O/T Am I over reacting? Really upset!

This is quite simply ridiculous. Accidents do happen but she may have thought you were trying to hide it from her. You need to talk to your mum about how her attitude is making you feel.

Thank you both for your replies.

JoJo85 She has some hang up about Facebook because I have a tendency to put angry statuses' which she is judging me on something I put back in 2009 and I haven't done since and since then she has said she doesn't want me go on there and she wishes I would come off altogether. I've told her 'no' and she has a go when I put stuff on eg when my car got burnt, I was really upset and put something on and one of her friends text her to say sorry bout my car and she had a go coz I put it 'all over the internet'

Mrs C - I suspect you may be right on some level although I had never looked at it like this. However in the couple of times I have tried to put my foot down, she has threatened stuff which she knows I really want/me and OH need.

E.g. when all the trouble started about my cousin and auntie (auntie said she didn't like me because I'm someone else's child aka adopted and cousin was being as it seemed to me bitchy) so I said I didn't want them there and she tried to explain about how it would make my uncle feel torn which now I obviously realise but she said if my brother doesn't come then I'm not coming and when I said fine it's my wedding she said in that case, I withdraw my contribution.

Now she is giving me away, I suggested one of my favourite songs by Westlife my favourite band to walk down the aisle to (church) and she said I'm not walking down the aisle to that I said but it's what I'd like and she said in that case I'm not giving you away so I don't know. We since talked about that and I can see her point but it's the way she worded it. :-(

Emx

If I can add my thoughts to this without causing offence, it seems that there is so much more to this issue than the wedding. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the wedding is acting as a catalyst for other problems which have been in existence for a long time.

Mums do have the ability to make us feel amazing or make us feel wretched and there is no knowing when they're going to do either! lol But as others have said, if you are about to be married you are about to be a wife and that is a new status for you and something which will require you to be able to stand up for what you believe in. Your mum seems to be struggling with that transition between you being her little girl and a grown woman. Rather than seeing this as an amzing part of your journey - and a tribute to her efforts in raising you - she is threatened and insecure. The only hold she has on you just now and the one which she can use most effectively is to threaten to pull the plug on elements of your wedding or to have control over what you have and when.

This bit is going to be painful for both of you. She won't like it but actually the other respondents are correct - it is time to take a stand. You don't need to be aggressive and it doesn't need to disintegrate into spite or nastiness but be prepared for an uncomfortable period whilst she gets used to the idea that you will stay firm on certain aspects of your life. She needs to learn that you are an adult and that you are due the same respect she would show to others.

There is a fine balance to strike between speaking up at the right time and avoiding causing constant conflict. I can't tell you how to strike that balance - it's taken me years of practice and I'm still not getting it right all the time! But I do know that the transitional phase, though tense and strange, is a pathway to something better so worth doing.

If you are worried for her health and over-reactions to things like a broken (and replaceable) bowl, that may be a signal of an underlying problem for her and again, this will take careful handling.

She is your mum, yes, but you are a woman and one whom will soon have a husband. Your priorities will need to change. Her behaviour needs to change also.

Good luck with it all. Remember though, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. But be strong, hang in there.

Phoenix

She has always been supportive of me and OH and if anything has always been the one to support your statement in theory, she just doesn't always show it.

Thanks again

XX

Delicate question: When you say you mum is not well, what do you mean?

At the moment, she's just got a bout of bad tonsilitis and a cold but she has had sever depression in 2007 then my gran passed away 2008 x

The only person who can decide if her mum being ill and being MOH is too much is her, and only you know her well enough to know whether that conversation will be easy or hard.

To be honest unless you say this is normal behaviour that you've experienced all your life I would be wondering if it's a mental health issue. Depression can have differing effects on people but blowing things out of proportion ( like the bowl and plastic cutlery) can be an indicator. Is there anyone in your family you can speak to about her behaviour?

Like the others, I think you need to stand up for yourself and make it very clear that you will always be there for her, always be a loving daughter etc but you make the decisions about what you put on FB etc - you are not a child anymore. As regards the song to which you will walk down the aisle - it is your choice. If someone is going to be petty enough to say they will not walk you down the aisle because they do not like the song, then there are serious issues. However, as others have said, these issues could be mental health ones. You could ask her if she would attend a doctors appointment with you and see if you can get any help? She may not agree, but it shows that you are caring about her.