NickJ

Oh yes!

well i d already told you what it was, i just took it further. for anyone else, the jist was that we were watching obama on something, and i said to madam that his inauguration would be amazing because of the outfits. she asked why so i said that his Grandfather had fought at the battle of Rorkes drift, and as a result, Obama was an honorary Zulu warrior, and as such, at ceremonial occaions, he was obliged to wear the outfit, and his family too. she took this on board, hook, line and sinker ? and i just couldnt keep my face straight in the end.

the following day, i sent her this ?

Waaaahhh, fabulous. I do love that MrsNick is a fellow dimwit ?

MrP hasn't managed to get me this week, things are looking up.

I got her at the weekend too. we were driving along in her car, and i thought she was driving really badly, so i said that i wished the card had dual controls so i could take over. she looked lost ? so i had to explain that some driving instructors have cars with a brake and a clutch in the passnger footwell so in an emergency they could take over. all true of course...

i then went on to say how they carry an extra steering wheel under their seat and clamp it on to the dashboard if things get tricky ? and she said "oh right - so do they get their own gearstick as well then?" ?? god i was crying ?

she STILL didnt understand why i was laughing and i actually had to ask her if she thought the gearstick in THE MIDDLE wasnt enough ?

Nick that is HILARIOUS! The thought of someone clamping a steering wheel onto the dash from under their seat. Genius! ?

? Not even i would have fallen for that!

no? you wouldnt fall for that but yet you would fall for............. the reason the duvet is on your husbands side in the middle of the night is due to the earths gravitational pull? ??

I dunno, you tell a friend something in confidence ?

You never said it was in confidence!..waaaaah! ?

We told a girl at work that they were renaming the White House to the Black house, because it was the first black president. - she fell for it and told all her friends.....

I am afraid I am as dim as Mrs Nick,

When we got my new car we went for tiptronic as I have only a automatic licence, when discussing how it could be driven in auto or manual by flipping the paddle things I said "won't that be weird not having a gear stick?" and S told he he had ordered a pop up one that popped out of the floor pan for when he fancied driving manual as he wasn't keen on the flappy paddles. I believed him for weeks and even told friends it was one of the extras we had ordered?

oh god ??

i think my best one with madam is when i told her that there was a large colony of black bears who lives on the west coast of scotland. i kept her going with this for 5 years ?. anyway, we went up for a long weekend, and the (so scottish it hurt) hotel owner was chatting to us and asking us if we d like any details on anything to see or do and mrsnick said "oooh! yes please, can you tell me whereabouts we can find the bears?" and the guy looked at her, looked at me, looked back at her and said "nae bears here lassie". and the look on her face will stay with me til the day I die ?. she then turned to me and said "you ve been winding me up having you?" and i couldnt reply because i was doubled up, already crying from having to keep in the laughter ?

See I'd be like Mrs Nick, we're obviously too trusting?

Gear stick.

Bears.

Gravitational pull.

???

My sides hurt. ?

Look we are all just trusting, not dim, we just believe what our man folk tell us ?

To tell the full story about the duvet...

Our heating died and only MrP' side of the heating blanket worked so i asked to swap as I was freezing at night. We'd been having an issue with MrP stealing the duvet. However, when I slept on his side the duvet still came over that side, so i concluded it couldn't be his fault and must be down to something else.

A few nights later I said "Oh btw, I noticed that when I was sleeing on your side, the duvet still moved", he replied "Oh yes, I meant to tell you, I did some research and it's down to the gravitational pull of the earth as it spins". I was all wide eyed and said "Wow, that's really cool, you'd never think you could feel the earth spinning", by this point he couldn't keep it in any longer and started to giggle, calling me an idiot. I rolled over in a huff muttering how it sounded very logical ?

It's rumoured that this is even more dim than the "special cows"

dont forget pooch's special cows ?

The special cows thing is coming true, Pooch was just ahead of her time

L
xx

Aahhhhhhhhh!

?

Bears ??

I can just picture that in my mind, am almost crying with laughter and getting very funny looks from my colleagues.

