on the angle of stoooopid/offensive comments - aa lady that I work with really upset me today

Not at all!! i'd be horrified if someone did that to me. I can understand why you'd want to deal with it on your own but i really think you should bring it up again with your boss and make an official complaint. I really don't understand why some adults don't grow out of bullying. She's obv jealous of you being younger and more successful

My god, sweetie how crap...she sounds like an absolute cowbag, and I'm afraid if she'd been like that for a year (that alone is dreadful), that final comment would have been the straw that broke the camels back.

Is she unaware that she's so insensitive. If I were you, that grievance would now be in writing and on the desk of the person that can fire her I think you need to do all you can to get this witch gone.

Is there nobody else that can back you up...she is already aware of how much you dislike and her bullying acts are being watched I presume?

You're not being over sensitive, you shouldn't have to have spent so many months hating where you work just because of her, but I do think you need to sort it...and soon...and not on your own!

Many hugs to you xxxxx

No definitely not she sounds like a right ungrateful b**ch to say that when youve arranged lunch for her. She sounds jealous of your good position. I've met a few people like that who hate answering to someone younger. I was the third member of staff on tills where i used to work and there were girls the same age as me who hated that i was their senior in the scheme of things. She should get over herself. There is a reason why you have the job and she doesnt x

I feel so pathetic, I havent got the guts to stand up to her - I guess she has been chipping away at me for so long now that I just dont feel like I can stand up for myself.

HR have put me into some coaching sessions to help build up my confidence -but its all well and good practising, it is putting it into action that is the problem.

? I am so ashamed of myself, I am so weak

Please don't feel that way babe.

You're totally not being unreasonable and she's being a b*tch. Raise that greivance on monday.?

B x

Fark me...you're the last person I'd ever imagine needing confidence coaching...I'm truly surprised by this. I think it would be good to have a 4 way meeting - you, boss, HR and witch. It's not good for your health & wellbeing of you and your colleagues...and if HR have seen it to a point that they send you for coaching...then there is a serious issue on her part.

What if all us hitchers ganged up on her <punches fists together heavy boy stylee)!

What a ***!! you need to tell her to stop or you will end up going mad x

sorry if i offend anyone but i have no time for bullies, they are normally just cowards and they make me angry ?

My Friend was going through this. One night we had a good chat to her and i said 'without giving much thought, next time just ask her what her problem is'. She did and this woman did not know where to put herself. Not only that, once my friend started she couldn't stop. ?

I never understand why people want to do this. Sara i hope the coaching goes well and you either confront her about this or report her. People like this will keep doing it for as long as you allow them too.

YOU ARE NOT WEAK! she's a right b*tch. I think you really should go to HR/management about it and ask for more help. She shouldnt be allowed to bully you in this way and its unfair of them to just allow you to say you'll deal with it yourself when she's making you feel so c*ap about yourself.

?

hey sweet,

don't ever say you are pathetic or weak!! seems to me that this stuck up cow cannot take the fact that:

a: you are her SENIOR (which is fab by the way well done you and only being 22!!)

b: you are planning your fab wedding

it just seems like bitterness to me hun. i agree with the girlies - you need to get this sorted, its obv eating away at you and that is not a good thing. i have no time for bullies, i work in a very male oriented place and from the day i started i had to put a few noses out of joint as its just something i do not tolorate.

i know its easy for ppl to say sort it out but you need to do it for yourself as you will end up going crazy. keep your chin up hun x ?

I'm sorry but handling it alone and not raising a grievance doesn't mean going out there and battling on alone. It means a member of HR or a senior manager being in an informal meeting with you both to mediate. It is also extremely unusual for an employee to be taking a grievance against a more junior employee as by now I would have expected you to sit her down and say I have an issue with you which is when you did this, this and this you made me feel like this and I can't accept this from one of my employees. Can I recommend an assertiveness course I did one many years ago, some of my staff and my boss, may say it worked a bit too well. But basically tell yourself how much worse could I make things by tackling it. It is of course possible that she is just totally thoughtless and didn't even connect what she said with you getting married.

Hope you get it dealt with soon

My goodnes I can't believe you've been left to handle this for so long! HR may be aware of it, but I think it's about time someone got involved. You shouldn't have to put up with this, god you must dread work!!

I manage a couple of people older than me, including one man who's coming up to 65. He hates working for me, and does every sneaky thing he can think of to do what he wants. Wise to his ways...........? New boy that's got a bit big for his boots is due for a stamping down on on Monday too.......... <<evil *** boss icon>>.

Stop being so nice to her, don't try to be her friend. She's horrible!! Not worth your effort. Get someone to step in and arrange some mediation and get it all out in the open. Is she only like this with you??

(((()))'s for you.

Sara, she sounds awful. You are not a loser, I think you did the right thing saying nothing at the time as you didn't rise to the bait, which as her senior is correct. If you had have said anything you probably would have kicked yourself after. You've tried to sort this out on your own, it's now time for you to raise a grievance I think. If you take out the age difference (because she hardly sounds like she's acting her age) what would you do?

P.S. I had no idea you were 22, you come across as so much more mature than that, in a good way!

