Not inviting a friends husband...

If your friend attending is important to you I think you probably should reconsider on the husband front, also you never know this might cause even more tension between them. You would need to make a rule on the children front, if you say her children can't come and she turns up to find other people's children she will be miffed - I think it would have to be all or nothing really.

Sorry to say it but if you're not happy to pay for her family of 5 coming to the wedding, she's probably not that important to you.

I think you can justify not inviting the kids if only family children will be present. However, the idea of not inviting her husband is a bit odd and I agree with what she's saying.

I think you should invite him and then review it nearer the time of the wedding. You can un-invite him then if his behaviour is still bad.

I think you might have to back down on this one. While I can totally see why you would prefer her husband not to be there, he is her husband and regardless of your personal opinion of him, not inviting him is a real snub to both him and your friend. Unless you’re willing to risk the friendship over it, I would invite him.

Same with the children. You have to have a consistent policy: no children, children of close family only, children welcome etc. You say you’ve gone for the latter which means you unfortunately don’t get to pick and choose families with less children who are of a convenient age - it will just result in bad feeling when people turn up and see other people’s children there. In terms of cost, most caterers will do a children’s meal at a significant cost reduction so worth checking that.

Good luck and don’t let it overly stress you - these things are all part of wedding planning (we have a few people on our guest list that wouldn’t have necessarily made it if it was up to me!) but the main thing is you will be getting married and starting a whole new chapter of your life. Don’t sweat the small stuff!