New name - exciting or a bit of a pain?

This would apply to me, I was married for 10 years and am now divorced and have kept my old married name for the sake of my son. I will change it too OH's name when I get married next year. All of my documentation still says Mrs ********** and if my ex meets someone and they take a dislike to me still using my old married name it would be tough cheddar. My ex isn't bothered, OH isn't bothered and it doesn't make any difference to our lives as I have a decree absolute to say I am divorced from him. My mother still has my dads name and is still a Mrs on her paperwork and they divorced 40 odd years ago!!

I personally think that one of the most exciting things about marriage is committing yourself to each other and becoming a family unit. An obvious way to show this to the world is to become Mr and Mrs. Now whether that means I turn from Miss C to Mr and Mrs D, Mr and Mrs C-D or Mr and Mrs C, I don't really care. I just love the idea that we're officially together and I'd like to shout it from the rooftops. It's a symbol of unity, isn't it?

We've been married almost 7 months and I've still to change my name on most things, actually the only thing I've done so far is the Dr, really must get round to it!

I'm taking my H2B's surname, it means a lot to him and as he's taken on my two children I want to do something for him. Plus it's better than my maiden name...

I actually prefer my maiden name, but will be changing it to my H2b's - i've tried to convince him to change his to mine, or to combine them, but he's not having any of it!!

I understand that sharing a surname may be important to some (although, to me, the most important symbol of being married is, well, the act of marriage itself). However, as noble a premise as "it doesn't matter which name you take" is, in practice, very few men take their girl's surname. In fact, the responses outlined here show something akin to horror from some of the boys that girls would not take their surname. And these responses are accompanied by explanations about how importnant it is for the boy to have the girl take his name etc. Why is this is a valid argument (that girls pander to boys' alpha maleness) when the opposite - it's very importnant I keep my name - is dismissed as a sign of immaturity, a desire to retain singledom or being phobic about "proper" commitment?

So, all things equal, I'd have no problem with your premise. But things aren't equal and girls are still expected - by men, and more distressingly, other girls - to change their name.

Personally I prefer my surname - but probably just because I've been LC for 28 (exactly) years now. I think if I wasn't to take OH's surname, then it would be unfair of me to expect him to take mine. Because why should I refuse to lose my surname but expect him to take mine? I think that's double standards. A compromise would be for us to become Mr and Mrs C-D, and has lead to multiple conversations about baby names (oliver, louise, etc) with the funny initials OCD, LCD, etc etc...

Maybe that's just me being immature!

I agree. I would never ever make a judgement against any woman who decides to lose her maiden name. But I do think its sad when I hear people on here say that they feel like they are losing part of their identity because, although there are so many options of combining names etc, it still isn't considered the done thing by most people to keep your surname. I really wanted to keep my surname and take on my OH's surname as well (and he would do the same with my surname) but almost everyone I know irl apart from OH and my grandma have been pointing out problems with this idea. Its got to the point now where I feel like caving in and doing what everyone wants me to do. I love my maiden name - its very unique and means so much to me when I think about all the people I have loved who share that name with me; to not have that name any more would make me feel really sad.

I wanted to change my name as I HATE it with a passion. I am happy to take his but I'm a little p'd off that he won't even consider merging our names. Most of the merges sound quite frankly rubbish but I came up with a good one, that he even said he liked, but he point-blank won't change it. His choice I know, and I'm not saying any more about it to him, but it would have been a way of having the same name (and for our potential future offspring too) without one person having to change completely while the other stays the same.

It is much more common for ladies to change, and it's cheaper and less hassle, so if only one has to change then it's me, plus I hate my name... BUT STILL, I wanted to merge!

I definitly feel like I am losing a part of my identity. I love my surname and my new name doesn't go so well (it's not bad, just doesn't quite roll off the tongue so easily). I'll also go from being in the middle of the alphabet to the end so I will have to wait till last for everything now. Grrrr. However...it really means a lot to my OH and I know he would be hurt if I didn't take his surname. Silly male pride maybe, but he has made some big concessions about other areas of the wedding where we have had different opinions on what to do. So, I guess it's only fair that something goes his way! After all I keep telling myself, it's only a name and once I get used to it, I probably won't remember that I ever felt this strongly about it. I've told him I won't change it until he does all the paperwork though!

THAT is what I think is so sexist and old fashioned! It's the 21st century, why does it still have to be so hard for men to change their surnames after marriage?! *storms off angrily*

I cant wait to get married and become my husbands property. I am going to give up on my career too and make sure that I have his dinner on the table every night when he gets in and basically do whatever he tells me too, its my role as a woman after all.

Totally agree with this. keep the surname but be a Ms (im not a fan of Ms but needs must!)

My mum on the other hand is widowed and gets annoyed when people automatically write Ms instead of Mrs. She is still Mrs ....... even though her husband passed away.

x

I think we're decided that OH will take my surname - his idea, his choice. I would have happily taken his name, but when he hears his surname, he thinks of his d**khead father.

The only thing is my surname starts with a vowel and my first name ends with the same vowel which sounds odd when people say both together. I do tend to shorten my first name, missing off the last letter and it sounds much better

This is something very close to my heart. My mum has been married 4 times, the first time to my dad, and I had his surname from when I was born. They divorced when I was 4 and my mum retained her married name but married someone else quite quickly. It was really hard for me and my brother growing up with a different name to our mum and trying to explain it to our friends. She divorced again, and remarried again a few years later, and this time my brother and I decided to change our surnames to that of our new stepdad (this is when I was 13). Unfortunately that marriage also broke down a few years later in a very unpleasant and painful way for us all, following which my mum reverted to her maiden name as a means of shaking off all association with that marriage (although leaving me and my brother stuck with it) and now she is married again and has a whole other surname which is of no relevance to me or my brother.

The idea of getting married and taking on a family name which has some meaningful family identity to it beyond all the painful memories of my childhood is VERY appealing and I can't wait. OH has said repeatedly that I don't need to change my name and he disagrees with the whole patriarchal aspect of a woman taking her husband's name, but bother him! I want to have his name!

It is a real schlep to spell though. Stupid Italians!

I cant wait to be Mr & Mrs H... rather than Mr H and Miss S... or Mr H and his "partner". I really dont like the word partner, fiance or wife seems to mean more (to me) though...

Hadn't even thought of this!

I will be taking my OH's name, and am very excited to be doing so. We have talked about it and neither of us like the idea of double barreling or merging, though he did say if I didn't want to take his he'd be happy to take mine. Which pleased me as even though I want to take his I do think it would annoy me slightly if he wanted me to do something he wouldn't be prepared to do himself.