Off Topic but I don't know where else to turn...

Sorry to hear about your sister. That's a terrible situation to be in, both her and you.

I've never been in that position so I won't be able to offer great advice but just wondering whether you could get in contact with a domestic violence charity who can offer real advice including financial advice after the split. I understand that money does matter but your sister and potentially their child is currently at risk & you can't put a price on safety so if she could talk to someone who'll really help her out then I think that'd be a good idea.

Dont forget there's always the 'off topic' forum you can come to if you ever need a chat, rant, vent or to chat about anything non-wedding related.... The door is always open :-)

Hi,

I am really sorry to hear that your sister is going through this.

I wanted to comment as I grew up in an extremely violent environment, my so called "father" would beat my mother regularly one of his most vial acts was to beat her on the day of my sisters funeral ? makes me feel sick just saying that. Luckily she plucked up the courage to leave him after 20 years of violence when I was 6 years old. She left with nothing and I literally mean nothing.

But it was the best thing she ever did. Why am I telling you this? because the reason she left that day was because that day was the first time in 20 years he went for one of her kids....me. He almost killed me by beating her up outside a pub stole her cars keys and threw me into the back of the car, he drove off at speed and before I had chance to put on my seatbelt he slammed the breaks on and I flew over the front seat and LUCKILY I hit the dashboard and not the window screen.

I hope your sister can find it within herself to throw him out or call the police for the babies sake

That sounds absolutely horrific AlmostMrsS. As awful as it sounds, I'm glad you shared your experience to highlight the dangers of staying put.

Well done to your mum too. What a strong woman.

Sorry your sister is going through this. My best friend was emotionally abused until one night he strangled her... Thankfully she got out.

ACT NOW. Call the police. I can understand her reservations, but they will make him leave whether he can afford to or not, that is his problem, not hers.

That scumbag needs to go. Seriously, she needs to contact help NOW. It will only get worse, believe me.

You're sister can contact women's aid

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

If he is likely to be violent again she can apply for a restraining or nonMolestation order or injunction but she needs to build up an evidence base for the courts so I would recommend she contact the police but not all Dv victims feel this is the 'right' thing to do.

If she feels unsafe in the property she women's aid can help her into a refuge or stay with friends and family. She can also contact her local housing department for advice.

Mostly she needs to be strong & think about the right course of action for her.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I've been on a few websites and have written down the numbers and names of the organisations that can help her. I just hope she reaches out to them before it's too late.

What a horrible situation, unfortunately life is rarely simple even when it should be.

I would definitely make sure she has the numbers of women's support services (womens aid, local women's refuges, national domestic violence helpline etc.) I know it's not easy and she is probably scared and suffering the effects of emotional abuse which can lead to lack of confidence and her second guessing herself, but he is the one responsible for his behaviour, she should not be worrying about the consequences for him, more the consequences for her and their child.

It might be that the only way she can force him to leave without him buying her out is to report him to the police and go down the route of restraining orders. Also if the mortgage is in her name now only, does he actually have any entitlement to stay in the house if she asks him to leave? It's not her problem where he goes really, but she might want to seek specific advice about this from the CAB or similar. Does she have to stay in the house? If she fears for her own safety then even if temporarily, it might be worth her finding somewhere else to stay (with a friend or family member if not with a refuge). She does have to be the one to ask for help though!

Sending good wishes to you both, I hope she gets the help she needs.

I really do hope she speaks to someone.

My MIL was friends with a woman from work who wasn't much older than me (she was 31) whose ex partner was abusive. In June last year he killed her.

Im not saying this to frighten you, I'm saying it to try to get you to frighten your sister in to realising that people like this need to be reported before they fatally hurt her or someone else.

Whilst I didn't personally know Madina, hearing my MIL speak about her before and after she was murdered has taught me that, like I said before, you can't put a price on your or your kids safety.