Nuts neighbours

I'd tell her your husband has ED problems and then wait for her to comment.

Sorry Lois, but that's one of the funniest things I've read on here ??

She said to me 'It's not me and my H, we don't have sex'. As f the only way she would know if they were would be the noise of the headboard

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My brother.

His bedroom does back onto the neighbour's bedroom.

And this new neighbour is a nightmare - coming home drunk at all hours of the night with a succession of different men and proceeding to shag loudly and copiously.

After 2 weeks of having to sleep on the living room floor, bro decided to confront her and give her the opportunity to tone it down a bit before he gets the landlord involved.

I think he has been more than reasonable

Yeah, but we're married. What would she hear anyway? bang, bang, snore

L
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Oh God, she sounds barking ?

Pmsl @ bang bang snore ?

She is barking, Which is ironic as my dogs are one of the things she complains about

L
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? bang bang, snore

She's crazy, clearly.

Oh that is funny - she sounds like a very odd person.

??

She's a loon.

Is there a bed in the spare room that you can go and jump up and down on tonight?

I love this ?

I'd put a t.v in the spare room, put a porn film on (preferably a group sex one) and leave it on FULL blast.

?

I have been on the other side of a wall with a headboard banging and it's ghastly to have to listen to so I'd sympathise, if it wasn't the fact we know you don't do sex Lois. ?

I used to have to hear net door shagging it was grim luckily it wasn’t often and it was more squeaky bed than screams of passion, there was this one time where he fell out of her (I assume) and she laughed at him, WW3 is putting it mildly

You neighbour sounds a bit weird to say the least

I had this problem with neightbours at uni. I went for the banging on the wall and shouting 'shut the f*** up' at them... Wouldn't have mentioned it to them other than that though! Made me giggle one night tho when mid groans and headboard knocking I heard their 4 yr old son annouce 'mummy, what are you doing?' Ha! Busted!!

Just to clarify, my neighbour does NOT have this problem. She has many problems, but loud sex from her next door neighbours is NOT one of them!

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I bet she does, Lois, I bet your rampant marital unpleasantness is so vigourous that the headboard is causing all the walls to reverberate, so the sound travels along the walls from your room to her house.

durty lois

As a student my room in my final year had a weird little mini half-height fire door that went into the room next door, and unfortunately the girl there had her bed right up against it for some reason and shagged loudly and frequently (grrr at a time I wasn't getting any ??) so one night got so fed up with the banging I got a shoe and banged back in counter-rhythm until I could hear they were getting all confused and gave up. ?

Brilliant!!

Oh Lois. ?

<caveat> I'm not in any way doubting you, but </caveat> what on earth do you think is making the mysterious banging noise? The voices in her head? ? (I am of course aware that this is an entirely probable explanation).

If she calls again about this you should say "Oh it can't be us, I only scream loudly when he's doing me anally and we haven't done that for ages on account of my piles" , that should shut her up ?

Years ago, when I was living in a one up one down flat, we came home one evening to find water pouring through our bathroom ceiling. We ran upstairs and banged on the top floor flat door, and we could hear them shagging away merrily. After about 5 minutes they finally answered the door.

They'd been screwing in the bath, and were so into it they hadn't noticed that they'd left the tap on - flooding their flat and my bathroom in the process. They did notice the insurance bill after half our ceiling plaster came down though.

They were a real nightmare. They would be at it all through the night, and they were LOUD the whole time. GOK when they ever slept. After a month or so I did speak to her about it and she was mortified, but it never stopped. In the end we'd just bang on the ceiling with the broom (a-la Mr Chuckles in Friends).

Eventually they split up. I felt guilty about the fact I was slightly relieved. ?

?
So tempting.

Lou, crazy as it sounds, the absolute only thing I can think of is my dog's tail flapping against the wall when he wags in his sleep ?

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? It sounds so implausible, but I 100% believe you Lois. Dolly sleeps upside down and chases rabbits in her sleep (well, she didn't tell me that, but I have taken mummy liberties and presumed) and the noise of her claws on the wall is really annoying.

Thing is, Max (the retriever this is, not H) sleeps at the top of the stairs, which is the closest place to next door's room (we are at the opposite end of a corridoor, I think we could have an orgy and no one would hear). Max has 2 habits - one is to scratch like a loon at the carpet at the top of thse stairs - usually until I make him stop (and this can be 2am, bloody creature), and the wagging. If he's lying in the right position, his stupid great retriever tail whacks against the wall.

Honest guv

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It's got to be your squitching retriever, it's got to be. (? at your H sleeping at the top of the stairs). I think you should set up dogcam and catch him at it, the durrty dawg. ? And, of course, present the footage to your neighbour as exhibit 1 for the defence. ? Could you entice max into a different place for sleeping, using the usual retriever bribes ?(i.e. food and destructable valuables).

Thing is, if it IS the dog, it's not like he flaps his tail non stop, it's a bit of mid dream wag and then he settles. Plus he has slept at the top of the stairs for years, I think he could only be tempted away by an actual bed.
The woman is bloody nuts, I tell you.

L
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We used to have a dog that did that. Our next door neighbours thought we were sex maniacs.?