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lauren700
Beginner

No children at evening - just me or odd?

lauren700, 8 June, 2011 at 21:16 Posted on Planning 0 24

So my sister and her hubby and daughter have been invited to a wedding but the daughters invite runs out at 7.30 and she has to leave - she's 6! Anyone else think this is a bit odd? the couple also have two children and are having a baby sitter to take them away ?

24 replies

Latest activity by Annah304, 9 June, 2011 at 20:23
  • *Mini*
    Beginner January 2012
    *Mini* ·
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    Nope!

    I wouldnt have invited the kiddies in the first place!

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  • Annah304
    Beginner April 2011
    Annah304 ·
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    That is a bit odd - we invited children to ours and of course some of the people who had kids had to leave a bit earlier than others, but we certainly wouldn't have said that the children had to leave by a certain time!

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  • K
    Beginner June 2011
    kat73 ·
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    We went to a wedding last year no children were invited the bride hired a nanny to look after their child at home we have invited children to our wedding day & night so guests dont have to find babysitters not unless they want to we left it up to them to decide besides weddings are all about families getting together we have hired a bouncy castle to keep them amused

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  • lauren700
    Beginner
    lauren700 ·
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    That was my thoughts kind of all or nothing

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  • Saisi
    Beginner June 2011
    Saisi ·
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    I think it is understandable, although perhaps they haven't phrased it/gone about it in the best way.

    Purely drawing on my own experiences of being dragged to weddings as a kid, they weren't much fun in the evening as they usually involved a lot of drunken adults, very loud music (and I like a LOT of children was very sensitive to this) and generally were boring and I would get tired and grumpy.

    We don't have any children coming really (we didn't ban them, we just don't know any or know anyone with very young children) but if we did I would have personally preferred a child-free evening. I don't think I would have gone down the formal route and put that on the invitations, but I can understand why the bride and groom have requested it.

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  • kerrylou89
    Beginner August 2011
    kerrylou89 ·
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    I have to agree abit all or nothing.. we said from day one we didnt want children, not that we dont like them its just i want the parents of children to have a relaxing day and enjoy themselves and have a drink or two, otherwise there going to have to be on their toes all day and night and have to be careful. Im a nursery nurse and love children but i just didnt want them at the day or night, as i feel children can get tired and grumpy as the evening begins due to loud music, lots of people and drunken adults, and i didnt particually want my other guests to have to watch what they say around children, i want everyone to be able to relax Smiley smile

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  • S
    Beginner May 2012
    sr3693 ·
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    Hey,

    we're not having children at the day but they are welcome to the evening party, for a few reasons really, cost is one, the amount of ppl we can fit in the ceremony room and also i dont want children crying/running around cuz they are bored during the ceremony/breakfast..

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  • HayleyMay
    Beginner September 2012
    HayleyMay ·
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    Very odd!! Where do they expect the children to go?! Someones gotta go out of their way to pick them up! Or is it ''if you've got kids you have to leave too!'' Very strange! I'd be tempted to say no thanks to the invite and be just as weird as them! x

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  • C
    Beginner August 2011
    chattygirl ·
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    When we were looking at our numbers we noticed we would have 32 boys under 8!! It would have just been wild! so, we just wrote the parents names on the invites and not the kids, but we did not say "dont bring your children" really just hoping to cut the number of wild 8 year olds slightly.... But as i say we have not "banned" children and we wont be upset if they do bring them as we have not formally requested they dont come! ?

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  • Em1982
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    Em1982 ·
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    We havent invited kids because if we invited everyones kids we'd be inviting about 60 and not only would that cost me a fortune, its be like a creche and im not having that stress on my weddin day. we have invited our kids obviously, our sisters kids and the only exceptions are my cousin from london is bringing his two because i wouldnt expect someone to leave their children for a weekend and my friends two because she recently adopted one and is not allowed to leave her and having her there is too important to me. my children have only ever been invited to one wedding and i chose not to take them anyway, they would be so bored. we havent put kids names on the evening invited however if people are struggling for babysitters we dont mind them bringing them. but i wouldnt say kids have to leave by a certain time. if that was the case id phone up the guest and explain why id want them to leave by 7 and its up to them if they bring them etc, not everyone has babysitters let alone people who could pick the kids up at night. maybe they have a genuine reason like they are worried the kids will get trampled on by drunken daners?! my kids will stay for the night do because children have an amazing ability to stay up late when theres dancing to be done!