Hey Hun,

How horrendous for yu - she is a b*tch!!!

I would get HR involved - write down every instance of this behaviour that you can think of and take it straight to them

After a year of this, she thinks she can just get away with it.

And you are not weak, you are lovely. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I am with Tahdah on having a hitched gang mob her!

x

Hi Sara!

I'm up for that Becky! I hate bullies. Sara, don't feel down. Is she married out of interest? I feel sorry for her husband if she is! I was married at 25 and my hubbie was 23 and although when I say it, it sounds young now, it was totally the best thing for both of us. We knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together very quickly, we were engaged after 3 months and married after 1 year and 2 weeks of being together and we are coming up to our 6th anniversary next month!

Your bully has learnt over the last year which buttons to push and seems to be able to do it well. I wouldn't try and deal with it by yourself and I would definately get her pulled up on it! It's the same as being bullied at school and not wanting to get the teachers involved because of recriminations. Well my dear, your not 12 anymore, and as soon as she realises she's being observed for bullying in the work place, you may find she changes towards you. Fine she mighten not become your best friend, but your day could just improve.

Your obviously not dealing with it by yourself well and it's affecting you. I would look to taking it further. I don't think it's for you to be sent on some course and to get some more self confidence, I think it's for her to go on an anti bullying course to sort out HER behavioiur. Why should you try and change, you've done nothing wrong!

Rant over,

I hope your trip to Paris helps, maybe find out what working with nice people will be like!

Ruth

x

Oh Sara - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can understand how your feeling as I have had a similar situation (not so much bullying but more of a incurable difference of opinion).

I used to try and make nice but now we keep it on a totally business level and its really helped. I admire you not wanting to involve HR and dealing with it yourself. Have you ever spoken to this woman about it?

I did with the woman in my office and now we have a coffee every month (I don't look forward to it tbh) but that is the time when we can discuss things that have happened in the office without a conflict infront of everyone . For example this month I asked her to stop talking about me in the office and telling people I wasn't doing my job! Cheek! Although she is older than me and working for a more senior member of the team I have been doing the job longer and often have advice for her - I try to help and she (I think) is starting to realise that now that a lot of the conflict is out of the way...

I'm around to chat on FB or email if you want any advice (or just to rant!)

Hope it works out soon., x

Sara, please please don't continue trying to deal with this by yourself. I too was bullied at work for about 8 months at a place where my line manager thought it was funny to takw the pi** out me for my weight and tell me and others in the middle of the office I was crap at my job. SHe was horrible to me and it was humiliating and I thought that if I didn't make too much of a fuss by making it official with the big bosses andHR then I could deal with it and make it go away. I thought that she would get worse if she knew I had made a formal complaint about her, so I let it continue for months. My depression returned, my self confidence was on the floor and I ended up believing her that I was generally a crap loser. Until one day when I thought I can't do this anymore. I went to HR and big boss and told them everything saying that I wanted it making official and I had documented some of the days, times and what she had said to me and who was present at the time- in case HR needed witnesses. She was hauled into the bosses office presented with the info I had collected, she had to admit what she was doing as it was written down in detail, it all went down on her record and she has that for her career now and she had to stop bullying me as the bosses were watching her closely. Thing is Sara, you need only have to summon the courage the first time to make it official and then ball is rolling and life will get better- not worse. Bullying, whether it's in the workplace or between kids at school, is a massive no-no and your bosses will know that it is in the company's best interest to sort it out or else it could end up in really bad publicity for them if the paper's found out and thier reputation would be damaged.

So please, this weekend get writing some episodes of this bullying down, then on Monday, first thing in the morning, arrange a meeting with HR or boss, take the paper with you and tell them everything. They will support you 100% I promise as its in thier best interest to take care of their employees. Good luck and stay strong chicken.

Mel x (Sorry for the essay!)

Hey.

I have been going through a similar thing which I hate as I am not a shy/unconfident person but certain people at work took a dislike over professional matters which they decided to take personally.

All came to a head a couple of weeks ago and my boss (headteacher) said she'd rather i delt with it than her (!!???!). But just knew I couldn't sit down and talk to the guy involved (and his hareem of adoring fans who are all scared of him).

But over the weekend suddenly decided it was actually my only option. wrote a script (!) and had a chat with him on the Monday morning. He just came back and said it was all my fault (because he is an idiot!!!) (and actually a really bad manager) (and actually not a very good teacher) (and actually REALLY horrid to the kids) and was very offish with me for a couple of days.

However, gradually he has actually started acting like a human being towards me ie saying 'Good Morning' and acknowledging I exist at time other than telling me off.

So I know it is hard and I put it off for eight months, but speaking to the person directly has really worked out for me. I was aware that if I went down the grievance/sitting down with the Boss route the whole thing suddenly took on a whole other level and think he eventually realised that I wasn't going to put up with it for much longer and it would be better for him to start acting appropriatly before that happened.

So I would urge you to sit down with this woman, prepare exactly what you have to say and give it a try. If that doesn't work it also looks better going to your boss saying'I have tried. here is a copy of what i said' as then they can't pass the buck back to you.

Sorry, that was a bit of an epic....

