Only just started planning and already disputes are starting :/ Advice?

Ok, the sister - why not ask her to do a reading at the wedding? I wouldn't have her as my bridesmaid if I didn't know her very well.

I'm actually quite close to H's sisters but they still weren't my bridesmaids. We asked one to do a reading and the other to be a witness.

Could you ask him mum to be a witness?

How many guests do you have? A bridal party of 9 is quite a lot.

We have about 120 guests.

I want my kids to feel a really important part of the day but if I start bringing other kids I don't know personally into the equation I am worried it won't seem such an important role to them or they won't feel as special.

It's a church wedding, do you have to have witnesses at a church wedding? I thought that was the best man and MoH?

I would just do exactly what you want to do just be firm and say no! I don't entertain any grief from my family (not that there has been much grief YET!) its easy for me to do as we are paying for everything ourselves....Is OH saying these things to yoy because other family members are putting pressure on him?

I agree OH can take his mum out shopping if he wants but like you say she is not your mum so there is no bond there I would never call up OH mum and take her out shopping and he would never do that with mine either.

As Kharv said witness is a good option for mum and I dont really get readings but if you having them i guess that would be a good idea too.

IMO - Your bridesmaids should be people that are close to you - family and best friends apply. Having someone you haven't even been formally introduced to as one of your bridesmaid for the sake of it is a bit pointless and a waste of money.

With regards to your MIL, my OH's parents gave us a speech at the beginning of our wedding planning saying that they were leaving the planning up to me, my mum and my OH, and that they didn't want to get involved. Then about 6 weeks ago, OH's mum had a bit of a meltdown because she was being left out of everything(!!). I get on quite well with her so I've asked her along to a wedding dress shopping day in a few week's time with my mum to make her feel a bit involved and using the opportunity for us to go for a girly lunch and 'mother's bonding with each other' experience. She has cheered up no end.

I would ask your OH if his mum has said something about not feeling involved. Is she hasn't, leave her out of it. If she has, perhaps take her along to the florist if you're not comfortable with the dress shopping thing??

My advice in a nutshell - put your foot down about your bridesmaids - if your OH wants more pageboys, that is up to him. Speak to your OH about his mum and take it from there x x x

We are also paying for the wedding ourselves too. I didn't think it would be a worry, I have always just imagined my kids would be my bridal party along with my best mate and her daughter and that was it but now he is adding to it which is also eating up our budget too!

Also, I have another very close friend but I am not asking her to be bridesmaid because then she would expect her daughter to play a role like my other friend's is but then that means her son would also have to play a role and it's never ending so I have decided not to ask her, however if I did have OH's sister that I don't even know I think my other friend has a right to be a bit peeved and hurt if she isn't.

Nope, she isn't putting pressure on him because nobody even knows yet! lol We are waiting for my ring to come then we are going to tell his mum, my mum and our close friends and just send save the dates out to announce it to others. So it's just him putting pressure on me lol

Weve had this its a bloody nightmare!

Im having 2 of ohs sisters his brothers partner and one of my mates as bridesmaids although i wish i could have my cousion who im close too but we werent speaking at the time i got engaged so thats that! flowergirl is ohs niece/god daughter thats it he has 2 other nieces and the niece who is involved also has a brother but they arent involved either, you have to draw the line somewhere! Ohs sisters arent tooo happy but whatever our wedding our rules!

Dont start all the "right shes involved so that means she has to be involved" nonsense because you will end up with a bridal party of about 50!

Thanks Scully x

It's so difficult, I have read loads of stories where it all gets a bit messy and brides end up stressed and have thought I would do or say this this and this if that happened to me but hey here I am stressing lol The size of the bridal party doesn't bother me, I have 6 kids so it was always going to be biggish lol but I don't want a boat load of randoms just for the sake of it either x

Kay I wouldn't mind if it was a bridal party of 50 people I loved lol It's a bloody nightmare isn't it! x

I agree that there are plenty of other ways to let people be involved. A reading for the sister, the MIL as a witness. Have who you want in the bridal party. You pick your bridesmaids because you want them to be a part of your day and you think they can help keep you calm and help you enjoy getting ready in the morning.

If OH is god father to someone and wants them included then that's fine if you're happy with it. It doesn't mean any brothers or sisters have to be involved. My mum is god mother to one of my cousins and she always got extra present s at birthday or Christmas compared to my other cousins for that reason. Everyone knew why and it never caused any problems. Why do you have to involve the kids if OH wasn't included in their Christenings? I don't mean that to sound petty, but having a godchild involved is more understandable than every niece/nephew.

Tortoise, is the MoH and the best man not the witnesses? If not then asking MIL would be a nice idea.

I think it's fairly traditional to have MOH and BMan, but you can have whoever you want. If you elope or do it in secret you can hire people to do it. They probably have to be 18 or something though because its a legal document.

Would my MoH feel like she wasn't MoH if she wasn't a witness? Oh god the stress lol

Mine wouldn't. Only thing you can do is ask her.

Yeah, I think if I ask her and explain she will be fine about it actually. Thanks Tortoise.

