O/T FIL2B in hospital - need your advice please

Crikey, sorry to hear this. Personally I don't think I could keep it from my OH and I'd like to think that he wouldn't keep something like that from me. I think you need to explain to your MIL2b that you really aren't comfortable keeping this a secret from him and tbh I don't think it's fair of her to expect you to. I can understand that she doesn't want to worry him unnecessarily, especially with him being so far away and unable to do anything about it, but I'd hate to think what his reaction would be if God forbid your FIL2b took a turn for the worse.

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Who would you rather upset? Your MIL2B or you H2B?

If I were you H2B I would defo want to know this was going on and I think it's completely unfair of her to expect you to keep something like that from him. If she wanted it kept from him I don't think she should have told you either. I'm positive the navy will let him come home - this is a very serious situation and I'm sure that if anything did happen he would be devestat4ed not to be there. On the other hand the worse than can happen is your MIL2B is a bit p*ssed off at you but still has the support of her (at a worse case scenario at least on the other end of the phone).

I hope that your FIL2B is ok and gets better quickly. xx

This is difficult. i think if something was going on with my family, and my h2b was keeping something from me, i'd be really upset, even if it was for my benefit. i think it is a bit difficult with your h2b being on deployment - apols for not knowing a whole lot about the armed forces, but is he on active service? surely even if he was he could be granted a certain amount of compassionate leave? god forbid, what if something more serious was to happen to your FIL?

i think your MIL2b has put you in a difficult position here. i think you need to talk to her and if you feel your h2b should know, you need to tell her.

good luck ?

I said to her on the phone I wasnt happy about keeping this from Adam because if something did happen I would never forgive myself for not telling him. She is going to go up there tomorrow morning and see the doctor so guess I will just wait until after then. Adam cant call me anymore tonight because he has run out of phone credit. Would rather know a bit more information about how his dad really is then just scare him and worry him sick saying ' hes had 2 heart attacks, thats all I know'.

Im really upset that she has put me in this position. Dont get me wrong Im glad she has told me but I just feel that its alot for anyone to ask let alone a 20 year old who is finding things hard enough as it is al the moment ☹️

Emma Louise x

Good luck, hope he gets better soon. Try not to worry too much-they put most people with heart problems on beta blockers, and the heart attacks may only have been mild ones. Best to wait and see what they say tomorow

Just because he has had a couple of heart attacks it doesn't mean that it is really serious it is quite likely that he can be treated successfully. However I would get as much info as you can tomorrow and tell your OH, just tell your MIL2B that you really don't think you should be keeping something this big from him.

Emma-Louise, this is a very difficult position that you have been put in. I hope that all works out, although do consider what if the worse happens(I hope to god not) and your OH father does not make it. Surely your OH would want to get compassionate leave to be with his father and see him whilst alive rather than arrive too late.

I wish the best for him and percentage wise, he should be OK, although give your OH the detail.

Some years ago, I arrived home quite late at night after a job(about midnight)...my wife said that my father had telephoned me from Tenerife(where he was visiting my sister) and wanted to have a chat with me......I told the wife that I would leave it until the next day as it was so late, although she insisted I rang as he was keen to chat. I duly did so and talked for about 20 minutes...... and sadly, he died later that night.(he had suffered a series of Heart attacks) I just always thank the OH that she insisted I phoned him as if I hadn't, I would never have had that last contact....Some things in life you can buy....some things are fate....That last chat was priceless....

I really don't know what I'd do in your position but I feel really sorry for you, it must be really worrying. Could you contact the hospital and see if they could give you any advice on how serious it is? If it is serious I would tell his mum you have no option but to tell him, you'd never forgive yourself if you didn't and the worst happened. I hope he gets well soon x

I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about that. Have just asked h2b and he agrees that you should tell your h2b about this. His words: "It's not your mum. It is your marriage." It's a horrible situation to be in and we really feel for you.

My Dad is terminally ill. He knew he had terminal cancer and kept quiet about it for three months, then when he told me he was ill he didn't tell me it was terminal. I only found out 2 weeks ago that he knew in October last year that it was terminal. I thought he'd only found out in January. It upset me more than I can describe that he kept the details from me. I know he was just trying to protect me, but it's worse to find out you've been kept in the dark.

Please tell your h2b.

Personally for me the answer is simple and sorry if this seems harsh. Tell your mil2b that your not prepared to keep this secret from your h2b and either she tells him or do you. The worst case senerio is much worse than the senerio of her being upset. If she is annoyed that you went against her wishes then that won't last long but I'm sure your h2b's upset will last a lot longer if god forbid anything does happen. Even if the hospital do say that your fil2b is likely to make a full recovery your h2b should still know and make the decision for himself whether to come home.

I have just lost my aunt and would have hated anyone who decided they knew best and didn't tell me.

I hope your fil2b gets better soon and also that you don't need to carry this secret around for much longer.

awww emma-louise...i'm really sorry to hear that you are in such an awful situation...i really dont know what to say....i guess your mil is wanting to keep this from your htb because she is worried it may affect his job...i.e he needs to be focussed...but having said that....i'm not sure its the right thing to do.....but i think if i was you....i would tell him....maybe he could get some compassionate leave? then atleast he wouldnt have to deal with his dads health worries while hes away in the forces...iyswim?

good luck....big hugs

linda x

Sorry to hear about this awful situation Emma, firstly I hope your FIL2B is doing well, and hoping that he makes a speedy recovery.

It's really not fair of your MIL2B to put you in this situation but I'm sure it was with the best of intentions.

I agree with the others that your H2B has a right to know about this, it's just unfair to keep him in the dark on such an important issue - and you don't want him to resent you for keeping it from him.

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Oh poor you, what a horrible situation to be in

I would have to tell my OH, he has a right to know - how awful would you/he feel if he didn't know and FIL doesn't get better

I think your MIL has been very unfair, I know she is trying to protect him, but very unfair on you

I agree with what has been said before, I think your H2B has a right to know what is going on. If I were in your shoes I would be grateful your MIL has told you but to ask you to keep it a secret from your OH is out of order. I would call your MIL and aak her to tell her son what is happening to his dad. After all you never know what can happen.

A few years ago, and I had popped round to see my mum n dad to drop off some christmas prezzies for them and my little sis, I was gonna put it off and do it the day after as I had just done a 12 hour shift and was knackered. But I decided to go anyways and I am so glad I did, as it turns out it was the last time I saw my sis as she passed away the next day.

I urge you to tell your OH.

Hi emma_louise, how's your FIL2B? Hope things are looking up for you and you're not still in a dilemna! x

So sorry to hear about your FIL2B - hope he makes a speedy recovery.

I agree with what has already been said - would you rather upset your MIL or your H"B. If you don't tell him and something happens - god forbid - could either your H"B or you forgive yourself? if you tell your H2B and he comes home to a situation that doesn't arise - would your H2B or you be able to forgive yourself?

i know its never easy upsetting anyone - particularly family - but i feel you have to prioritise your loyalties to your MIL or your H2B x

Just a quick update for you. FIL2B is doing alot better, looks like things are going in the right direction. H2B is also now aware of what is going on. I basically said that if you dont tell him I will. So he now knows, just wants regular updates which is perfectly understandable.

Have spent my whole weekend worrying about the whole situation, just glad he is on the mend and that Adam now knows. Thankyou for all your advice, it really did help.

Emma Louise x

That's great news. Glad things are looking better. You did the right thing x

that sounds good, well donnee for sticking up for yourself