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  • W
    Beginner
    WhiteSparkles ·
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    If you invite children to a wedding, you should accept that they will be there all day and during the evening. It will make it difficult for parents if you say they have to leave at 7:30pm. It's an odd thing to do- either invite them or don't!

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  • T
    Beginner October 2012
    traciehavard ·
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    i completely agree with you, its about families i have two kids myself and cannot imagine them not being there x

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  • ajdown
    VIP September 2011
    ajdown ·
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    I'd have been quite happy with "no children" at our wedding - after all, none of our close families have small children (except an 8, 11 and 14) but as it ended up we have 22 under 16's there from the wider friends and family, with only one under one year old.

    Maybe it's different because we don't have children yet but I will not be amused if someone's little darling starts screaming during our ceremony; and if they do they'd better get them outside smartish. I know people think their children are the cutest in the world whatever they do but for just half an hour, it's our day and we want to be the focus of everyone's attention and not drowned out by a bawler.

    I don't think anyone can blanketly say that a wedding has to be a family event - it depends on your own circumstances, and certainly there is no need to invite children to any part of the day if you don't want to.

    I can understand inviting children to an evening party rather than the ceremony/wb - those are the bits kids will find the most boring and probably the hardest to keep quiet and still through, but to say until a certain time then they have to go is probably a bit strange.

    Parents have to make choices all the time as to whether they do things or not because of their children, or the practicalities/costs of finding a babysitter, so I honestly don't think a wedding should be any different if the couple want no children then the parents have to decide do they want to come and leave the kids with someone else, or not go, particularly when plenty of notice is given.

    What really annoys me is when parents think they can go 'off duty' because it's a party, and not keep their little darlings under control. Teaching children how to behave properly in adult company is sadly very lacking these days, and when they can't get them to sit at the table and eat properly at home what hope do they have of getting them to do it when you're out?

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  • W
    Beginner
    WhiteSparkles ·
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    That's a bit of a generalisation AJ... I never go 'off duty' as a parent when E is with me and neither does my H. In fact I don't think I have any friends with children that would do this, it's completely irresponsible.

    There will always be this debate about whether children should be invited or not on Hitched but it's your day so your decision. I'd never take E to a wedding unless it was very close family of mine knowing they would want her there, or if there were on hand nannies (as we had at our wedding) to allow us to enjoy the WB and speeches uninterrupted. Even then, I don't think we could relax with her there.

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  • ajdown
    VIP September 2011
    ajdown ·
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    You only have to go out to any place - even a McDonalds - to see children running about being ignored. In fact, I've even seen people on the bus yell at their kids to shut up because their noise is interrupting their phone conversation *shrugs*

    Your closing statement "I don't think we could relax with her there" I think is the key thing - many parents are also like you, who care about their kids and, given all the dangers that weddings can have for children (alcohol, drunken adults blundering around, candles, venues with steps, gardens to get lost in, ponds to fall in etc) you are "on edge" the whole time, and by not having your children there you can relax (and I'm sure in may cases the parents can't even remember their last "night off") and enjoy the event properly.

    You're right - there is no "right or wrong answer" to these things which is probably why they get so heated!

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  • W
    Beginner
    WhiteSparkles ·
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    Fair enough- maybe write 'some parents' next time ?

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  • K
    Beginner December 2011
    king george ·
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    I Don't think its going to work unless you want to lose your guest with kids at 7.30pm. I would be a little bit annoyed if my sons invite ran out at 7.30 as that would mean so would mine.

    I have been to weddings that did not allow kids which is fine cause you can get a baby sitter for the whole day and much easie. Also nice to have a kid free day.

    I think either do or don't as other have said, good luck x

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  • nicnol
    Beginner October 2011
    nicnol ·
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    We are having children to the day (2 under 3 who are bridesmaids children and then two 8 year olds and a 10 and 12 year old) but when I send the evening invites out I have only addressed it to the adults and then put a note in the info pack to say due to venue restrictions we are unable to extend the invite to under 16s.