(ps, have just got a new job so having finally sorted the situation I'm leaving anyway. Doh!).

Oh Sara, that's awful. you are in no way being over sensitive or weak. You have been strong to deal with it for so long! But you shouldn't have to. I 100% agree with all the others in that something needs to be done about it. I was bullied for a long time at school and it is awful not having anyone to talk to about it. Hopefully by telling everyone here about it will give you the strength to talk to your boss & HR to ensure somehting gets done now.

I know everyone says that bullies are bullies through jealousy, but I do actually believe that. it sounds to me that this woman is bitter becuase you have achieved something that she obviuosly hasn't (in that you're her senior) and at a younger age. She sounds like she is jealous of your success and wants to see you fall, and doesn't like the fact that your personal life is as successful (or more successful) than your work life, where you are already ahead of her. The statement about being married too young is utter rubbish. You know it's right and that's what matters. It would be interesting to know whether she is married?

please do something about it, for your own sake. It's going to drive you mad if not. Others in your team can obviously see how uncomfortable she makes you, and I would bet they would all back you up, as they have seen it first hand.

You have a wonderful wedding to plan, and you don't want to have this WITCH hanging over your head, upsetting you when it should be the happiest time of your life.

You are strong - stay strong.

BIG HUGS

xx

What a cow! Maybe you should make a formal complaint at this point, you've had to deal with this rubbish for long enough! She's just jealous!!!!

I am in the minority when it comes to the thinking on raising a grievance or taking this comment to HR.

I think our HR department would be amazed if i came to them because someone said that anyone gettting married in their 20's is mad. I think you need to be more assertive in work but if you are out for a lunch/dinner., anything that is said is not really a work issue.

I am 34 and it wouldnt take me to be thin skinned at some of the things said in my presence in work; I work with 4 mothers all in their 20's and i'm always being asked when i'm going to have children and to make sure i don't leave it too late. I usually reply that i'm sure I would have had the same opinion as them when i was their age however i'm glad that i did my girls holidays and boozy nights out at the age that they are bogged down with nappies. I am trying for a baby but wouldnt discuss it with work collegues.

People say things and express their own opinions, it doesnt mean that you should be offended. You had the chance to express your opinion and i'm sure others in your workplace have married in their 20's as its the most common age to get married.

I think you are taking this ladies comments too personally and whilst letting this one go, it sounds like you need some support from HR to help you deal with your situation and they can advise if this lady is being a bully or if you are being too sensitive.

The term bully is very strong and i'm surprised that HR have sat by whilst you've said that this lady bullies you. I can't imagine our HR team would let someone deal with that on their own as once bullying is discussed, it starts a serious investigation.

Can i clarify that i don't agree with bullying anywhere in life. I have mediated in my workplace between girls where there is no bullying going on, just differences of opinion and things have been sorted out with a face to face meeting. I have been told that someone was bullying and when i investigated, it was a matter of the girl making comments not realising how her comments were being taken. She had been engaged in conversation by the complainant and when opinions were expressed, they were taken to heart. Girl accused of bullying had never been told that complainant found their conversations to be upsetting so she didnt have a clue and was devastated when i called her in to tell her that allegations of bullying had be levied against her.

I disagree with you QueenBee, to me it sounds as though this situation has been a long standing issue with Sara and if the comments that the woman at her work are making her consistenty feel negative and therefore affecting her confidence then it has to be addressed. It sounds to me as though the woman is insensitive and overbearing and needs to be told by someone in higher authority that her conduct is not appropriate to the workplace.

x

I don't think you fully appreciate the situation. Sara isn't just upset because someone made a comment about people getting married in their 20's is stupid, this woman has been bullying her for a long period of time. When someone is in that situation, of course you will take things said personally. I don't even think Sara would go to HR and say 'so and so said blah blah getting married in the 20's is stupid'. That's not her grievance and I don't think it's for you to judge how her HR department is handling it. Every company has different sorts of people working for them, some good, some bad, it may be that in Sara's case it's bad. Staff at your work place are obviously a lot luckier.

Hi Sara

I hope you are feeling better after all the comments, it does sound like she hates the fact you are more senior than her but younger and obv the fact your getting married. I know how you feel, I work in training and recruitment for adults and like you I am 24 and getting married next year. Sometimes the adults I teach/deliver training sessions to hate the fact I am usually much younger than them, I usually state it shouldnt matter what age you are as long as you are competent in your job which thankfully I am (well havnt had anything different said to me so far lol) In regards to what QueenBee said: if your with 2 or more members of staff anywhere (e.g. out of the office at lunch) than what she said can be rise for a grievance it doesnt matter you are not in work.

I can only give you my advice on what I would do - I would confront her easier said than done other than that raise it with HR thats what they are there for other than that have a rant on hitched and know we are all here with words of encouragement!!

Hope the situation improves

Claire aka mrslowndes2b! xx

Sara - I've only just seen this thread and I want to say that you are NOT a loser! You are funny, intelligent and gorgeous!!

I feel so sorry for you, but you need to stop her behaviour by either confronting her next time she is rude, (not in a fishwife way!) or taking it HR.

Let us know how you get on, my love. xx