Off topic and Poss Sens....Cheating, need to get it off my chest

Wow - that's a lot to deal with. I don't really know what to say but I didn't want to r'n'r. SOunds like you guys have been through a lot but I'm sorry you're feeling a bit down. I feel sad for you that you've been through so much and he's abused your trust like this, but if it's all sorted now then good for you and it's great you're happy.

Why don't you guys have a nice weekend away somewhere together and focus on the future instead of letting this girl continue to ruin your relationship.

Good luck and I hope you feel a bit better xx

I dont really know what to say, hang in there, i know if it was me the relationship would be over i would'nt be able to trust him again.

is it worth feeling this sad, your obviously still really hurt and with her still arround its a constant reminder.

i take my hat of to you, i would not be able to forgive.

sorry if its not what you want to hear but you said yourself that your sad inside, is it really worth it.

take care

louise x x x

Don't know what to say, didn't want to R&R ?

Don't know what to say, didn't want to R&R ?

WSS..

I Didnt want to read and run but I agree with Stupidgirl, If you have come through the other end of this horrible time then you need to keep focused on the future and why you stayed together and maybe a weekend away will be a reminder of that and help a bit. I dont think you should beat yourself up over H2B not wanting to go to XMAS do, its totally understandble for you to feel that way and you only feel this way because of something that he did, maybe by not going hes trying to reassure you and let him do that. Im not saying that he should never go to any xmas functions for the rest of your lives together as you cant live like that, but this is obviously brings back bad feelings for you.

You said that your strong around your friends, does your h2b know how you feel at the moment?

Wow....

Sorry I do not want to seemmean or anything like that but wow.....how could you be with someone who would hurt you like that....it doesn't matter if you were having work issues and were distant or whatever.....your partner is meant to be beside you through thick and thin...how could he sleep with someone else when you were injured ...you couldnt help it....I just can't beleive that man!!! Just never ever think there are reasons for him cheating...it is his own selfish behaviour....nothing to do with you!!! That is a weak excuse form a weak person to link the cheating to something the other person does or what situation the relationship is in.

However you are the only one who knows what your man is really like and what your relationship is like so if you trust him now then there must be good reasoning behind it...

If it was me then I would be moving away from where you live and his job and starting anew.

I think you are very strong and you deserve happiness....I think you know what i think...but only you deep down in your heart knows whats right and what will make you happy in the long term!!

But remember neer feel guilty over HIS mistakes!!! They are his and not yours!!

xxxxxxxxxxx

Perhaps the reason you're feeling so bad, is that deep down you havent actually forgiven your h2b! You obviously want your relationship to work but if your not truely happy you have to think, is it really worth it.

Maybe you need to tell h2b just how your're feeling, its better to have it out in the open than keep it all bottled up. Perhaps you can sort things out, or perhaps not. At the end of the day if its meant to be, it will be x

I'm sorry you've had to go through this and that it's bothering you again.

I'm don't agree that a fling is worth throwing away a perfectly good long lasting relationship over. A relationship takes work, it's not easy. I was married to my ex for 13 years (together 15) and was cheated on (amongst other things). It's tough to rebuild the trust but it can be done.

I think you need to telling h2b how you're feeling. It's best that everything is out in the open. Secrets are destructive to everyone concerned. It's probably the time of year that's making you feel like this, but def don't feel guilty about h2b not going to his Christmas do. I would say it's for the best under the circumstances. Sounds like the "other woman" is a scheming little wotsit so best not to give her the opportunity in my opinion.

Have to agree with Laura c86, if it's meant to be it will be.

Hope you feel better soon.

Claire xx

Hiya......poor u....I really feel for you....as I know how that hurt wont go away no matter what .......I don't think even a wedding with sincere vows will give you back your trust in him.

I had a relationship before I met hubby to be, which ended as I found an email from a girl about a meet up between them that he'd lied about........turns out that he hadn't been cheating just was stupid and lied...........well despite a 5 year relationship I couldn't trust him as it didn't feel like one of those 'little white lies'.....I just couldn't trust him after that.........and whenever his phone bleeped or he was out with friends I didn't know I just felt sick.