I would ask his mum to be a witness. In the run up to our day I had huge issues with MIL as she wanted to be involved and 'check everything for her day' - Her words not mine, I was fuming. So I agree, they need to feel involved, perhaps get her to start researching flowers etc so she can have a say in something you dont mind too much about. As for his sister, I guess thats a battle you either have to fight or give in and let him have what he wants, but as your brother isnt strictly involved in a specific role, you'd be justified in saying neither can she be.

To be fair I don't know my brother too well. We have only met about 4 times in the last few years as we grew up seperately. He will of course be invited to the wedding but he won't be playing a role as such. I'm thinking I will see how I go with our budget and how far that stretches then if we can afford another couple of bridesmaid then I will ask my other friend and his sister but explain to my other friend that I can't afford for her kids to be a part of the bridal party, or just tell her the truth and say I only want my own kids.

You could ask his mom to the sign the register - will give her a role within the service...

I have decided to ask his Mum to be witness and I will go along with the bridesmaid thing to keep the peace too, I'm sure it will be fine, we can work it out within the budget I'm sure even though he has said not to worry about it now, I don't want to cause bad feeling just for one day x

I have really begun to dislike the planning due to the family plitcs of everything. I did take my MIL dress shopping before i took my mum, which i don't think my mum liked but at the end of the day i wanted someone who wouldn't give there opinion as much as my mum does lol! I'm not that close to MIl and she drives me absolutely batty lol but as she has 4 boys and each of their wives did everything themselves i thought it would be nice for me to do stuff with her... we went to a wedding fayre too which was nice for her! At the end of the day it's up to you, it's not really traditional for her to e involed and if you don't want her to be part of certain bits then don't.. my SIL hasn't told this side of the family anything (long story) which has made MIL feel she is attending the wedding as a guest, not as the MoG if that makes sense, so i wanted her to feel a part of mine because of how much this has upset her not knowing anything at all! It is her sons wedding after all too...

Think i babbled a lot there lol

* father - walking me down the aisle

* one moh - best friend

* two best men - his best mates

* mothers - witnesses

* four brothers - ushers

* soemthing old/something new/something borrowed/ something blue being split between mum, his mum, my nan and my grandma - a great way to include everyone and have a personal touch on the day... they were honoured when i asked!

that is it! and the ushers arent in wedding party outfits, just get to venue early, greet the guests as between them they'll know almost everyone and show people to their seats (then the duties are over after the ceremony they can just get drunk!)

once you really get into making the budget your h2b should see just how pricey it will be to include EVERYONE! plus it sounds like the godsons parents and the sister wouldnt expect to be asked... you already have worthy wedding party people.

good luck! so far me and h2b have agreed on everything but i'm sure there'll be a time when we'll clash. i do agree the groom is perfectly withing his rights to organise his own and the best mens suits.. with no input from me. He doesnt get a say in my dress. I think it's actually really nice that your husband is showing that much interest and wants to surprise you!! I'm looking forward to seeing him for the first time at the bottom of the aisle... it will be the only real surprise for me all day!!

SummerLouise, I didn't want anyone at all there to give an opinion lol so I went on my own. I think what you are doing for you MIL is lovely, and I think my MIL will feel the same if she isn't included in anything. I don't think she would expect to be because I'm not her daughter but he is her son so I know she would like to feel like more than just a guest too. My mum isn't doing anything regarding the planning but I might ask her to be witness along with his mum so they are both doing the same like Nikkihunttobe is doing (great idea Nikki)

My wedding is all very mish mash when it comes to people, especially my side because none of my blood relatives will be there apart from one of my younger brothers as I grew up in care so my Mum, is actually my foster mum, the person giving me away is actually someone who used to foster my brother who I ended up moving in with as a teenager and him and his wife treated my like their own so he is giving me away and his wife is also one of my mums so will also be up the top table haha. Then I have both of their familes and then my friends! Who says you can't choose your family eh? lol

I don't mind having her as BM if it keeps everyone happy, and I suggested that both our mum's are witnesses (I think he was going to say no, he wanted his best man and mum but I would have punched him haha) but no he is fine about that. So now everyone important to each of us gets a part in the day, it might not be how I imagined it but it's not just my day x

I think adult bridesmaids are entirely the choice of the bride, and best man/ushers are entirely the choice of the groom. We are having OH's niece as a flowergirl and I never considered not having her but equally I don't think anyone would be offended if I didn't want her. I agree that I don't think you should have one sibling and not the other so it's a bit awkward!

There are plenty of things an adult can do at a wedding. We're given people roles of signing the register, doing a song/reading, introducing/making a speech. I wouldn't be happy if OH expected his sister to be a bm when I barely know her!

I know Ellebob but it saves bad feeling. I am hoping, if she has anything about her she wouldn't WANT to do it lol but I have to offer. I did suggest a reading to him and he said 'oh she wouldn't do that!' so I said well there's only so much she CAN do to be a part of it! He doesn't even know if she would wear a dress, I WOULD draw the line there mind, I don't want a bridesmaid in trousers!

Oh, what a nightmare! If I asked OH's sis she'd probably turn up with unwashed hair and a multicoloured hat she knitted herself, lol

Oh hahahaha well I suppose I should be thankful for trousers then lol