Not inviting kids - shoot me now!

We have the same issue - we have about 8 friends who would have kids between 3-18 months old. We're just going to contact those direct when we send out the invites, saying "sorry, we can't be doing with all those babies" (I may phrase it slightly better than this). So, yet, I do think you should mention babies directly as well.

We may have to put up with one of the friends bringing as they live in Italy and grandparents are in italy/france, but I think people have to understand.

Our wedding is near enough our friends that they can be back that evening, so don't have to leave babies overnight.

I think you should do what you want, it is your day! On our wedding day there will only be me and my OH and we have 5 kids between us and none of them are coming (how mean am I!)

We are having a reception on the Saturday and having kids there, the Monday is our day about us and the Saturday is for everyone to celebrate, do whats best for you, I can't imagine anyone saying anything about the baby, likely hood they will be having such a good time they won't notice, besides most people love tiny babies and he/she will be the centre of attention x

The only children that will be at ours are ohs niece and nephew. We put a little note on our info sheet that 'unfortunately, due to number restrictions we are unable to invite children to the daytime celebrations. However, if they would like to join us for the evening we will be more than welcome, just let us know when you reply so that we can feed them!!'.

So far noone has tried to add their children and only one person has taken us up on the offer. It was the only way of making sure we could invite all the people that we wanted to be there

Luckily we don't have any friends that have children (we are actually only inviting 6 close friends to the day so not really a big problem anyway)

But we have got a few cousins who have got children, and we have decided not to invite the children, my brother did the same for his wedding and nobody had a problem.

x

Just put it down to number restrictions - it includes bodies in the room - it doesnt matter if they dont eat ! - make it clear and then just see what people say but in the end you shouldnt have to justify it i think its reasonable and if ppl complain about having the baby from canada then - they need to get a life! Dont worry and just do what u want! Luckily none of my family/friends have any children but there are increasing numbers on my OH's side - uh oh!x

Hi Lamby

Just wanted to add that the most relaxing and enjoyable wedding i went to last year was the one where my daughter wasn't invited!!!

I got to see the whole wedding and eat food all to myself, and stand around talking for as long as i wanted......bliss!!

So i would say don't stress about not inviting children, i think secretly many people would thank you!

DG xx

I can understand. I would say due to restrictions on numbers family children only. If they ask about their babies i would take each case separately, for example, friend from Canada allowed to bring tiny baby, friend from 10 mins drive from venue want to bring 3 year old then no she can find a sitter or go home early. I don't think people will mind. There is always the breastfeeding mother senario, but surely the baby won't die if they got expressed milk for one night given by their nan! Or mother goes home between church and sit down meal and evening!

Welcome to the club!!

We went with the addressing to only the parents and it turned out OK for us.

However, my bridesmaid and her hubby (a groomsmen.best man) are due 2 weeks before the wedding but not intedning to bring the child as they know i want a no kids wedding. Her parents are coming down for the weekend to look after it but I went for a compromise and told her to get her parents to come to the ceremony and drinks reception to look after sprog and then take her away while she has her meal and then if she wants ot leave afterwads she can, but she's been able to enjoy her orle as BM (which she really wants to do).

On the other hand, the other bestman's Mrs is due 3 days before the other lot but they seem to think it's OK to bring their sprog sa it's a baby (to me a kid is a kid). I've decided to not say anything yet as anything can happen. Have that one to look forward to. Also, they're our mates so if I can't speak to them honestly, who can I speak to.

We're not having kids during the day either as we just didn't have the space for them.

I was going to put a little note in with the invitations or print something on the relevant inserts but in the end I realised that all the guests with kids were my good friends and family and only one couple from OH's side so I just spoke to them all individually and OH spoke to his friend and explained and every single one of them were totally fine with it. I even said that if they want to arrange for the kids to join us at night that they are more than welcome but none of them are planning too, tbh they all commented along the lines of that they would rather not bring them as they would enjoy the day more.

I will say though, I spoke to everyone a few months ago to make sure they all had plenty of notice to arrange childcare and we are also getting married locally and all the guests with kids are also local and not travelling any distance.

it isn't always that simple - i have breastfed all of my children and none of them have taken a bottle - plus expressing is difficult painful and unpleasant for some people so not always possible. In addition if you are feeding a small baby regularly then you will get engorged and uncomfortable if you don't for a day.

Personally if my breastfed baby hadn't been invited to a wedding then i wouldn't have gone - regardless of who's wedding it was.

I think you do what YOU want to do and if you don't want children at your wedding then you are perfectly entitled to say that.

We are the same and I said something like - unfortunately due to restrictions at the venue we cannot have any children at the wedding. short and sweet

Well as im completely restricted to numbers and have SO many more cousins on my side compared to the 5 my OH has, on my side even the children of my cousins are not invited so friends children will be a definate no-no. I wouldn't start giving excuses in the invites for not inviting the children and just put to "mr and mrs ?" and leave it at that. If they then reply with their children's names on the rsvp, well then just contact them and say that as much as you would love to have their children also at the wedding it is just not possible due to the restriction of numbers. If they have a problem with it then just leave it. I wouldnt get myself worried about it!! People should understand!!

