OMG! Could really use some support :-)

Honestly, I can't understand why people wouldn't want their immediate family there (including children). I can't imagine not having my niece and nephew as part of our day. Are you close to them? But, lots of people make the decision not to. I personally don't know how I would feel if I had children and they were not invited to my own sisters wedding, but I would completely understand anyone elses wedding. I think when its siblings children its a bit different, but thats my thoughts.

I think its important that people make a decision, think it through properly, and stick with it. Me & OH are only having our neices and nephews at the wedding, no other children. We know we might come into resentment on this, but we will not change this, we have made that decision and it is final, I'm not letting anyone throwing their toys out of the pram throw us.

Stick to your guns, if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have to change yourself and be held ransom by a guest, you've got more right than her to say what happens on your wedding day. The only person with equal say is OH, what did he himself say, does he agree with his family?

Thanks

they are invited to the wedding, just not the ceremony. They aren't old enough to understand what's going on but they are fully invited to the rest of it.

Thanks tho, it helps to hear other opinions

Thank you! See that's how I feel, held to ransom. He just wants his sister to come but I think he agrees with me.

I don't see the big deal then / why they are kicking off.

Unless its a logistical nightmare for them... but either way, they should put their attention into fixing that rather than exploding at you.

Stick with your guns as long as OH feels the same as you do still.

If you've said no kids, then that means no kids, including hers. If she doesn't like it, then her only option is to lump it. There's no way i'd pander to her. It also wouldn't be fair to other people.

In that case, you've already been pretty reasonable. It's a personal choice as to whether you want kids at the ceremony, some love it, some don't. She needs to accept it. Maybe try and keep quiet on it this weekend, don't get into it when all the family are there because you might feel outnumbered/pressure, then generally it'll boil down to her having the option of coming without her kids or not coming, and that's her responsibility whether she misses her own brother's wedding.

Unless its a logistical nightmare for them ...

Nope.- we are providing child care at the reception venue which is also the hotel where they are staying the night before.

Oh! And we have been told we haven to pay for her hotel room too for her, the kids and whoever the new man of the moment is!

I want to marry my OH but his family ...!

Thanks, hope your planning is going well!

I didn't have children in my ceremony. This was actually down to the maximum capacity for the ceremony being lower than that of the wedding breakfast, but the upshot was the same - we couldn't have children in the ceremony.

I hired local childminders for the duration of the ceremony (and a bit before and after) and informed family of this via the invitation and also word of mouth. No one had a problem with it (or if they did, they didn't tell me!).

I am very close to the children in my family but we couldn't do it any other way.

Thanks ebony_rose that's my opinion. How can I say yes to her and no to my bridesmaids kid?!

You've been very helpful!

Horrible situation ?

It's easy for an outsider to say, but it's your day, you've said no children, so stick to what you say. Something like that can't be no children for some, but others allowed to bring their's cos they made a fuss, it wouldn't be fair. I'd say you've done well to reach a compromise with the reception ?

She sounds like she's behaving like a spoilt brat she's been allowed to become because she's used to getting her own way and having someone bail her out. It's only half an hour or so without the children, so what's the big fuss actually about?

Not sure I've been able to help any x

I know when I was a boy that I found Wedding ceremonies boring and I'm sure her boys will feel the same. I don't blame you for not having kids.

I make you right. You're being more than reasonable by having them at the reception, in my opinion - I'm not, except for those kids who's parents absolutely cannot find alternative childcare. (Six children at my wedding).

If she wants to kick off and make an issue and not come, let her. Its not like you are putting a ban on children altogether, and its only for what - twenty minutes?

Thanks everyone for your help.

I feel justified in holding my ground now and I thank you all for helping me.

this has really taken the wind out of my wedding planning-I'm not excited anymore I'm just upset

What a stupid girl! How can her family even ask that of you? She sounds like a spoilt brat spitting her dummy out! What does your oh think? Personally if I were invited to a wedding an my kids couldn't go, fine by me! But, if I got there and here were other children present I'd be really hurt and angry! You should deffo stick to your guns about it. Big hugs xxx

Thanks Confused bride!