Not sure why I'm really sharing this.........maybe because I thought I would be with him forever and so did all my friends........but now I've been with hubby to be more than 5years and getting married shortly and my family and friends think he's great and so besotted with me ? ..........and I know can't believe I was with the other guy for that many years as I'm such a stronger and happier person with hubby to be........plus I'm myself and that's what he loves. And we've had our downs aswell as our ups.........but we've both always there for each other.......in fact more so when the going gets tough.

......and well I guess the moral to my story is that if it doesn't feel right and it doesn't make you happy and you don't trust him 100% (honestly) then maybe it's time to ask yourself is it really worth the pain and is happiness actually out there waiting for you to bump into him ;-)

You sound like you have really supportive friends that they'd be there no matter what decision you make. Just remember that marriage is forever and should be something you want to do to shout to the world how much in love you are........not to solve a problem..........Plus houses can be sold - there only material objects........don't let that hold you back.

I wish I was there to give you a BIG hug...........as I think some of the comments (incl. mine) may hurt........but I think they'll only hurt if you think deep down their right.

BUT having said all this it has to be YOUR decision ?

I know i'm only young, but i agree with some of the other ladies on here. I think you're very strong to try to forgive him the way you are but it just seems like you might not have forgiven him 100% if its still upsetting you this much. its no excuse from him for cheating on you when you were ill, and whether you were having problems together or not!

i understand it hurts, i've been there before, but once i realised i was hurting because i couldnt trust him again i just walked away. Now i've got my lovely mr delicious and have never been happier.

I don't want to sound mean, and i really hope you feel better soon.

Wow good on you for pooring your heart out. My advice is to listen to your instinct, whatever anyone says is irrelevant its your judgemet that matters. Only you know deep down if you trust h2b. Id say to him to go to his doo because if you truly trust him then theres nothing to worry about, and lets face it if its going happen again it will whatever time of the year it is or with whoever. Give yourself a break and remember the part of him you love not the part that was in the past. The girl in the office really should get a life and just remember that what goes around comes around. Good On You! Take care and kind regards! (sorry if ive been ranting)

To those who have said 'wow, can't believe you're still with him' .... sometimes love is stronger than you can ever imagine and whilst you might hate someone for what they've done (its not always cheating), if its meant to be then you work thru' it and you make it work... been there, done that, got the tshirt thanks. And if anyone ever told me I was a fool for staying with him I'd have something to say about that quite frankly.

Had my bags more or less packed but stayed because I couldn't imagine my life without him when it actually came to it and now we're stronger than ever.

To the OP - your trust won't be rebuilt over night, or even over a year, but if its just the time of the year that is getting you down, that is perfectly normal if you ask me ... you'll never forget it totally. If you have other strong aspects to your relationship that is what is / has kept you together - its a raw time for you ... concentrate on the two of you ... thats all that matters right now. Ultimately you have to know what you are doing is the right thing for you.

Take care

SP xx

Wonderful words of wisdom :-)

Right on Mrs SP!!! x

Hey, thanks for the replies. Just to clarify, he didn't cheat on me because I was ill.....I meant to put that I didn't go to his Christmas do as I was Ill as I was originally going along as well.

mrs SP, you're very right in what you say. I know people find it difficult to see why I'm still with him. He hurt me really badly, but we are stronger than ever, and we talk a lot more if theres something bothering us as opposed to before when we've bottled it up. When it all happened, I asked my best friend if I was being stupid. And she told me that the easy option is to walk away, but sometimes you need to fight for something if its worth keeping.

