Not having a hen do

I didn't particularly want a hen do, but got told by my best friend and sister that I was having one anyway, even if it was super small. So I've given way and given them a brief - seafood and fizz - and told them to keep it cheap and simple. I've told them on no account to include a cheesy club, sashes/other hen accessories, and I pretty much trust them to go with that.

If I were you I'd say to those you might want there - not having a hen but why don't we go out for a pre-wedding meal. They'll probably turn it into a hen if they are that way inclined! Even if your OH isn't having one, there's nothing to stop you going out for dinner and drinks with your friends and you might need it to steady the nerves anyway! :-)

People who give people grief about their wedding/pre-wedding choices should be muzzled, by the way!

I really strongly think you should re-think and have a little something to celebrate, even if you don't feel up to it. You're only a bride once (hopefully!) and it's your chance to celebrate. If you really don't want anything over the top you can explain this to your bridesmaids and they can plan something low-key for you. Just thinking you might regret it if you don't do anything at all.

Re your man and him not wanting a stag do, if he is anything like my OH then it's just because he is scared of what his friends will do to him. I would also try to encourage him to do something, but if he really is insisting that he doesn't want to, then that shouldn't mean you don't either.

My hen do is this weekend and I honestly can not wait to find out what's been planned for me, it actually makes me a bit emosh to think all my lovely friends have spent their time planning something especially for me and they're all excited to celebrate with me!

HTH xx

We were the same and just had a joint night out in town with a few family members and friends. It was fun but yes, I guess when I see others "dos" I feel like I poss missed out. Don't really like being centre of attention though. Perhaps try and arrange something small like a spa day and nice meal if that is more "you". Chat with h2b. Is there anything he'd like? Friends did paintballing and few drinks in pub/food together

Hi,

Thanks for your replies. Re my OH, I think a small part of him is a bit worried but mainly somes of his friends and and brother (also his best man) have been a bit strange since he said he didn't want a stag do - they've stopped inviting him to things, invite him really last minute so he can't make it or plan things on days when they know we already have things on. They are being really unfair on him and he took a lot of grief of over not having a stag do and so I really don't want to upset him or put him in a difficult position if I arranged something.

I've tried suggesting that he just meets his friends for a meal or couple of drinks but he won't do it unless I go with him. I know he wants me to get closer his friends but I can't see them being too impressed when I turn up and gate-crash their drinks and I know they think it's me saying he can't have a stag do etc. but that couldn't be further from the truth!

I'll have another conversation with him and see if I can get him to change his mind

Thanks for your thoughts

I felt exactly the same as you! I didn't want a hen party, i dont like fuss, i dont like the silly games and the humiliation of it all. Also, I didn't not want to do...something!

We have decided to meet on the beach for bubbly and a food and that to me is enough - a celebration and nothing horrendous in a nightclub!

We're not having a hen or stag and I feel much better for it! Haven't missed it at all. I have a very fragmented circle of friends which I think would make it awkward and I'm someone who always worries if people are having a good time. Also like you I don't like being centre of attention, the wedding itself is scary enough! Also as a lot of people have to travel to my wedding I didn't like the thought of people not being able to afford a hen as ultimately there would always be someone who had to travel a long distance. I don't have sisters or one group of 'gals' so I also don't have bridesmaids. People are always shocked when I say I'm not but I just said I want my friends to be guests. I've never doubted my decision (apart from thinking, am I weird?!) and actually I think my friends are relieved there's nothing else to pay for!! So don't feel bad!

I didn't have a hen do. I had a twinge that I was going to regret it, but I haven't thought about it since I got married.

It's just another thing to plan or get stressed over.