OH has a best man dilemma....

I think you've said about as much as you are strictly 'allowed' at this stage. it is your h2b's decision to make, and you've probalby put seeds of thought into your h2b's mind.

i can't remember your date - how quickly does h2b need to make up his mind about this?

End of May next year....to be honest I don't really know how much leeway that gives him as we've not actually looked into suit hire yet (lazy planner icon)

We've had a similar dilemma. OHs brother is a photographer so is doing all our pictures. OH wanted him as best man. His brother also suffers from panic attacks and that combined with the photography was making me think it just wouldn't be a good idea. OH asked his mate to help out and split the role with his brother and do the speech. At this point, I was just thinking it would all be a bit ridiculous but I just had to put up and shut up though as it wasn't my decision.
However a few months ago, the friend he asked to help out announced his wife was pregnant and due a week before the wedding so obviously he couldn't commit to even being there. After quite a few discussions about it all his brother has decided he wants to concentrate on the photography and OH has asked one of his other friends to do the best man bit. His friend is thrilled to have been asked, is very organised and is looking forward to doing a speech.

I really think you just have to leave him to make his own choice. As much as I disagreed with the original plan, it wasn't my choice to make. I'd have been furious if he'd tried to tell me he didn't like my choice of bridesmaids.

Loads of leeway. I wouldn't even begin to worry about suit hire until the beginning of the year.

Phew! I shall mark that in the diary for January then! Hopefully OH will have made a adecision by then lol!

I've seen some absolutely fantastic best men .....and i've also seen some that do nothing. Unfortunately the choice of best man could make the difference between you having a really stressfree day to one where its the bride and groom running around like headless chickens.

Hope that hasn't come over too negative and given you more to worry about.

TBH boys don't see the urgency in stuff like Best Men...take my H2B for example, we're getting married in September...and he still hasn't decided and probably won't until the day.

There are reasons though - 1st BM can't come due to family commitments and 2nd choice can't due to financial struggles...the story continues

H2B had decided on BM before we announced our engagement. BM has speech organised and it includes powerpoint!!!!!!?

My poor h2b cannot decide between 2, but does not want 2bm, whoever is notwill be usher, his problem is they both expect to be asked. about 2 weeks ago my h2b started planning his stag weekend (he is very anal about planning things and keeps noted on everything), he is going to vegas. when our friends got married my h2b was best man, they got married in mexico, which as he was best man we had to go, it cost us almost £3000 just to go, but we didnt care as it was them, h2b (2 weeks ago) was going to choose this man as his best man but when my h2b told him he is starting a savings club for his stag to vegas he told him that he will not be going cos he doesnt want to go to vegas, but if he goes anywhere else he will go. the other bloke who my h2b wants just said, i will be there just tell me how much you want. so my h2b is an a bit of a dilema, i hope you can understand my story. wil probably do a post of my own at a later date to have a moan, soz for butting in xx

My OH asked one of his longest oldest mates. But this mate hasnt done ANY organising of any sort, hes just there as a mate, to say something and drive OH to the church....if we left him to organise anything we'd be lucky to get married at all!

Your OH should choose whoever for whatever reason. It doesnt need to be someone whos good at organising, just someone who your OH is comfortable having as his right hand man. I think the role of BM can be so overated!

My OH picked his brother as he only has 1 brother and felt he HAD to pick him. His bro has helped in no way so far and has left the stag doo planning to his girlfriend!!

I think OH should have picked his BM the guy who set us up in the 1st place! who knows us as a coupl etc..( 4years down the line and his bro dosnt!)

But its not my choice. I just need to hope n pray that his bro dnt f**c it up!x

You're right, BM doesn't have to be good at organising, I'm sure OH is perfectly capable of organising his own do, although as we're not going to be having a "proper venue" as such for our reception, a bit of mucking in wouldn't go amiss.

I'm just worried that OH is picking him for the fact that OH was HIS best man and also the fact that there is a high possibility of him getting the hump over something so trivial beforehand that he turns round and says he's not coming (even up to the last minute!)

Oh well, we shall see....

Thanks ladies for your replies

We actually had a similar problem. My OH asked his best mate a couple years back to be BM at our wedding, he said yes which we were chuffed about.

The problem was, he would constantly ask my OH to go out on the weekends to the clubs and pubs, my OH would tell him we are saving for a wedding so cant afford to do it every weekend but he never understood, then they had a falling out over this, his best mate became very childish and stopped talking to him, we couldnt believe it. But at least he found out what he was really like before the big day.

My OH is not having a BM now, which is his choice. You have to let your OH make the decision, which is hard especially if you are unsure.

Best of luck on this subject

Zoe