Spoke to h2b tonight about how I'm feeling, it was hard because I haven't really mentioned it for a while. but talking to him really helped, as not only did I tell him how I was feeling, but he was able to talk to me about what he's gone through in the past year as well. I suppose I'd never asked how he was finding getting back to normal, so it made me feel a bit better that sometimes he got down about what he did, especially when he sees that I'm still hurting over it if that makes any sense!! I was beating myself up a bit for still feeling like this as I felt I should be over it by now. In my mind, I thought, He's not bothered anymore, she isn't so why am I?

Unless you're in the situation, I suppose its hard to see why anyone would stay with someone who had cheated and caused such hurt. The reality is that I can't imagine my life without him, and I know things were rough at the time it happened for both of us. I threw myself into work to deal with it, whereas he went elsewhere.

I know that I do trust H2B, and the sadness is coming from the "this time last year" feelings I keep having at the moment. Anyway, i'm ranting now. Just wanted to thank you for the comments (good and bad!) and give you an update.

Hey there,

I was hoping you would reply so we would know what you thought.

I think its very easy to *judge* in these situations but not so easy when you're living with them.

You know your relationship and your man waaaay better than we do, and as long as you're talking to each other about how you're both feeling (i like that he spoke to you about how the last year has been for him) then I think you are both facing the future together with a positive outlook.

I really wish you guys the best and hope it all works out

x

i really dont think that it matters why he cheated, its the fact that he did, and hurt you that i think is the real issue, your obviously not over it, understandably.

Totally agree and think some of the 'wow' comments are just going to make the poster feel even worse. I haven't been in the same position but have been through some amount of stuff that 99.9% of people probably wouldn't have stayed and worked through but until you are in the position it is impossible to know how you would act.

I don't have any advice but wanted to say good for you for being able to work through what would have been a very difficult, emotional, heart breaking situation and I hope you feel better about everything soon.

I don't feel a situation like this is as simple and black and white as what some are making it seem. If only love and hate were separate feelings and never got mixed up!

So glad you talked to him and feel better about things now!!

It is great that you and he could work through your problems...it shows what a strong couple you are who do obviously love each other very much!!

xxx

... and you think that reply is helpful because....???

That has to be one of the most arrogant replies I've seen on hitched in an age. Particularly to a sensitive post such as this one.

You wanna flame me for that? Go ahead. Like I said, been there, done that, got the tshirt, so bring it on.

Have you been in a situation where your life is in bits but ultimately your love for your partner is stronger than you ever imagined it could be .... ? You think in that situation it would just be black and white? He cheated, he's a shithead, walk away? You are an idiot if you stay? Doesn't matter why he cheated - he did, get rid?

Yeah, whatever.

And to Helpplease - good for you girl. Thats exactly what has to happen for you to both work thru' this - talking. Its amazing the good things that came come out of an event that makes you feel like the least wanted person on earth. I'm about 2 years on now and yes, it does sometimes cross my mind for sure - but ultimately me and Mr SP are v happy and I know I made the right decision to stay.

Take care

Mrs SP xx

calm down

not an arrogant reply, its obvious the op is not "over it".

the poster gave an opinion, which is what we are here for, you in turn have no idea if louisep had been in the same position and so the comments that she made may have some relevance.

and may I point out that your post is neither helpful to the op either.

Thank you BOBK. I am now calmed and the red mist has all but gone.

That particular post wastn't actually to or for the OP however (and she's a level headed girl by the sounds, she'll have worked that out I'm sure).

However I appreciate your point.

Opinions are funny things are they not. What is it they say? Oh aye, they are like back bottoms - everyone has one.

Thanks again Ladies. I know that I'm not "over it" yet, and I think it would be foolish of me to say I was! At the minute, I'm living with it. I suppose its like any problem - you learn how to deal with it. Some days I'm good, other days it goes horribly wrong!

We are a lot stronger because of it, and people who know us in "real life" have noticed a big difference in the way we are together. To be honest, it made me a lot more independent which I really needed, and our relationship strangely has really benefited from it (not that I'm recommending it to anyone!)

I know its down to timing, and to be honest, I'm feeling a lot better about it now than I was when I made the first post. So because of that, I'm going to sign off and get on with my life! xx