I agree with Swampy

I think this is a case of IYHKYWU - I would never dream of separating a new mum from their child, I think the suggestion itself is horrible, but then that's my opinion. I am not a biological mum yet I am a step mum and if people don't invite Toby to things then we won't go - we are a family, take as us that or not at all

Thank you soooooooo much peeps - you have really calmed and soothed my nerves!

I need to just have a bit of self belief, know we're not doing anything wrong and leave any difficult people to it.

I appreciate the 'take us all or not at all' theory - each to their own, but it isn't fair being funny with the people getting married about it - it's fine not to come, just don't make people feel guilty for extending an invite and not being able to afford 30 kids at £40 a head!!

Thanks again lovely one's, must stay strong! x

Lamby, if I was me, I wouldn't make you feel bad, I would simply decline the invite or as a compromise ask if we could all come as a family to your eve reception instead

ps this really made me laugh out loud! I feel it's a no no to say don't want noisy babies but I like your style and it is the truth (as much as I love them usually!) how are you going to word it do you think?! I'd like to think I wouldn't be precious about it if it was my baby and would be more likely mortified if the little one did start howling at an important bit!

I'm a mother and if someone didn't invite my boys, but just me and OH I'd thank them profusely. However, do not underestimate the impact of breastfeeding and hormones. It would have been physically impossible for me to leave either of mine at two weeks. The natural instinct is to stick to your children for the first few months of life - the reality of leaving your newborn with anyone is very difficult.

Lamby - it is your choice not to invite children. Just make it very clear, don't be subtle, and those who want to decline can do so. BTW, if your venue is charging £40 a head for a kids meal they are insane. Even the greediest of children would find three courses too much.

Thanks - yes I totally agree there - my boyfriend's worry was that someone would moan about a little one being there when their kids weren't but it's totally different with a newborn espec coming from canada! I was getting caught up in people being funny but I know I wouldn't at all about something like that, have just had a funny experience so far I guess but hopefully from now on I'll get nice understanding reactions!!

I'd just speak to friends with kids and explain beforehand that you are only inviting family children then address the invitation to X and Y. This is what we did and no one had a problem. If there was a major problem if they really didn't have anyone to look after them then we would have just thought about it on a case by case basis.

The exception we had was babies under a year old and those being breastfed. You really can't expect a BFing mum to be separated from her baby. Not all babies will take a bottle so some literally wouldn't eat all day and would be screaming for food until mum came home.

From a guest's point of view, when I was due with my baby last year we had a wedding to go to (H was best man) when Ruby was 5 weeks old. I had planned to BF (but it didn't work out) but R was not invited. We were an hour away from home and were told we had to get a coach and I was not allowed to drive (to get home to my baby in an emergency) as my car would ruin the photos. It was the most stressful part of my pregnancy and I had sleepless nights about it as H was BM and if BF had worked out then I wouldn't have gone full stop. As it was I was comfortable leaving R with my mum for the last part of the day and evening (me and a friend who had a 3 week old baby drove up!) but many mums at 4 weeks would not leave their baby so you may risk some people not coming.

Could you put a year limit on it so that can be your answer if people ask if you feel you have to justify it? TBH if people moan about a tiny baby who is breastfed being there, they need to grow up! Also, from experience, I doubt you will notice any baby crying and the parents will (should!) take them outside if they are being noisy. Most little babies will be sleeping. It will be the 4 year olds running up and down the ailse and their parents trying to "shh" them that you will hear! lol

Our situation is slightly different as we have children of our own, however if we invited our friends and family to bring their children we would have 82 kids there from 18months to 15 years old its just not possible its a wedding not a kids party

We are only inviting our close familys children 3 neices, 6 nephews, 1 great neice, 1 great nephew my 2 sisters and my brother who are under 15 plus our own kids that 16 18 month -15yr olds which is enough

We are going to put a not in the relevent invitations explaining the situation and if people dont want to come without their kids then thats a shame, but if we invite 1 we will have to invite them all and thats just not going to happen

I understand not wanting kids in general at a wedding, but I think it would be very unlikely for a mother to separate from a newborn - I'm not a mum myself but from watching friends and family, Its near impossible to be away from a newborn for more than an hour if that - I would not expect them to come at all.

Hi

I spoke to everyone who had children and explained that we could only cater for the children in the wedding party and those children whose parents were coming from abroad.

I think you may have to accept that if you are asking mum's to leave their newborns that they probably won't come, breast feeding or not. When my son was born I couldn't leave him for a second, it's instinct and no matter how important to me a friend would be, I wouldn't/couldn't have left him. My son was almost 8 months old before I would even leave him with my parents and then I was on the phone every hour !!

