Newly engaged at Uni...need advice!

I wrote a huge reply and Hitched ate it! grrrr

Welcome along and congrats on your engagement!

You ask about saving up- how long are you planning on being engaged for? Once you have that you need to just to work out your budget and what you can afford and take it from there.

Have a good nose through the forum- you will get lots of ideas

Enjoy!

Hello! Welcome Do you have jobs/accomm etc lined up for after graduation, and how long will you have to save up before you want to have the wedding? Just be careful with whateve rbudget you set as things can quickly get out of hand - I can't imagine trying to wedding plan on a limited student/grad budget so good luck with that!

Good luck and welcome! I would say be careful with planning your budget and setting a date, give yourself plenty of time as costs can quickly spiral if you're not careful. Have you got jobs etc lined up for after you both graduate and will you be moving in together?

Thank you!

We're hoping to get married next summer, we want a summer wedding and this summer would be too soon! So the ideal would be summer 2013.

xx

I have a full time job in a chocolate factory (which I have worked at over the years so they know me very well and they are extremely flexible). I have this (rubbish) job until I find my career focus. My fiance is going into primary teaching and he doesn't have a job lined up at the moment, but he can start applying now for september. Otherwise he'll be doing supply (which is ridiculously good pay!)

We're thinking of a wedding in summer 2013.

Thank you!

Congratulations on the engagement! I would say before setting your date decide what you want and then enquire how much it costs. This will give you an idea of a budget and then you can see how long realistically it would take you to save for it. We expected that we could do it all for £10k but then our venue alone came in at £8k because we both have a lot of people we want there. We were lucky that my parents said they would give us £10k towards it so we can have what we want for next summer, otherwise it would have been another year of saving for us! We are doing a lot ourselves to help with costs - cake, sweetie table, stationary, jewellery and table decorations so you could do this depending on how creative you are.

As regards work just bare in mind that although supply is good money its not regular work so you cannot rely on it. Also agencies take quite a cut from it. However, if your fiance doesnt get a job before September then its a good way into schools who would usually prefer to give a job that comes up to someone they know. Lots of jobs will come up after Easter so thats a good time to look and being a bloke applying for primary school jobs is always a bonus!

Thank you for the advice Victoria030384...you sound like a lady who is experienced in the teaching profession!

I think because everything is just unsure at the moment...and I'm an organised person and HATE not being able to do stuff yet...I just want to know everything!!

It's frustrating not knowing our budget and stuff...but the advice of knowing how big our venue needs to be and stuff is a good point

Thank you!

xx

Hi MissHarwood, congratulations on your engagement!

When I started wedding planning I was totally clueless about how much stuff cost so went along to a wedding fair and spoke to people about venues, photographers, stationary, florists, cakes, cars, make up... everything! Although wedding fairs don't always have the cheapest suppliers it gave me a rough idea of average costs and really help us set a budget and then from that work out a suitable date for us.

Write your guest list now and do it properly so you can decide what your minimum numbers are (family and very close friends only) and what your maximum numbers could be if you invite everyone you know, then look at venues that can take your numbers. It's easy to upscale and invite more people if you save more money but it could be heartbreaking to have cut people if you go over budget.

We're saving from a student/part time work budget and it is possible as long as you are realistic about how much you can save and what you get for your money. We're trying to keep our numbers down for the meal then inviting more people in the evening so it keeps the cost down a bit.

You sound alot like me a year ago! We got engaged during our second year of uni (2009) and are getting married this summer. I did my PGCE last year and did supply from September until the end of January and whilst the pay is good when you can get it there were some months (normally the beginning/ middle of terms) where I would only get 5/600 a month which when you are saving for a wedding isn't great. I was lucky in that my other half got a decent job straight out of uni but I will say it has been a massive stress for the last year wondering where the money was going to come from (and that is with my parents paying half). So basically my advice is start planning and getting ideas but maybe hold off booking anything until September/ October when you have a better idea of where you are financially as it is a massive stress we could have done without.

