OM's: Anyone got married the day before their reception?

We are getting married on the Thursday, then having a Humanist Ceremony on the Saturday with the'do'. We are not counting the marriage on Thursday - just a legality. We will be leaving exchange of rings till Sat. x

Who are you having at your registry part?

Will very much be looking forward to reading your report to hear all about how it works out. I'm glad it's not just me though!

*bump* for any daytime ladies ?

Just to play devils advocate here, we considered a humanist ceremony, which would mean getting legally married the day before. We decided we couldn't do it. I'd be getting married on Friday and to me that is the important part, so thats the part I want people to see.

But if you can honestly say the blessing will mean more to you being done by your friend, then I don't see why it wouldn't work, as long as you and your OH are happy, the guests will be too.

See this is the bit I'm struggling with. The marriage is the bit I want everyone involved in.

However, I do think it is what you make it and if we approach it just thinking about the registry bit as the legal bit and treat the blessing as the real thing, then it works.

Ahhh ?

Plenty of people have done this CB, when there are religious issues involved. It is only relatively recently that you could have a ceremony anywhere other than a register office or a church.

My parents had their register office ceremony on the Friday attended by close family and then their huge do on the Saturday with a shortened version of a Hindu ceremony. This worked for them as my mum got to have a white dress and walk down an aisle with bridesmaids on the Friday and then my dad got to have a more Asian celebration on the Saturday.

So I do think it would "work" but you have to have a good think about your reasons and what would make the two of you happiest. Is it purely about money, or having thought about it would you really appreciate the chance to 'personalise' the ceremony you do in front of everyone?

My sister got married at 4pm on a friday afternoon and only had very close friends and family at the ceremony, which was then followed by a small intimate wedding breakfast that evening. She had her reception/hogroast on the Sunday afternoon/evening (it was a bank holiday weekend) and it was fantastic. A great excuse to celebrate the whole weekend ?

I may be being a bit of a div here CB, but why would you want to do it like this - is it because you want your friend to be the ones to 'marry' you as it were?

Sorry if I am being an idiot, my head's still fuzzy from migraine

There's two/three reasons:

1) It's cheaper by about £200 to get married in a registry office. So if it does turn out we're on a tight budget then every little helps

2) One of the venue's I'm looking at (which I love!) isn't registered for weddings and the nicest registry office is about an hour away = lots of travelling for guests. If we got the legal stuff out of the way the day before, then it would cut out a load of faff with transport etc. (Of course there's the option of finding a wedding venue closer but the would then cost hiring out that venue and the registrar costs on top)

3) Doing it this way means the blessing would be a bit more personal (like Sasi says), everyone would be involved and I think it would be more relaxed.

Hope your head feels better soon ?

That sounds fab thanks! ?

Thanks CB.

I see - that all makes sense.

In that case - I don't see why that should be a problem at all. It would be lovely to have a service that's really personal and without any restrictions.

What venues have you seen that you like?

Good to hear it doesn't sound completely stupid then!

Umm we're looking at a few different areas round the country (Essex, Norfolk and Lake District) but the one I've found which is causing this line of thought is Back To The Garden in Norfolk. Its a farm shop cafe/restaurant but it looks amazing and really different, plus they're reasonably priced. I also like Marks Hall in Essex.

Friends of ours got "married" in Majorca.

As you cannot legally get married in Spain, they did the legal part at a RO the week before with their parents.

The wedding was still amazing and no less special, they had a local priest come and do a blessing as well.

Glad to hear it worked well for them Mrs C. Fanks ?

I was outraged when I first learned that humanist ceremonies are not legally recognised. But then I learned that Islam, Sikh - all the major religions are not recognised wither. They all have to do a registry wedding and then have their ceremony separately.

Now I am at peace with the concept I am actually really pleased. We will be wearing a smart outfit to the registry office but not fancy. I will wear a dress, and H will wear a shirt and jeans. Only my parents are coming as witnesses (only 2 ppl allowed if we opt to get married in the office - 1/5 of the price of the main room in the registry office). Plus i really don't want it made a big deal by the amount of people there. I am so glad that we are getting the legalities done before, as the ceremony WILL be a whole marriage ceremony - just not legally recognised. Infact most guests won't know it's not unless I tell them. The best bit is H and I have written EVERY word of the ceremony and it is so personal. There is nothing we have to say to make it legal.

Good luck with your decision. For us, it was about emphasising to family and friends that they are at the ceremony that matters to us. We will celebrate our anniversary on the 9th not the the 7th June.

Another bonus is once you are married - you know H will turn up to the do - theres no point in him running away as he is already trapped

Hi Canary, I realise this is an old post but I wondered if you went ahead with your idea to split the legal aspect from the wedding ceremony? We are planning to do this and would be interested how it went for you.

Hi Jess

No we didn't in the end, we ended up getting married in our friends church.

Sorry I can't be of more help!

