''Oh no you're not!'' Things You've Banned Guests From Doing...

Then why do so many women wear heels, complain how much they hurt and can't wait to get them off - or take them off for the evening when dancing? Why not just wear sensible shoes in the first place?

Not everyone will know that, for example, our outdoor area is almost all grass and hardly any paved area, so when they do go outside after the ceremony/blessing for drinks into the garden they'll need to be careful? Or that we'll be having photos across the road on the grass rather than, again, on a big paved area at the back of the hotel?

We're simply advising people - we won't be checking people's shoes with a tape measure when they arrive to see if their shoes are acceptable and back into the town to buy some if they are too high.

I think it's fair enough for AJ to tell his guests that they will be walking on soily/muddy terrain... then it is up to them what they wear. If it were me, I would have been grateful for the heads up.

Maybe I am a little bit thick then as when we went to the races, and I was all dressed up in my best dress I didn't think "Will my stilleto's sink into the grass" as I hadn't expected to be on the grass in the first place, I was imagining a nice warm hospitality stand.

I think the same could be said for AJs guest's - I wouldn't expect to go to a wedding and need to consider the fact that my best heels might be trashed by mud / grass / other countryside things.

Unfortunatley I think you are making that assumption based on the fact that you have common sense, I too thought i could rely on adults to wear approprite footware and having told everyone we would be walking down a hill and across a load of grass to get married on the beach, I assumed all the women would bring shoes to walk down to the beach in instead of heels, it transpired the night before the wedding (when we are alredy safely up in scotland tucking into fish pie) that MIL has only brought her heels for the day and her walking boots for the full stay, and she never wears heels so is not the steadiest in them anyways. She received some stern words about lack of common sense from OH who said well you will have to wear your walking boots down to the ceremony!!!

My kind sis lent her some flipflops in the end but honestly people just dont think! So AJ at least by letting them know what the terrain is they can make their own decision and lump it if they get stuck!

In an ideal world, of course, it'll be perfectly dry and firm ground outside, and if it has been raining hard and the ground not suitable for walking on (we'll check it on the morning, obviously) then we will of course be using some sort of alternative, as discussed with our photographer when we meet him in a few weeks). We wouldn't ask people to go out on wet muddy ground so they end up looking like they've been trudging through a ploughed field by the end of it...

Oooh, I'd love to be told that I should wear sensible shoes.

Which reminds me, I have a wedding in two weeks, do these go together?

erm.... yes....

*snigger*

Does that mean you think I am a bit thick then? ?

I can see what your saying, in that I can see how it might be a bit patronising to say "Now, you must wear sensible shoes my dear" but if put across well I don't think i'd moan.

I have banned one of my friends from wearing a dead stuffed bird on a hat lol

Thing is, though, ours is merely a 'suggestion' whereas, in the context of this discussion, we haven't actually BANNED people from wearing heels.

Live to see someone try wearing these...

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and apparently the guests were told to take something warm for the evening. Unfortunately the invite was relayed by my OH who did not pass on this message. I really wish I had taken something warm that evening. The reception was in a barn with no walls. I was frozzzzen.

I'm a bit torn on the sensible shoes debate. I've been to plenty of weddings where photos have been taken on the grass, with no suggestion about sensible shoes and we've just got on with it and laughed. Having said that, I don't own any sensible shoes, so I wouldn't be able to wear any anyway!

We're getting married abroad and will be giving far more information to our guests than we normally would (more travel/accommodation details etc). I may put on the information sheet that Australian evenings in August may be a bit chilly so to remember to pack some warm clothes, just in case some people are expecting Summer Bay. However, this will generally be more in the information sheet about what to do etc, rather than on the information sheet.

My one major rule is that h2b and the rest of the male bridal party have no more than 2 pints before the ceremony and to keep his dad off the red wine......ALL DAY. If he ends up drinking that he will be a pain in the ass!

Another is one of our female guests.......gets a little lets say 'too friendly' with males when had a drink. So under no circumstances does she have 'Alone' time with any one (in hotel, she hasnt booked a room, and she wont be borrowing one like iv known her to do at previous events?) unless its when she is back home! Really not sure why i invited her tbh. x

Y'know, AJ, sometimes I wouldn't put it past you...... :p

We haven't really 'banned' anything, although I have vetoed my Dad making any reference to my baby nickname in his speech. I do NOT want to spend my wedding reception being teased and called 'Samantha Skunk-bottom'! Oh, and my mum is banned from flicking food at my dad from across the table. Aaaaand I've (tongue in cheek) banned my best male friend from seducing any of the bridesmaids. Luckily only one of the bridesmaids is single but with him that's a red rag to a bull! He's a proper Joey....

We have not banned anything. Although i have told H2B that i don't care how nervous he gets i do not want him having a sneaky puff on a cigarette, He gave up over a year ago but i know with nervous he may be tempted. I also wish i could ban our best man's wife from using any of her nicknames for him such as 'Shaney' and 'Bottom'. If they were sitting on the same table i would of also banned her from playing footsie with him under the table and trying to grab his 'crown jewels'. They are like a pair of teenagers and often do this when we are out for dinner with them.

No mentioning ex spouses please ! Some folk just don't get that !

I won't be banning the guests from doing anything, but there sure are a few guests I wouldn't mind banning!!