I think you'd have fun winding up my mum, I've even got her with the old 'gullible is being taken out of the dictionary' in the past. Bless her.

Special cows?

Whilst I'm on a roll, I had a very bad week a couple of weeks ago and every time I spoke something dim would come out. This was a dialogue MrP and I had whilst watching Jonathan Ross interviewing Parky and showing clips of the people he'd interviewed during his career:

Meh cool it's Frank Sinatra
MrP: Er, no, that's Fred Astaire
Me: Yeah but they are the same person (being very snotty)
MrP: No, they are two different people, the different names kind of give it away
Me: No, Frank Sinatra, played Fred Astaire, he was just a character in the movies not a real person (even snottier)
MrP: <shaking head> I give up you with you, you really are an idiot aren't you?

pooch asked her H about how spreadable butter is made. he told her that it was churned from milk produced by special cows, who s milk was full of air, and much lighter than normal milk ?

i LOVE the frank sinatra one too ?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Stop, stop, I can't take any more. ?

Wasn't it Arctic cows so their milk was used to colder conditions? Or was than a later addition that he tried to add on when re-telling the story (swine) ?

My H also loves wind-ups but they don't work on me anymore after him telling me that the cat shows his sister took to show her Persians at involved the cats doing those assault-type courses like the ones dogs do at Crufts.

He prefers to do them on his ever-gullible best mate. The best two I know of are that he once convinved him, for ages, that the Queen Mother's first name was really Morag, and that one of the boys at their (Catholic) school had taken Judas as his confirmation name.

Waaahhh, thanks Jess ?

I'm back on the pills now, so all is ok with my tiny brain ?

These are so funny!!! ?

? Oh pooch, bless you!!

I can't decide if the cows or the gravitational pull are my favourite. ?

My most recent 'special' moment, was when we were ordering the new car.

Mr MF went to the show room and ordered it, I was trying to be all in charge and told exactely what extras I needed, we had already had a discussion about air con, he wanted it, I didn't.

I then told him I want child locks on the back doors, he told me they weren't necessary, he tried to continue the discussion, but I was being very stubborn telling him, that I obviously cared more about our childs wellfare (is that the right word?) so rather than arguing he went off and ordered the car.

When the time to go and collect the car came, I told him I wanted to to be the one to collect it and he could wait in his car with the baby.

The sales person sat in the car with me and went through everything, he told me when the car started to move 8MPH the doors would lock automatically, I said 'oh good, is that the child locks?' the guy looked at me and said 'No' I said oh ok, so are the child locks fitted on the back doors? to which he replied 'Mrs MF, it is a three door car, there is no need for child locks' I started to feel cross, so went on to say 'I know my husband ordered the car, but it is my car I know what I want and I need, and what I need are child locks in the back so I can make sure my son is safe, so please don't tell me I don't need them'

He looked a bit shocked at my little outburst, but very calmly told me once again that the car is a three door car and therefore there are no doors in the back to need to child locks!

I was mortified at being such a plum, I knew the Fiat 500 was three door, so I have no idea what I was thinking!

When Mr MF came across to see if I was happy with everything he had ordered, I said yes, he asked me if I was ok about the child locks, I asked him why didn't he remind me it was a 3 door, and he told me he tried to but I went off on one, so he left me to it!

?

? at child locks on non-existant doors. Poor sales guy. ?

<snort>

These are priceless, just what I need to cheer me up before going home!

I was on a train with my parents and H and found a thing like a split ring but instead of it just being a ring, the ends pointed into the centre.

I said "oh I've never seen one of those"

Dad - "ah that's a gromicle"

Me - "is it? What are they for?"

Dad - "you find them in car engines. They are very important to the working mechanism and lots of garages forget to check them. They reciprocate with the wirral and the thrimp"

Move on 2 years later until I'm buying my first car with H and they were talking about the engine of the car

Me "Can I just confirm that the gromicle has been checked...."

Attendant looked blank, H and later Dad fall about laughing ?

A few years ago a F1 driver lost his licence for drink driving, I asked my husband if this meant he could no longer race, He fell about laughing. I thought it was a perfectly logical question but apparently not ?