OMG - help and advice needed!

This hasn't happened to me but something similar occurred to a good friend. She was also initially devastated but in the end just let it roll off. I can totally see why you'd be upset - I don't think it's an unnatural reaction - but if you don't think that she did it out of spite, then I'd let it go. Honestly, the fact that she's having it as the same venue as you, whether a week before or month before, is not a huge deal, iMO. I'd only be upset if I thought she had sinister intentions, which it seems she didn't. It would have been better form had she asked your opinion on the matter beforehand, but what's done is done now. You just have to decide whether it's a big enough deal to you to either make it a big deal or to refuse to attend her wedding. Personally, I'd be gracious and attend. If people make comparisons, they'll do so regardless of when her wedding would have been held, and what people think can't be helped. I'm having my wedding in the same venue as several of our good friends had, and the guest list isn't just a few overlapping, but largely overlapping between all the weddings. I'm sure comparisons might be made, but I'm not too worried about it. Just concentrate on making your wedding as special as possible for you!

Hiya,

Havn't had a similar situation but I would be upset about it. I don't think I would mind if it was after our wedding but not beforehand as I would be worried that they would have something the same as ours (decorations etc) and would then feel like I couldnt have it).

Rachel xx

I can understand why you would be upset but at least it's just an ex work friend and not your SIL or a cousin or something.

It doesn't sound like you will have that many of the same guests attending and I imagine your colours, menu choices etc will be different.

I would just draw a line under it. Yes, it's not 100% ideal but its certainly not worth missing her wedding for.

I totally understand - a friend of mine booked her wedding the DAY before ours! (luckily not the same venue) It means that some of our mutual friends had to tell her they would not be able to go to hers, because they were already coming to mine and after all being a guest at 2 long distance weddings is too expensive. We had sent out STDs a year previous, so I was very happy that my friends prioritised my wedding. I think they were actually pretty disgusted with her. Of course it means neither of us can attend each other's weddings which is a shame after so many years of being good friends.

If she is an ex work friend, will there be that many people that you 'share'?

I absolutely get why you might not want to attend *your* venue as someone's else's guest. I would feel weird about it too, and if wasn't that good friends with her would also probably skip the wedding. I wouldn't want to see mine and OHs 'special place' done up to someone else's tastes.

Yeah, I agree - I'd skip it.

This.

Me too. Although it still wouldn't be worth tears and falling out over if it was someone closer, or with more overlapping guests.

I think what I would do though is avoid talking about your plans with her, as I'd get annoyed listening to her 'not-my-taste' plans for the place.

It could be your non-wedding relax day in the run-up to yours, try to enjoy for what it is and not stress about comparisons.

I'd be more than upset !!

If it was me I'd be telling her how much this had upset me possibly even asking if she'd change her date til after mine

or

I'd be moving venues or bringing the wedding forward !

She has changed her date and venue so I'd also be doubtful if it was intentional.

Definitely wouldn't/couldn't attend hers,

I can understand where you're coming from as i would also feel the same but maybe after a while the original shock and dissapointment will go.

You never know, it may be a good way to see some of the details such as timings ect for you own wedding, i.e. a practise run for how long guest will be waiting during photos, how the service flows into the reception. How else could you experience that side of things as a guest at your venue so close to your own wedding.

Basically i'd just try and make the most out of the situation and use it to iron out any kinks from a guest point of view.

Also try to remember that at the end of the day your wedding is about what you want, not what others will think. As long as you and your FH have the wedding you both want and everyone has a nice time.

Even though they have taken the time and consideration to invite you to share in their celebrations?

I can't understand this extreme reaction myself.

Me neither. I think that would be a massive overreaction.

Totally agree with this, A girl I know almost booked my wedding venue and would have had a few of my guests going, but I just went with the view that in my opinion my wedding would be better as it would have everything we wanted and full of people that I loved and wanted there.

?

On reflection (after re reading my comment) this possibly was an over reaction ! ?

So in view of this here's my after thoughts-

After getting over the initial shocked I'd probably just concentrate on making my wedding my own and as for a friend having their wedding so close I'd be happy to have someone that was on the same level to discuss all the planning with.

L x

I think everything has been said already but your weddings will be so different, you'll not care!

Also, you DO have an opportunity, not only to make final checks on food quality but what about sharing decorations etc? Is there a massive centrepiece you want but can't quite afford - would she share costs?

I would be pretty p!ssed actually and I don't think I could attend a friends wedding at my venue a week before my own it just wouldn't feel right (if it was a few months either side maybe??) ....and i wouldnt want people thinking I had copied any of their ideas which they wouldnt be able to do if i didnt attend...

I had a dream about this actually that a friend booked my venue the week before mine and i attended and they had made the venue look so awful and had awful food etc etc which made me not want to get married there (in the dream) and i remember waking up feeling really stressed.

Happened to us, along with problms with venue and buffet per head disagreement we've moved venue. The other venue was a few weeks before ours, will have 30/40 of same guests, including OH's family.

I won't be attending the other wedding even now we do have a different venue as I feel it was done in a slightly underhand way and our invitation came weeks after everyone elses with no comment to what they had done.

I don't think it's fully the same as you, but if I was in your position I probably wouldn't go...

I would just ours to be the first wedding I attended there, certainly wouldn't want to be makiing mental notes myself and comparing stuff.

I hope it doesn't marr your day too much, when is your wedding?

Thanks for your advice, had to laugh at your tag line, the girl who booked the same venue is called Emma!

Ah, sorry - she definitely did it on purpose then!!

So was my one!!!!

(No, not really ?)

*two-fingered salute on its way to you both*

Thank you to everyone for all your good advice, it sounds like you are generally very well balanced people (more so than me). I checked back through my emails to Emma and I told her the date and venue at the end of April, weeks before she picked it.

The thing that really upsets me is that she knew I was getting married there, she says that she thought it was in November (before hers) but surely you'd double check the date if you were going to book it?

It's thrown a different light on little things she's done in the past and I'm wondering if she's really a friend to me at all. ☹️

If this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could attend a wedding in the same venue as mine the week before my wedding because it wouldn't feel special enough for me. I think I would have to decline the invitation to her wedding just to keep my wedding personal to me.

x x x x