We are now not talking to each other, me and my OH. He says he won't marry me unless I give in.

i don't know what to do!

I think you are being MORE than accommodating. There was a problem and you not only solved it, you provided the solution (by hiring a babysitter). When the family came at me, I would explain that I don't want children at the reception, and that its not only hers that are not invited. As well, because you knew it may cause a problem for some guests, you solved it by arranging a sitting service. Once I stated my piece, I would just firmly say discussion is over, period. Hopefully your OH can chime in saying the same and that its "your" (as in the 2 of you) decision and its been made.

I have no idea what their argument would be. No child, esp a boy wants to sit through a boring ceremony, all dressed up. The kids are still getting to be a part of the day, and you and OH have no reason to stress of a child crying/being naughty ruining your moment. I'd say its win/win

What scares me - if she is this bratty and immature what are the kids like? Good luck with this and hopefully it all smoothes over, without it being a huge fight.

Are you kidding me? I think OH and I would be having a MAJOR fight. I dont mean to be negative but you need to take care of this NOW or this is what the rest of your life will be like. I cant believe that its your day and you are being expected to bow down to her ? Sooooooo happy my OH is an only child lol

Yep I'm serious. I can't give in to her childish bullying selfish ways. It's our day right? Plus kids will be so bored they'll talk it's what they do!

Thanks so much you've really helped

Why have you got to pay for her room? Is she part of the bridal party?

Exactly, its yours and your OH day.... so if he wants to now invite them then you need to find out why.

Is it just for an easy life, or is it because now he realises how much it has upset her he doesn't think its worth it etc?

Either way he obviously feels strongly about going back on his word.

Nope! This is how she is. We went to a family wedding in December in London. Hotel room cost £300 cos the family wanted everyone staying in one place. Fine, so we paid. She called up and bitched that she wasn't going cos no one had offered to pay her room fee. We have been told we have to pay for her to come to our wedding.

Honestly I hate her. I don't think there will be a wedding now.

OMG seriously ... he's giving in to her. She'll never stop being a spoilt brat if people give into her. My OHs sister is like that. She's the only girl and has got away with EVERYTHING. She tried to kick up a fuss with me about shoes at the wedding and also about what sort of dress she is going to be wearing. I have basically told her she does as I say or she won't be a bridesmaid.

Thanks Hun, yep that's exactly what it is, easier to upset me right? Thinks ill do anything for a wedding!

sorry you're having the same fight with your OH :-(

xx

That is BANG out of order. I would NOT pay for her. She is not part of the bridal party. If she was a bridesmaid that IMO would be completely different but as she isn't either she should pay for it or someone else. If you Future in laws are so adamant on someone paying for her room why don't they shell out for it. FFS this girl SERIOUSLY needs a reality check.

I sometimes wonder if men really know us!

I'd write to Jeremy Kyle, seems she would fit right in to one of his shows. Either that or hire me and I'll do my best to make her disappear!

Oh would she! My family is so chilled and laid back! I'm not used to this nonsense! If I screw up I'm told to get my sh*t together and then we all move on!

if you could do that you'd be my new favourite magician!

THIS!

As someone has said - backing down at this stage could lead to a lifetime of this sort of behaviour from your OH & his family. It's just the ceremony - which is a serious and personal moment for you that you will want to cherish - she needs to stop being a guestzilla!!

And who the hell says you have to pay for her? Seriously, if it were me, Id be saying that she wouldnt be coming at all now. Call OH's bluff and pretend to cancel the wedding, what do you think he would do in all seriousness? xx

The scariest thing is, I really don't know!

his mum says she won't give us any money if we don't give in. Oh! And now she wants to add 5 more to the guest list, people we don't even know!

by comparison my mum is paying for my dress, whatever I pick she is happy if I am!

omg!!!!