Opinions on names after divorce..

I didn't when I got divorced but now that I'm getting married again I find myself not wanting my ex's name on my marriage certificate. I'm thinking of changing it back to my maiden name with the bank I have my savings account with so that I have a recent statement with my maiden name and current address and can give notice in my maiden name. I wouldn't be using my maiden name day to day, though.

My fiance has also been married before. He does have a child with his ex-wife and she is also planning to keep his name.

She can't be forced to chnage it. What she wants to be called is totally within her gift I'm afraid. What we would do is irrelevant as everybody is different :/ x

I didn't change my surname the first time round, ans my now-ex-husband took my surname instead.

He isn't planning to change his name, although if he ever decides to remarry his new missus may have an issue with that!

I don't think it matters whether you are the 1st or 31st Mrs ******. I think being the current and last Mrs ****** is what matters.

Someone I know has double-barreled their first husband's surname with their new husband's surname.

Now THAT I found weird. I'd have had something to say about that if I was the new husband.

Generally speaking, I think a lot of people keep their ex-husband's name until they decide to remarry. In that position, you own that name and it's familiar to you. It may be a nicer name than your maiden name even. As such I can understand people not bothering to change back to their maiden name when divorcing, children or no children.

I did deed poll straight away as such back to my maiden name, dont want to be his surname for any minute longer than I have to.

Now double barreling is very weird lol.

i know I can't make her think it's just winding me up that she's splashing all over fb that she will make sure she ruins our wedding plans...

Big breath!! I will go to the ball... I will go to the ball lol

xx

You WILL indeed. Just do not rise to it. Seriously. Keep a dignified silence and carry on with your planning.

You can guarantee that the person who remains quiet gets more respect from everyone else. Not the loud mouth.

That's what I am trying. Hopefully I can show a bit of class and dignity and like OH said if divorce isn't through in time to give notice and we loose the date we will negotiate on deposits when it comes through and maybe bring it forward. She might be postponing it but she can't stop it!

Xx

She will only wind you up with these things if that is what you choose. Take control and say out loud that it doesn't matter what she does/says/calls herself. If she realises it is not having an effect on you she will get bored of trying to wind you up. But if she thinks she is getting a reaction she will carry on and she wins the battle, although not the war.

Hard though it may be to realise, you have the upper hand...the prize. She may just be jealous.

I actually did briefly consider doing exactly this, just because it's also my daughter's surname

I changed mine by deed poll as soon as I found out me and my OH where expecting our son.

As everything is done in mums name 'baby mums surname' and my name is all over the scan photos / paperwork I really didn't want my ex husbands surname on it all!!

If you don't have kids together the only reason I can imagine people keeping the name is if they've been that name for a long long time!

I kept my exs name when we divorced but in my case it was for the sake of the children and making sure they still saw us as a family despite the horrible times we'd been through.

However, my h2bs ex is also having a strop over me taking his name. Let her!!! It makes no difference to me if she wants to be childish, I will be mrs a whether she likes it or not.

It is her choice I'm afraid but it isn't the name thats Importanr, its the fact that you are his wife and she is not. Pity her for her inability to let him go and enjoy your life xxx

My mum is friends with someone who did that. She had 3 kids with her first husband and now has 2 with her second and didn't want to not have all her children's surnames so kept both! So odd!

I dont know any divorced ladies that went back to their maiden name... why should she go through all that hassle again of switching everything back over etc...

I went back to my maiden name straight after. It's going to be hard taking on my new husbands name. He wants me to because I did last time. I don't want to really because it meant so much going back! Not really sure who I am anymore eh eh

In that case - don't. Tell your OH it's not about not having faith in your marriage but about who you are. You are marrying him and don't need his surname. If he wants you to share the same name then he could change his to yours.

Again - everyone is different though. I'm changing my name on my marriage because I didn't change back to my maiden name on my divorce and I do not want to be someone's wife while carrying an ex's surname. My children are grown up and so it makes no odds to them either. We did toy with the idea of double-barrelling our names but it's hassle tbh and at the end of the day it's like the extract from Romeo and Juliet where Juliet says:

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

As long as you can live with it - what ever your name, you are stil who you are and married to the man/woman you love and want to be with.

My H2B parents got divorced and his mum kept her married name (I suppose for ease and to have the same name as her children), his Dad re-married and his new wife also took his name. I don't think any of them are particularly bothered by it all. If I ever have the mis-fortune of getting divorced, I would go back to my maiden name STAT!!!

I'd like to think I'll never get divorced but I very much doubt anyone gets married expecting to get divorced! If I do happen to get divorced though I wouldn't want to keep his name. As much as it would be a hassle to change everything again, I would definitely go back to maiden name.

I didn't change my name back on divorce because I had the same name as my children. I've been known by my married name longer than I was by my birth name and probably won't be changing it again this time.

...Which I am slightly uncomfortable with as it will be odd being married to someone while busing the name of a previous partner, however, my publications are all in my current name, my children have my current name and at the moment it is the sensible choice.

Thought I would share this article about names after divorce/remarriage/kids - relevant and really interesting.

http://www.xojane.com/relationships/im-getting-married-is-it-weird-if-i-keep-my-ex-husbands-last-name

Just remembered a woman I knew who kept her married name after divorce and is now marrying someone with the same surname. It's a very common name - Smith!

When my future mother in law got divorced, she changed her name back to her maiden name, and 2 out of 3 of her kids did the same by deed poll (thankfully for me my OH was one of those kids as the maiden name is a LOT nicer than the old married name). But that was not an amicable divorce. Changing by deed poll is super easy.

But, I also know a friend's mother, who didn't change her name back. She remained Mrs X. She was a teacher, and had been for many, many years. It wasn't a bitter divorce, just sad, and she was well known and respected in teacher world as Mrs X so she kept her name. She felt she'd been known that way for a long time and so didn't want to change her name back and thought it would be confusing for many of the little ones that she teaches.

I think it sort of depends on the circumstances of your divorce, and whether you have established a career or reputation within your new name, and it's easier to just keep your name as it is. My sister keeps her maiden name for work for example, because she works in TV so gets "credits" for her work. To change it to her married name causes all manner of problems. She uses her married name for everything else, just not work.

I went straight back to my maiden name. I haven't changed it legally yet, bank drivers licence etc is all still married name. Its stressful changing it back

If your taking the Shakespeare route then I prefer:

'what is in a name?

it is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face,

nor any other part belonging to a man'

I know the above quote is innuendo in the play but you can intemperate it many ways, you cant 'own' a name, there is no copyright laws on them even if you named your child 'koyuhmundijayette' wanting them to be the only one in the world someone else could still use it and you have no say. As soon as a woman has took a name it is 'her' name and belongs to her as much as anyone else that owns it - there's no right to expect exclusive use back... and the OP will probably be one of 100s of 'mrs. surname' anyway unless its some incredibly rare no longer used surname like 'Hitler'

.

Try looking at this from a different angle..... She's obviously quite bitter that her ex is remarrying, is she with anyone new or is she still single? She's making herself feel better by belittling you. Just remember that you're the one in a loving relationship that has a bright future, no matter what she says or does it isn't going to change that. Just try & remain smug in that fact, you're the winner, she's the loser!!!

You could of course, completely throw her off by him taking your name!

OP - if she's posting this on facebook I can guarantee that most people reading it will be thinking 'what a sad individual' and other less polite things. She's making a fool of herself, let her get on with it. As others have said it is her name now and she can choose to keep it if she wants. You shouldn't let it bother you.

My OH has been married twice before. both his ex wives still use their married name. I won't be taking his name, not because they have it but because I'm a feminist and have always intended to keep my name.