love my OH and want to celebrate that and be his wife - he wants to be my husband.

The name part of it is absolutely the least significant part.

The point I was making, amongst others, was that some women dont want to take on the "mans" name whereas they seem to forget they are already using a "mans" name albeit being her fathers.. so whats the difference?

Quite a few people still assume that I'm going to be a man if they haven't met me yet, or if they're asking for me on the phone. This, however, doesn't annoy me as much as patients in real life calling me nurse, but that's another story!

I know a lot of female doctors don't change their name but I am quite keen to, and I know at least one who's already done it so I know it's possible! My new signature, which I will have to write many times a day, is more tricky though

I have no issues with her keeping the surname. But to still call herself a Mrs means she is deluding people into thinking she is still married. She isn't a Mrs but she addresses herself as such.

I understand where you are coming from, but if you actually were the new partner it's possible you could have a different POV. I absolutely HATE that she still calls herself MRS ***** and it's mostly because I cannot stand her. She has always been nasty to me even though I started seeing OH 7 years after they split. It's all a bit pathetic in our case but other's might be different. My OH has 2 ex wives and I get along really well with the other one. She's lovely.

We had this issue when his son's friend's dad offered to drop OH home after football, not realising they were well and truly split and he lived with me 45 miles away!

I'd be a B (colour) too if I was changing, bit I'm another one who isn't.

Love my old english surname and can trace the line directly back to a bloke born in 1190.

I'm looking forward to changing my name a sign of moving on in life and all that! My first name is small but easily mispelled and my current surname is always mispronounced mispelled! Even though it is relativly simple! New surname I thought yipee everyone will be able to spell that when applying for Registrar he sent out packs to us and low and behold his name was spelt wrong!! DOH guess I'm in for a lifetime of saying hi my name is blah blah thats b...l.....a

?

It has no bearing on my life either but it doesn't stop me disliking it. Plus I have to see her EVERY weekend and deal with her nonsense. She's a right cow.

Not necessarily. My surname is from my mother's family and is not my father's name. My commitment to our marriage changes not one iota for not taking his name.

I like my Surname, and i'm quite excited about having my OH's surname, although it's going to take some getting used to. For a joke I asked my OH if he would change his surname to mine, or if he would do a double barrelled surname, but he got really quite defensive about it and wasn't having any of it because he likes him surname. I didn't realise how much it meant to him to have me take his surname, which i'm really proud to be doing. Although it's only a very small part of the whole marriage, People don't get married to change their surname, they get married to show their everlasting commitment to the one they love!

Although one of H2B's brother's did say "if she's not changing her name, what's the point of getting married?"

But I think that just shows him up to be an ignorant (unmarried) twallock!

So you are basically calling me an ignorant (unmarried) twallock too then?

Hmmmm no, don't think I said that! Why, do you feel like one??

He thought the ONLY reason to get married was to change your name and there was no other point.

Isnt it a pity that there can be a 4 page adult, mature discussion then someone has to come and lower the tone.. how incredibly petty and common...

Ha i am going the othe rway round - have a double barrelled surname whic i ALWAYS have to spell out and going to just 1 surname, which feels wierd!!!

This is just a big PITA as far as I can see.

I will still go by by maiden name (to kids at school anyway), but everything else paperwork-wise will be changed to my OH's surname, but I don't feel too happy about it tbh. He really wants me to, so I will do it for that reason.

I dislike my maiden name as it is weird, but OH's is even weirder and SOOOOO does not go with my first name in any of its versions (I can have 3, one being my full name and I never go by that, but it is the only one that sounds vaguely okish with OH's weird last name).

I really don't want to change. But I also don't want to make an issue out of it as it means so much to OH.

It's such a weird one isn't it! I'm changing from the longest, most difficult Greek surname to Smith!!! Feeling quite sad about it at the mo, like I'm losing my identity but also excited to have his name too. A weird jumble of emotions. This time in 12 weeks & 1 day I'll be Smith - eek!

Interesting ideas... my mum is a widow, so by some theories on here, should she technically have reverted back to her maiden name because she is "no longer a wife"??! Does the fact that a marriage or relationship is over (through divorce/death/separation mean someone is no longer allowed to acknowledge what they once were?

I don't think that is the same at all. IMO when you sleep with your husband's best friend I think that you should lose the right to call yourself Mrs X, especially now when there is going to be a new Mrs X.

In the case of your parents, your Mum is Mrs X and always will be unless she decides not to be anymore. There will never be another Mrs X and that is why I think it is different.

Me too Dilly, it is really surprising how much discussion the topic has caused - all the more reason for me keeping it simple and wanting my own name. Darn OH with his old fashioned ways!

If I am perfectly honest, I don't really have much of an opinion on that because it's not my situation but thinking about it now, if it was me and I had been 'scorned' so to speak, I doubt I would want to keep the surname of a rat bag.

AC didn't call you an ignorant twallop (is that a word?). She called her BIL2B an ignorant twallop. If you think it was a personal insult (i.e. generalisations become personally applied), then by that token, you are calling me an immature commitment-phobe who shouldn't be getting married?

I was the "innocent party" but I divorced the adulterous rat and then changed my name back to my maiden name, my boys (obviously) still have the same name as him but in my opinion, I was no longer married to it so no longer wanted to bear his name..

If you want to play silly word games then thats fine but the rest of us here are trying to have a mature conversation...

Sorry, did I misread the part where you said that girls who didn't change their names were commitment-phobes, clinging onto a "single" life, who didn't think their husbands were quite good enough and were too immature to get married? Now, I assume you would not personally level that judgement at anyone in particular, you were voicing a general opinion. So why should others not be allowed to voice a not-directed-at-anyone-here opinion, in this case, that the person who questioned AC's lack of name-changing was an ignorant twallop?