That said I have now secured my first teaching position and we are all set for the wedding in July but if I knew when I started booking what I know we would probably have been having an Autumn half term wedding!

Yes i am also a teacher in primary so have a good idea of how it works. Its also worth baring this in mind when picking your date as your OH will not be able to get time off during term time for a honeymoon.

Venue for us was always number one on the list as we wanted somewhere beautiful that didnt mean we were limited in terms of guests either. Many places we looked at could only cater for 60-70 in the ceremony and we have 90+ for ours.

The bonus of starting planning now is you have plenty of time to shop around for deals. This will save you a fortune on some things.

Enjoy the planning - its great!

Oh and dont be afraid to start planning - i also couldn't wait so didn't! Looking around costs nothing and you can while away hours on the net getting ideas. Thats all the fun!

I would say be careful with planning your budget and setting a date, give yourself plenty of time as costs can quickly spiral if you're not careful.

Hurrah, congratulations!

From another primary school teacher here, one of the cost-cutting bits of advice I would have would be to consider a mid-week wedding - as Victoria has mentioned, if you want a honeymoon straight after the wedding then school hols are your only option, and if you want a Summer wedding, expect Saturdays in Summer to be way pricier than other days. That said, we're getting married the first Saturday of the Summer hols (I have forewarned my class they may well be stitching bunting in the last week of term, the rate I'm going ? ) BUT we're having a church wedding (same cost regardless), wedding breakfast in a restaurant (set price per head but no venue charge as such), and then have hired our village hall (set price per day all year round) so a Saturday wedding hasn't changed our cost. For the hotel or single venue types, this will have an impact though - and some places easily book up 2-3 years in advance for a summer Saturday wedding so definitely start thinking about venues now!

Thank you for the advice everyone!!

I've told my OH about this discussion I set up 'oh youre a clever lady!' He has no idea!!

The problem with a weekday wedding is that people who aren't teachers have to get the time off work.

Also, the groom's family are from the north and the wedding is gonna be in the south...so Im thinking Sunday is going to be the best day for the wedding, so then family and friends can travel down on the saturday.

Anyone have any opinions on a sunday wedding?

The problem with this is that they'd all have to either leave early on Sunday to get home, or take off work on the Monday..

Congratulations, by the way! As for saving for the wedding, unless you absolutely really really NEED certain things, I would keep everything to the bare minimum and DIY as much as possible if I were in your situation. Remember, you're starting a new life together, too, and you'll need money for a downpayment on a house or flat together, and generally setting yourselves up in your new life.

The first thing you should do is write out a list of priorities. Things you need, things you really want, things you'd like to have, and then things you think you can do without. Then shop around to see what average prices are for things so you can make a budget. Look seriously at winter or half-term dates as they might be cheaper and low-season, and once you come up with a budget for the wedding, do a weekly or monthly household budget as well to see where you can save pennies here and there.

I wouldn't put a deposit down on anything you're not entirely sure you'll be able to afford, also. It's too bad the two of you will be apart for a while, too. Will you each be back with your parents? Because if you can avoid paying rent a couple months, that's quite a bit of savings right there!

I personally would wait. As with most things that are supposed to be for life there's no reason to rush into them. Is there a specific reason you want to marry in 2013? If not, there's no harm in waiting a little while, is there? It would be better for you to be financially secure enough to afford what you want. It's no fun spending all your money on a wedding only to be broke for 10 years afterwards. I have seen people in that position, it's hard on them.

Aaah! It's the same problem for a saturday aswell though! They'd have to travel down on the friday and get work off!!

Thats a good idea, to write down the things we need etc. Haven't thought about that.

I'm definitly living with my rents as I have a job secured, but my OH is looking for a job so he's not sure where he's living, but it planning to live with his rents. So we'll be saving money in that sense,

I totally understand about waiting for an extra year...but 2014 seems so far away! Not sure if I could live 2 years without my man!

x

Would it be more worth while to put your time, energy and savings into living together first?

