O/T ish. I think there's something wrong with me......

Wow! That's alot of stuff going on...

I am not married personally, but my instinct is you are very young, have many issues ( big or small...small ones add up and develop into big ones, if left unresolved) Your obviously not happy in the realtionship at present .. You love him, but are you really in love with him or is it just comforting and routine?? If you feel as though its bad and prediciable now how will you feel in a few years? Marriage is a huge step and life long commitment... you have to be 100% sure.. Are you 100% sure, doesn't sound like it to me .....Is it really the right time? I undestand not wanting to be divorced (main reason i haven't yet got married) IMHO, if i were you i would look at the realtionship, think about the things you have written down, talk it through with your partner and try and resolve the issues before even thinking about getting married!

This is just my opinion though i am sure some married or B2B's will help

Sorry I'm just about to log off and go to bed but I wanted to say please do not continue with your wedding plans until you know exactly how you feel. Tell your friends you don't want to go to any bridal stores as that will only be adding to your stress.

I think some of your feelings are natural but some are worrying and it does sound like you are just not ready for marriage. Whether that be your age or because deep down you know this man isn't the one for you is only a question you can answer.

The comment "am pretty sure I love him" is what got my alarm bells ringing because no matter how much my h2b and I have went through I have always loved him. When I was 19 I knew I could be faithful and that I loved my boyfriend but at the same time knew marriage wasn't the right thing for us and rightly so because we broke up when I was 21. I wasn't too young for marriage but I wasn't ready for it.

It really does sound like you just aren't ready and sorry if I'm wrong in assuming that but nothing whatsoever in your post is positive which isn't a good thing when considering spending the rest of your life with this man.

I don't see why marriage could create more problems but the problems will be created if you are doing something you don't want to do. Two and half years is not a long time to be with someone especially if you have a long distance relationship so maybe you just need longer together before making the committment. I'm not saying you need to be together for years and years to know if you want to get married as some of my friends were together 6 months and got married and are blissfully happy but in the grand scheme of your potential years together don't rush anything.

I hope you manage to decide how you feel but don't rush it and just put wedding plans on hold until you know 100% for sure you are doing the right thing for both of you.

Lx

First of all, I think it's only natural to have the odd little doubt. Getting married is a huge commitment (understatement!), and that can scare people, it certainly has spooked me a little.

However, if you are having these many doubts and questions now, and they are playing on your mind and affecting you this much, you are right to raise them now. Getting married will not fix anything as you say. It may have just brought to the surface what you already know or it may just be an over analytical reaction.

On a practical level have you set a date yet? If not then there is no harm in waiting a few years, see how you feel in 6 months, a year or even 2 years time. It may be what you need to realise he is the one and you are just lucky to have fond him so early, or you may realise the opposite. 23 is young (I'm only just 25 and feel very young to be getting married), you have plenty of time. If you have set a date, when is it?

Relationships do tend to chnage over time, in 5 years we have different relationship now to what we did 5 years ago, but for me it's just as good but just different. I've certainly matured and my personality developed over that time, but luckily we are still as compatable.

Out of interest how old is he?

I think general pre wedding wobbles are normal, however, by the look of your ticker, you sitll have some time before your big day.

I had a long distance relationship with my H for 5 years. We saw eachother every weekend which was tiring with the travel, and the fact that I didn't spend as much time with my own friends as I would have liked. We moved in together 6 years ago, and got engaged 18 months ago. I am 34. Personally, I really don't think I would have wanted to get married at 23 (I got together with my H at 23) even if we had been together 2 years.

What is the rush with getting maried if you're not even living anywhere near eachother? A lot of people live together before getting married, and some don't. However, I'm glad that I did - I know when to give my H space, I know when he needs a hug, and he knows when to feed me chocolate

How is your relationship different? Is this in a good way? Do you feel utterly comfortable with your H2b? Is he like a comfy pair of pyjamas that you love to hang out with, or is his a smart suit that you don't feel quite so relaxed in, but look good to other people?

How do you anticipate a long distance marriage working, and more to the point, although it's not the be all and end all, if you have a lousy sex life now, do you really think that will improve when you have a ring on your finger? I very much doubt it.

I don't think I can answer your questions, but it does sound to me that if you are having these doubts, and already thinking about divorce, surely it's time to cool it on the weding planning until you & your h2b can have a conversation about what you want from eachother and the relationship.

To be honest it does sound to me like you're either just not ready yet or you don't really want to marry your H2B.

If you're not ready yet it doesn't have to be cos you're young (I'm 22, been with H2B 6 years and know he's the one) but maybe you just need more time together as boyfriend and girlfriend, without the pressures of planning a wedding, especially when you're having a long distance relationship. 2 years isn't really a long term relationship when you consider that marriage is forever! So if you do really love him, then I'd suggest just take time to have a relationship with him, without planning your wedding right now.

On the other hand, when you say 'I think I love him', that does ring alarm bells with me! If you're not totally sure that you even love him then why get married?

Good luck, I really hope you can figure something out! If I were you I'd talk to H2B about your fears!

On reflection I realise my original post may come across as overly negative! When I say I am pretty sure I love him, I very nearly put I love him to bits, but because I've been feeling these doubts I didn't want to say that because it's too easy to say, 'oh well you love him so what's the problem'. Before I started feeling like this I would not have hesitated to say he was definitely the one, that i loved, he was my everything, etc.etc.