Interesting how threads on here can change topic so easily, so to get in on 'Shoegate' I have to say that I'm gunna have to agree to an extent with AJ. Typical fields/hotel gardens etc are fine for heels but if I was at a wedding and was told to trudge into the woods for photos or to watch photos being done, I might not bother! A bit of heads up never hurt anyone! Its not an order I am sure!

AJ's request isn't too bad... The venue I originally wanted has original and very old floors and we were told that stilettos were banned and any female (or male!) who arrived wearing them would have to leave them outside!! ? We're not getting married there!!

Just to clarify on the "Shoegate" (!!!) issue, it's not exactly "deep woods" we're going to be using - this is the area opposite the hotel that we have in mind, as it may help with the context.

This is the view of the above picture, taken from the front of the hotel.

That looks really lovely, AJ. And yes, on reflection (and when I'm not in silly mode) I think it would be considerate of you to give guests a heads up about possible heels-sticking-in-mud scenarios. Just be careful how you word it, or some of your female guests may take offence!

I think it largely depends on the level of formality in your invitations and general wedding communication. Ours is seriously laid back, so it doesn't seem odd or patronising that we've included a bit on the website warning people about the trials and tribulations of navigating your way around Milton Keynes (and included a link to the Wikipedia page for the MK road grid system for anyone who wants to learn about the history of it). In a really formal invitation, I'd probably find it a bit more condescending. Not entirely sure why....

Gaga could wear them easily.

This is the thing, it's all about context. If all your guests are local and the venue(s) well known then even a map can seem unnecessary, but in our case pretty much everyone is travelling 2+ hours to the venue, and apart from one person and us nobody knows the area - so little things like "follow the B3056 and when you cross the railway bridge the hotel is 100 yards on the right, watch out for wandering New Forest ponies as they have a habit of standing in the middle of the road" is information we felt was important to share with our guests, just like the road system of Milton Keynes or "if you park at X 10 minutes walk away it's free all day but car park Y opposite the venue closes at 8pm" I'm sure you'd hate someone getting their car locked in a car park overnight just as much as if a "townie" wore their best shoes and got them trashed unwittingly.

By the way, Lady Gaga might be able to wear those shoes, but she declined our invitation as she was busy that day.

Ummmm.

1. Dont be thinner than me on the day

2. Dont wear white/ivory/cream

3. Dont steal my limelight

4. Tell me at least 5 times how gorgeous I am

5. Bring cards and gifts

6. me me me me me me me me me me me me me me

hmm - may have to have that as my avatar!

On shoegate - I dont think people need to be told, surely you've given them info on the venue? And on the taking shoes off to dance - its part of being a woman! Get over it.

and FINALLY!!! SETTING CHILDREN TO SILENT? Are you serious? I worry for your future children, you'll have some dog barking device strapped to them!

A TOWNIE?!?!?

Country folk have just as nice shoes too!

We get that point. Repeatedly.

I just don't see the problem in letting people know in advance about potential problems, whether they think it's necessary or not as it is probably useful to someone else if certain people don't; we put a lot of effort to provide lots of 'extra information' over and above when and where in our invite packs such as local accommodation, nearest station etc to save people having to search for themselves, or ring and ask, and everyone has been grateful and in fact commented that it's probably the most comprehensive wedding information pack they've ever received.

We only had one person ask a question and that was whether there was a bus service to the hotel from the station; if they'd read the booklet properly they'd have seen it's a less than 3 minute walk from the station to the hotel so it's not necessary - not that there is a bus service anyway.

It's meant to be humourous and a gentle reminder that we don't want other people's children disrupting a very special moment for the two of us. As has been repeatedly stated there is no 'automatic right' for people to bring their children to a wedding but we have granted them permission to do so, at our expense, so the least people can do is to keep them under control.

As for our children, well we'll bring them up our way when the time comes. That's not really anyone else's concern but ours.

1. OH how gracious of you grant them permission

2. IT WAS MEANT TO BE HUMOUROUS!

I'm the opposite to you AJ - I have told my BIL2B and SIL2B that if my nephew should make any noise during the ceremony that I want him to stay. I only want someone to take him out if he is upset or distressed. He is only two and I don't think at that age they understand why they have to be quiet and if he was made to be quiet he would probably end up being noisier. I would much rather he talked and stayed than someone miss the ceremony because they've taken him out. If he says anything during the ceremony it will only be 'Uncle ****' or 'Aunty *****' and if he did, I think my heart would melt...

WEDDING INFORMATION PACK!!!

Ah AJ I'm not taking the mick (or to any others who are providing this sort of pack) but i think there's something massively uncool about it.

Spread things like this by word of mouth, not in black and white ink. If a guest ruins their shoes by being a part of what looks like potentially a beautiful wedding snap, so what! I couldn't give a toss, there is no way I'd put ugly flats on ESPECIALLY IF IT'S GONNA BE CAPTURED ON CAMERA haha!

We don't have any close family with small children - it's just children of friends or work colleagues.

There's only really 3 that may be problematic, the rest should be old enough to understand the need to be quiet for a bit.

As with many people whose weddings reflect the personality of the bride and groom, so will ours - so if you consider a wedding information pack - which was really just a little booklet with information in it, no different than people with the wallet packs or anything else.

As for 'flat shoes being ugly' well that's a person's choice, as I can't see any reason why flat shoes need not be just as nice as heeled shoes. I'm quite sure that our photographer won't be recording everyone's footwear on the day though so there's no need to worry.

Why not call it an 'information booklet' then? Why dress it up as being a 'wedding information pack'?