I'm doing this we have a registry office on the Friday to do the legal bits!! Then actually get married (a blessing) with our pastor on the Sunday at our reception venue! No one will know that we've done the legal bit already!

Its a wedding ceremony and will be formatted as such... Just no signing of register! We'll do out vows and exchanging of rings which we don't intend to do at registry office!

Jess, we did it. It was AMAZING!!

We are both atheists, and I also have a bee in my bonnet about same-sex marriages not being legal (currently) so I wanted to move away from all the usual constraints and do something that suited us and was open to all. Which meant a Humanist ceremony we wrote with the celebrant to suit our own needs.

However, due to wanting kids, and then wills and things we also wanted to be recognised as legally married. The 'legals' would never EVER EVER be recognised by us as our wedding, nor celebrated as an anniversary, nor acknowledged by family.

We went to a registry office on a Friday in June in smart but not wedding clothes, with 4 members of the family (both mums, who didn't understand our concept, were desperate to be there) and did it quietly. It was beautiful! Because the Predding (pre-wedding) was just an afterthought (all the focus had been on the BIG day) it surprised me that I was moved me to find myself there, in front of my mum and son, marrying the most wonderful man I'd ever met!

We all went for lunch, then everyone went home and he and I did a 10 hour bar crawl round the city!!

Then, 8 days later was Our Wedding Day. Bridemaids, best man, flowers, big white dress, proper ceremony, singing, rings, wedding breakfast, the works. It was clearly a wedding, only not like any of our guests had been to before. It was on the stage of a local village hall and it was a bit quirky but went very well and we got so much great feedback. it was our perfect day. The day I wanted so much. And it wouldn't have been so if we'd had to fit in a legal ceremony as well. I'm very glad and would recommend it to anyone!

I'm glad this thread has been revived. Can I ask a technical question of those who have done the legals days before the actual wedding day? Did you spend the night before the actual wedding day with you OH as you were legally married or treat it exactly as a wedding by spending the night apart, get ready with bridesmaids in the morning and walk down the aisle to your OH?

At the moment we are thinking that we would have the civil ceremony in the venue, then a short blessing after (once the registrar has left!) and continue with the day - but my worry is guests may feel it goes on too long if. If we did the legals before we could just start the day with the blessing which would be designed to feel like the normal ceremony.

We didn't treat the Predding as being married. Yes, the day felt very special and wonderful but to us it was one step closer to our wedding/being married. So the next day it was business as usual, back to sorting wedding things. Being married meant vows surrounded by people we love, not a legal statement of intent. So our wedding day was traditional. I stayed in a hotel with my son the night before, then he went back to jion Team Groom and my bridesmaids joined me. I didn't see hubby until I walked in the hall. An amazing moment I'll never forget.

As for civils on same/different day; I think it depends on what you want from your extra ceremony. I wanted way too much to incorporate the legals too, we had a hand fasting, singing, we read out 'Reasons why I love you' to each other, a reading, had longer than standard vows, and had a musical interlude where guests came up and hung the bunting they had decorated/embroidered for us (that was over ten minutes alone).

My vote, personally, would be to keep them separate. And you also get two days that mean something to you as a couple. Bonus!

Kentish Gal, great to hear that it all went well and you were happy with the way you did things. You expressed your reasoning so much better than I could, but you pretty much said just how we feel about it.
Gemini Bride, I would also vote to keep the legals and the ceremony separate, and YES, absolutely treat it as your wedding day... spend the night apart, get ready with your bridesmaids and walk down the aisle, do exactly what you want! We briefly considered having an extra ceremony after the registrar had left. This was suggested by the registrar when we discovered that they were unable to personalised our ceremony the way we wanted. However, we felt this was a little confusing for guests and too disjointed for our taste. Also, on the financial side it involved paying £550 for a registrar to come to our venue and conduct a basic service which we can receive in the reg office for £49!! We have found a wonderful celebrant who is working with us to write a heartfelt, personal ceremony which includes everything we want. I really think this will become more and more the norm as registrars are so restricted on what they can offer.

Seeing this totally confused me!

The day of the legal bit will not be considered our wedding... In our book we will not be married. On the day we do legal bit, I'll be going back home with my parents (we don't currently live together), he'll go back to our new flat!

none of our guest will actually know that we are already married and it is actually a blessing. It will be structured as a wedding ceremony we'll do the vows and exchanging of the rings etc etc...

At the legal ceremony we will just do the bare minimum and what's legally required.

We are!

We plan to get the first appointment (9am) at the registry office for the legals. No rings, no dresses, no flowers, no photos.

We'll then go our seperate ways and the 'wedding' starts at about 1pm with the full shebang!

This means we save a tonne of cash, get the ceremony we want and can get married outdoors in our venue of choice!

This is pretty much what we are doing, so glad we have decided to do it this way.

Same as you, we will save a ton of money, get the wedding ceremony we want, plus the level of customer service, help and advice we are receiving from our celebrant is way and above anything the council registrars would be able to offer.