Its your wedding day so what you say goes. some people might be offended so you will have to expect this. Before i had a baby i was completely with you but i was invited to a wedding when my baby was one month old of a close friend who had the same rule (no kids) but she let us bring him. he was a nightmare in the church so we took him out and missed the ceremony but at least it wasn't disturbed but then he slept through the rest of the day woke to be fed then slept again then we left at about 8.

i'm leaving my friends (most who have kids) with the choice for themselves so they can bring them if they want but am sure none of them will bring them as they all like to have a drink or two and i know weddings i have been too now my baby is older i have always left him with my mum so i can relax when am there.

i have young nieces and nephews who are taking part in the wedding so they will all be there.

weddings are about families and love children are full of love and the sign of a couples love for each other plus they are so funny but if you dont want them there that is up to you and don't let it bother you if someone chooses to fall out with you bout it. plus if you choose to let a young baby be there am sure the other mums and dads will understand as they will remember what it was like to have such a young baby.

hope this helps o yeah and i don't think it is rude or cheeky just try and think of being in there shoes some people's lives are their kids so being told they arent invited could offend them it wouldn't offend me but everyones different lol x

My situation is almost identical to yours frizzball. have got our own child coming and then my neice & nephew and my 2 goddaughters all of which are under 5 and will be involved in the wedding,flowergirls etc. but if i also invited every child that belongs to our guests i would have more kids there than adults and it'd be bedlam

my friends won't have a problem with us not inviting their children (think they'll be glad of an adult day and night out) i just have to hope OH's side of the family are ok about it too!

NB i have never taken my child to a wedding, even when he has been invited as he would be terribly bored and hes not one for staying up late which would mean us leaving the evening do at about 7pm!

I would put a note in with the invite. What you have put is fine but personally I don't like the joke. I don't see time away from my children as freedom - if I wanted that I would not have had children, and personally I like going to big occasions with my children.

As for the babies I would put something on the invites about it but remember depending on the age they may need a highchair (6 months plus) also remember that babies come with rather large pushchairs which will need placing by the tables near to the parents.

I personally would word it

Unfortunately, due to being very limited on numbers, we have had to decide to only invite babies under 12 (or change number) months and family children to our wedding. We hope you understand and are able to celebrate with us on our Big Day.

I would leave it like that and put no joke in.

Remember though when thinking about the age of babies that some 8/9 month old babies are still breastfed so mum will not be able to leave them all day if this is the case. I know even at 10 months I would have been unable to leave my child for the whole day.

Hmm - well all the people are good friends, so I'm going to say "guys, much as we love xx between them our friends have 8 babies between 6 and 18 months old - and we're terrified of a maelstrom of screams and tears, so if there's anyone you can leave xx with someone else for the ceremony/meal we'd be really grateful."

That way if anyone gets absolutely stuck they can tell us - but tbh it will ruin my day if I have babies screaming right the way through my wedding - people go back to work when the baby is 2 weeks so I can't see that they can't leave them with someone for the day.

Having read through all the replies it's obvious everyone has wildly differing opinions on the subject!!! this has helped me too actually as i think as well as just wording my invites to mr & mrs X (which i was originally going to do) i will also follow up with a personal conversation/phone call etc to all invitees with kids just to clarify why we aren't inviting everyone's kids so as to save any confusion and hopefully save any upset!

My h2b and i do not have any children of our own and we have a strict NO CHILDREN rule, we are not putting anything in the invitations to this effect but friends of ours who have children have already asked and when we have told them no children we have had no trouble at all, most have already arranged their babysitters and are looking forward to our wedding.

however!!! i do think it should be an all or nothing rule, ie, either have them or not, if i had children and they were not invited to a wedding that other children were invited to i would be pretty narked and this is where i think you would have trouble, especially with family.

dont know if this has helped x x

i don't think the "all or nothing" thing is possible in real life (certainly not for my wedding) i have a son - no way he's not coming!! also my neice and nephew who are under 3 - all of our family will be at wedding so no one to leave them with for the weekend (they are both under 3 so could hardly leave them with babysitter for 2 days and nights!). same goes for my 2 goddaughters, all of their family will be at my wedding so again who would they be left with??!

logistically we could not have all of our friends and family's kids there as there literally would be double the number of children as adults!

Reading the rest of the posts I agree with Swampy and Saracroft.

Also although some mums go back to work at 2 weeks it is very very rare, but I do think it is selfish and unfair to expect any mother to leave their young baby (especially who are only 2-3 weeks) for the whole day even if bottle feeding.

It does make me sad when I see that people think it is easy to leave a newborn baby but I suppose if you have never had a baby then you are not to understand. No way would I have left a 3 week old baby but luckily none of my friends would have expected me too.

If I had received an invitation to a wedding when my children were babies then I would have declined, even for my closest friend. My baby was more important than any wedding and I think people have to appreciate that. I would never have made the bride and groom feel guilty though, the same as I would hope that they would not make me feel guilty for thinking more of my baby than there wedding.

To the original poster if you are clear about it from the start I doubt anyone will question you and ask if they can bring their child and I am sure most people will understand your reasons.

Genuine question here - what would you do if you were in my situation - e.g. 8 babies between 6 and 18 months - would you really be happy?

obviously it is different if you have children of your own, it is such a difficult subject and i think that no matter how hard people try and please everyone someone will always be upset about thier children not being invited, family or friend.