o/t OMG why are some people so nasty!!!

Oh dear.........i don't know what to say but hope everything works it self out

Hi Ema

Such disgraceful behaviour and no need for it tbh. Whatever reason your OH and her split the fact that he is now marrying someone new the ex could just be using their daughter to purely get back at him in a way that will hurt him ie. daughter's hair do for the wedding. You'd be surprised at the number of ex's that still use the children as a weopon against the father - totally wrong.

Is there anyone except your OH that can speak to her without her going crazy like your OH's sister? Is there anyway possible that the ex could take daughter to the hairdressers with the pic of the hair do (perhaps not to your hairdresser unless she would listen to reason and let OH sister's friend do it) to have her hair styled prior to and on the day of the wedding before she comes over to you to get ready? I know this may be impractical and you probably think why should you bother etc but might just settle the matter without causing you too much stress before the wedding and on the day itself. I know it may seem as though you're giving in but really it's about trying to reason /calm the whole situation down to a what could become a nightmare situation which neither of you deserve or to have this worry and torment from the ex! Your wedding is one the most important day of your lives. The ex could potentially just turn around and say no to the BM thing altogether and this is definitely something to avoid, denying this poor little girl of spending what should be a lovely day with you and her daddy.

I hope you get it all sorted without too much hassle

There is no one who could reason with her especially not OH sister (more bad blood over the way she treats the little girl). I feel this is just a step up from the dress altrations - time and day wasnt convenient for her so we changed it 3 times! I have a daughter from a previous relationship and OH and i have a daughter together and she sends nasty text to us about them too saying that they get more then her daughter does, like its some sort of competion. I feel this is going to escalate as it is really starting to pee me off now. I just want the day to go without hitch.

Em xx

Does the ex know you are not going to cut or harm her daughter's hair in any way? I have heard of step-mum's 2B who have had the child's hair cut, coloured ?and even permed? I remember one who also had their step-daughter's ears pierced, so she could mach the other FGs and wear earrings for the wedding.

Can you take her to see the hairdresser during OH's normal access time. Otherwise if the ex is still difficult, the hairdresser may just have to do what she can on the day. It doesn't matter if the BMs have different styles too much does it?

BTW the person who said being a mother was the hardest job in he world was way wrong - being a step-mother is much harder ?

Yeah my OH has told his ex that all that will be done to her hair is to see it we can get her hair up in the style we liked as she has got very thick hair. I totally agree being a step mother is so much harder just wish there was a manual or something!

This is just typical of bitter ex's, have you though abut asking her to come along to the hairdresser's so that she can see exactly what way her daughters hair is going to be?

How old is H2B's daughter? If you can't get her to the hairdresser during normal access time, is there anyway you can have a go at her hair yourself? It doesn't matter if it doesn't look as neat as the hairdresser would get it, but would give you an idea of how easy/difficult it would be too handle. I have very thick hair too and have been a BM several times and never had a trial, the hairdresser has always managed the style wanted on the day.

? for a fellow step-mum.

Thanks jj ?

She is 8, i could give it a go.

Debs the chances of getting her in the same room as me or my daughters is 0. She hates me even though she hasnt taken the time to even get to know me. When my partner went away for a weekend i offered to still pick her daughter up and she refused. She also said she wanted to come and inspect my house to see if it was an acceptable place for her daughter to come to!!!! The bloody cheek!!!!

Sounds very familiar to me!

My OH has a 12 yr old daughter and her mother is a complete nightmare too. I toaly sympathise with you. Just before Christmas she completely kicked off for no reason - said S didn't want to be bridesmaid anymore and she had only agreed to do it to keep her dad happy and she didn't like his choice of partner! COnsidering that when she stays, she often wants to come shopping with me, and asks me to do her hair etc, I find this so hard to believe. I have never done anything to the ex, and things were once civil till this. It all comes down to jealousy at the end of the day, proven when she told my OH that I was dominating and he was under the thumb and he would eventually end up lonely and everyone felt this way, just she was the only one big enough to tell him!!

Still got 7 months to go, so god knows what else she might drag up before the wedding! She also said that S had said that if we have more kids then she wants nothing more to do with her dad!

We know thats not going to happen, but it's just the ex's way of trying to have control over him. I have come to the conclusion that these women seem to be bitter that they have no part in that man's life anymore, that they have to try and control him through the child. Unfortunatley they ail to see that at the end of the day, it's the child who ends up suffering!

Ok, your H2B's ex does sound like she is over reacting, but on the other hand, does it reeeeally matter? as long as you can get her to the hairdressers on the day, then don't get stressed out about it - it's really not a huge issue in the scheme of things.

If thats the case I think your h2b needs to set her straight about a few things, you haven't done anyhting against this woman and I absolutely HATE people who use children against the other parent ?, it's just pure jealousy that you are getting our h2b down the aisle and she didn't, she needs to grow up!...give me her number and I will sort her out lol

P.S. sorry think PMS is raising its head here ?

Unfortunately I cant offer you any advice but I really hope it gets sorted out x