Because if not you'll have a wonderful wedding, then still be living with your parents as you have no money left for a house deposit (either renting or mortgage!). So techinically you'll still be apart.

I'm not sure I could marry someone I hadn't lived with, shared bills with, argued over the washing-up with etc. They say you don't truely know someone until you live with them!

My OH and I lived together in halls in our first year of university, and we live together in a flat with rents this last year of uni, so we have lived together and most definitely know each other's habitant issues!

So thats not a problem ?

x

Another thought is if you really want to be married, you could just get married at the registrar's office and have a party at your parent's house, or just rent out a restaurant for an evening. It wouldn't have to be all the traditional wedding stuff.

I can't council you to wait an extra year as I compeltely understand the feeling, but why not get married on the cheap and wait 5 years and do a big renewal of vows then with the dress, reception, cake, etc?

I'd rather wait for an extra year saving than get married in a registrar's office and party it at my rents!!

Still, got to consider all the options!

Thank you xx

Hi Miss Harwood

I got engaged in my 1st year at uni, and now I have finished and we are getting married this december. I think it is possible to afford the wedding next year, but you will have to save really hard - it is a challenge, trust me! and thats with our parents helping us out with about 1/2 the money! I have just bought little bits as I have been able to afford them, such as invitations, rings, shoes etc so there is not as much money going out all at once, and I also got a job to help fund everything. Other than that I guess you just need to decide what is important as everyone else has said, and do a budget wedding - lots of people do and it can still be just as lovely!

I lived with my H2B in halls and in a shared house too, before we bought our place after we graduated. It's very different living without flatmates and parents! It's also very different living together when you both have full-time jobs and have to keep the house ticking over too.

And muchos more expensive!

Sorry I'm not trying to lecture you, I just don't want you to think living in halls or with your parents is the same as paying for and running your own house whilst keeping the fridge full and cooking meals etc.

Don't discount a midweek wedding until you've looked at the figures. for example with my venue, on the saturday at would have cost 8 grand, we're getting married on the thursday for £3000, and on a monday would only be £2000!!!!

We're getting married on the thursday before the bank holiday weekend and if people won't take a day of work to come then it's their loss.

Don't blame you. What sort of person would get married like that?

Oh yeah,...me.

Same end result, no matter where you get hitched.

I'm just a newly engaged bride-to-be who has high hopes and ridiculous wishes...so this discussion is to bring me down to reality!

Thank you ladies!

x

You just need to decide what is important to you. You could have a sweet small wedding for not much money pretty quickly or a big white wedding with all the bells and whistles for alot more money in a few years time. You will get loads of advice on here for budget ideas but getting a home together is a bigger issue than a wedding at the moment for the 2 of you (in my opinion!) x

Hello!

We got engaged whilst we were at uni as well, in our second year. We didn't start planning until I had finished my Masters (so my 4th year!) and we were quite lucky that D went straight into a brilliant graduate scheme from graduating in 2010. I know how you feel about wanting to get planning straight away! I was raring to go but D wouldn't let me and I'm glad he didn't. I hugely underestimated the cost and stress involved.

First thing to do would be decide how much you think is reasonable and work out where the money is coming from. If you're paying for the wedding yourselves be aware that its not as easy as it sounds to pay for a wedding, especially if you're moving into your first home together along with running a car.

I guess with regards to saving its important to save what you can afford. Don't over stretch yourself budget wise. There's no sense in starting married life in debt.

Hello!!! welcome!