    Reason is purely there isn't the room for kids to go darting about all night and my cousins all have children under the age of 10. It's a private members golf club and has residents who live in the house so there are restricted areas. I don't want my guests chasing their kids around all night, the car park is badly lit and leads straight onto a main road.....then their is the golf course where they could easily wander onto and get lost! I feel with the kids from the day that they will be easier to control if there is only them (and the young ones are getting picked up by the grandparents in the evening purely through the choice of their own parents)

    Going back though to the OP I think it rude to request that your children are taken away at a particular time. Just don't invite them in the first place! If you don't live close by then it more than likely mean that you would have to leave the wedding early too.

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  • judeclarke
    Beginner October 2011
    judeclarke ·
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    I have to agree - I think it's a bit odd to ask for children to leave for the evening.

    We have 3 children at our wedding - my son and my niece (bridesmaids - both 13) and my nephew (usher aged 11). Our venue isn't that big, we're restricted on numbers, and it's not really a child-friendly venue ayway. And besides, I have a friend who has 2 horrible little girls who would probably try to ruin the day by attention seeking, playing up, getting fussy over food, generally whinging and being annoying if they were invited. And if we allow some kids we can't really say no to others. I don't mind admitting I don't really like kids that much. So no other children at our wedding.

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  • BespokeTailor
    BespokeTailor ·
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    In fairness I don't think it is 'that' odd. It was no doubt meant to be well meaning.

    I have been to a few weddings with my little two and sometimes the evening can be a real nightmare. They get tired, bored etc. You can't drink or let your parental radar down for a minute because of the dangers. So you end up leaving early and then you have the same old 'Ahhh your leaving SO early why???'

    I have gone on record as saying I don't mind adult only weddings but I probably would not want to go because I like my kids to come with me. But this seems like a reasonable middle ground to me. You can choose to either get a babysitter for the evening or leave early and put the kids to bed.

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  • Jason Clark DJ
    Jason Clark DJ ·
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    For our Wedding, I did consider a complete ban on Kids. I have a few cousins with 3 kids each... and a few friends with kids.

    In the end, we spoke to a few to see if they would be bringing them, and for the most it was "no way... we want to party!"..

    So, we'll be inviting families (so kids included) and hoping that not too many turn up.

    I too remember being forced to attend weddings as a boy, and was very bored. Nowdays, its nice to be invited as a guest!

    But Weddings are normally a family celebration, and this normally means kids.

    Parents do need to keep control of their kids, and sadly some allow them to run amok. I've seen kids chasing each other around the cake table, with their parents oblivous to the potential problem of them knocking the cake over!

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  • Storky
    Beginner May 2011
    Storky ·
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    I think it depends on the type of people hosting the wedding and their guests.

    By way of example, a girl I used to go to school with (Facebook stalking is awesome...) got married recently. She has 5 children and still lives in the small village we grew up in, as do her parents, his parents, their siblings etc. You get the gist. From looking at the photos, many of her guests were also local (who'd married locally and their families remain in the area). As it happened, she had all of their kids all day and seemed to love them going crazy on the dance floor, often it seemed, not allowing the adults space (but that's my bias). However, had she chosen to boot the kids out at 7.30, it's not unfeasible that there would have been family (of many of the guests) a short walk away who could have collected the kids. In those circumstances I can see it would be a practical solution to giving the adults some proper adult time.

    We chose to have a child free wedding for space, cost, safety and personal preference reasons and felt confident in doing so (many close friends with children asking us shortly after our engagement if it could be adults only gave us the indication it would be ok to do so!). We have been staggered by the number of people who, since our wedding, have written to us to say what fun they had without children there. They saw it as a big night out which allowed them to leave their children with someone they trusted and relax. Those letters came from both those with kids and those without. Might not work for some, might not be wanted by some, but was perfect for us!

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  • Annah304
    Beginner April 2011
    Annah304 ·
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    We had a couple of kids crying during our ceremony. Honestly? We didn't hear any of it and no one was paying attention to them either. It was all on us and we didn't even notice until we got hold of the recording after the fact.

    The only distracting thing was that my littlest niece, who is 4, came and held my hand just after we had made our vows and exchanged rings - she had done this at the rehearsal too and so we had a suspicion she might do it on the day! It was a definite distraction(!), but also quite a lovely thing to happen (she came and sat with us when we signed the register and then came and sat on my lap afterwards for the rest of our service) as it was just so loving and sweet of her.

    So yes, agree that it's absolutely a personal choice, but it didn't take anything away from our day. I have to say that the kids at our wedding were amazingly behaved for the most part and really added to, rather than detracting from, the day and our enjoyment of it.

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