There are some extremely positive points to our relationship too, i realise I have only told you the negative side, but this is because I was talking about my doubts. Over the past couple of years I've been through some of the hardest times in my life, but it hasn't seemed so bad really because he's been there for me and we've got through stuff together.

I've never met another person I felt this strongly about. We laugh together, and we cry together (actually that's not really true, he never cries but we help each other through the hard times), we have fun together (more than without each other). We are best friends as well as partners.

To carry on your clothing analogy - I'm sorry I can't remember whose post it was- I have a pair of boots which I absolutely love. I've had them for years and I can't let go of them, they look a little bit worn in now, but I think that adds to their charm. They're the most comfy boots I've ever had, and I wear them a lot. He's those boots. He's comfy, yet looks good too, suits me. And like those boots I almost always want him with me. There aren't many outfits I can't wear him with. (okay, not sure the analogy is really working now.....)

These doubts I'm feeling have largely arisen over my realisation that I'm scared to try on wedding dresses, which is frankly ridiculous. I suspect I'm over analysing to be honest, but I can't deny that some of the stuff that has come up as a result of this needs to be worked through.

And finally to reassure you all; we have not set a concrete date yet, we were talking about next summer but nothing is booked, nothing whatsoever, so it would be no problem to postpone at all, and I do not intend to plan anything more until I know what I'm going to do. I'm not that stupid!

Nobody said you were stupid but what is unnecessary is looking at start wedding dresses if you have ANY doubts and you clearly have a lot and also don't even have a date set. I've typed and deleted a few replies to you now but I think any advice you get is taken too personally so I'm not going to say any more.

You sound a lot more positive in your last post. Which is good. But as others have said, if you are having doubts, then don't book anything up until you're sure.

Can I tell you what happened to me? I was in a long distance relationship which went on for years due to university studies and working away. We saw eachother every weekend, just like you, and things seemed fine. We never argued or had any disagreements.

Then we moved in together. Things changed drastically. We argued all the time and because we had gone from seeing each other at weekends, to living in each other's pockets - it was only then that we realised we were incompatible. We tried very hard to make things work - for years. Too many years believe me!! But the relationship went downhill and we split up.

Now I'm not saying that you two will split - really I'm not. Only you know what the relationship is like, but there really is a world of difference between seeing someone at weekends, and being married to them.

The advice I would give you is to wait until you can spend a bit more time together before even thinking about setting a date, so you can be sure that it's what you both want. And this has nothing to do with age in the slightest.

Hope you can sort things out.

Ali x

Just going to get straight to the point here as I'm about to go to work.

If you and your h2b love each other it doesn't matter how much sex your have, it doesn't matter that you are in a long distance relationship right now but when you get married a compromise is going to have to be met to be fair on both of you so that you live togheter and are central so you can both travel to whatever commitments are keeping you apart at the minute or one of you will have to make some sort of sacrifice.

At 23 IMHO you are still a bit young to get married, stay engaged for a few yrs at least ( I know you haven't set a date yet). If you are having doubts, like everyone human being does about staying faithful, is he the one etc etc then there is no reason to rush into things, take time and save up for the wedding you have always dreamt of and then you will know for sure

As for wedding dress shopping, ask your friends to ease of a bit, since you haven't set a date yet there isn't really much sense in looking as for when the time comes that you have se a date the dress you seen may not be in style and you might be disappointed.

Have a good chat with your h2b, let him know how you are feeling, talk about where you are going to live after you get married etc etc etc, hopefully talking about it to him will help you both realise your true feelings for each other help with your insecurities.

23 is young and you are still learning about yourself, but that's not to say he isn't the one for you. IT sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself so why not put the wedding to the back of your mind for a bit and concentrate on juts having fun together. Getting married is a big commitment and it's normal to get some jitters, but you need to find out if they are just jitters or if you shoulnd't be doing it. Try not to expect to figure it all out straight away and relax a little if you can!

Woa, this reads like my diary as a 23yr old....... it could have been me writing that...freaked me out reading it

im gonna say this and its gonna hurt. Forget about being married, forget planning the marraige, just enjoy your time together and take each day as it comes.....build your relationship, think about YOU, think about him, think about the whole big picture. But no more wedding planning, for your own good. That doesnt translate as call off the engagement, nor does it mean cancel the wedding, just GO EASY and have a good think about things. be sure and be IN love.

I have just over 4 months and i still have to sit back and take stock of what i'm doing and why im doing it and im almost 35! goodluck x

I met my partner 11 years ago and he asked me to marry him 5 times... it wsnt untill i was 27. last year. i realsied i do love him enough to get married. both our parents are divorced twice over adn we made sure for our kids mainly that we would stay together for them, as nothing is so bad that we would split our family up.

I feel if your not 110 % about marrying. then don t do it yet. you are young and theres no need to rush marriage not only is it a big step it clouds your judgement on each other.. untill after your married adn the novelty wears off.. take a step back. and look at this realistially. WHY and you thiking of marrage .. it doesn t make any difernece to the way you two fe about each otehr?? so get engaged adn stay engaged until you feel it is right for you.. you enver know 6 months down the line every thing could be diferent one way or another?? good luck i do hope it all works out for you..