I am in my final year at uni (finish in 2 months ish) me and OH have been together just over 5 years and got engaged in November 2011...We started by drawing up a few guest lists of, 100% must be there right the way through to evening only guests, I would do this before looking at venues...you don't realise how difficult it is to keep numbers down!!...We have started by looking at venues and a few wedding fayre for ideas on what sort of a day we want style wise...we have seen about 8ish venues and only like one up to now! When i finish uni we will both be living at our parents houses to save money for a house...we are planning on a year or so at parents houses to really get the deposit pot started then renting until we can afford a house and get a mortgage etc...OH has a full time job at the moment and i work part time whilst at uni but i am already applying for jobs for when i leave...we won't be booking anything until i have a job secured...We are waiting until summer 2014 which seems ages away but the speed my life is moving at the moment it will be here sooner than i know it!!

Have you decided on a budget? Are you getting any contributions from parents? It is really difficult to save for a wedding and a house or pay rent etc we are lucky that our parents are donating between £6-8k between them so we are hoping that this will cover the wedding and we can just concentrate on the house...as someone else has said we really don't want to book a wedding, be tied down to funding that but have nowhere to live together after so for us it's worth knocking the wedding back for a couple of years.

Budget wise if you haven't had a look at venue prices yet (i believe the main expense) then i suggest you do...if you don't want to have a simple wedding and you are looking for something a bit more swish then i think you'll be suprised at the cost!! the food and drink for us for 70/80 day guests and 150 in the evening for a fairly standard 3 course/wine/welcome drink/evening food etc is coming in at £5500 this is at a nice venue including room hire @ £1050...however there are plenty of places that charge nearly £5000 venue hire for a summer saturday wedding (sundays and fridays not much cheaper!!) if you don't have anything saved yet then maybe see how that goes after uni first...

I have worked part time throughout my third year and will have £2000 saved by the end my degree, after this i will be working more hours whilst trying to find a job but i have to be realistic about budget until i get that job...Personally i wouldn't book anything until you have a bit more certainty in what will happen after uni (unless your parents are funding the wedding and a house) it sucks but you'll have a much more relaxed and stress free wedding if you are all sorted and you have your jobs/house/finances sorted

It can be very easy to get carried away (i do all the time) but i suppose in the long run if you are going to be together forever whats an extra year to wait to marry? just means you have longer to get excited

Good Luck with everything!! x

Thank you for the advice!

We don't know about budget yet. We have done a very rough one based on the job I have lined up in a chocolate factory (which wouldn't be much pay) and guessing that my OH will get a teaching post straight away. It's guess work at the moment.

We don't know about contributions from families yet. We actually haven't seen any of our family since we got engaged, but are seeing them all this weekend and next, so we can actually celebrate a bit over the engagement and then probably discuss budgets down the line over the next few months.

My dad runs his own business and is really struggling at the moment, so I'm not assuming they can give us any money. So any budget we do at the moment is on our own backs.

I told my OH about everyone's advice on a 2014 wedding instead of 2013, and we can both see the benefits. It's just the emotions that take hold: wanting to be with each other.

We have got friends who got married very quickly or are getting married quickly, who really struggled with money, and their weddings weren't that nice, or they haven't been able to have a honeymoon, or even live together afterwards, and we've always said we don't want that. So everyone's advice of a 2014 wedding will hopefully allow us to do it all!

x

I think you're being very sensible in considering moving the date to 2014. We got engaged in 2009 and always said we would get married in 2012. But we put off saving etc and when we finally booked the date we suddenly realised how much of a struggle it would be to save and run a house at the same time. We've been very lucky that our parents have been able to help us. We have all struggled through it together though. (I did kind of spring it on him and everyone else last summer that we either get married 2012 or 2014 so he had to choose NOW. I refused to get married in 2013. Poor bloke)

It will all come together, its possible to do it on a smaller budget if you're careful. But the longer you have to save the more chance you have of not ending up in debt over it. x

I refused to get married in 2013 too! Daft I know!

I had already told OH that I didn't want to get engaged until we were ready to plan a wedding. So we waited until he had finished his PhD and I had started mine. That way I had a secure salary for four years and he had his next job lined up. And 2011 was when all that had fallen into place, and so true to his word I got a sparkly ring!