O/T Religion coming between me and OH :( UPDATE

Like I said, I have these kind of things thrown at me all the time and that is how the people that quote them to me take it. I've never read the bible. But anyway, wouldn't the difference in religion make them unevenly yoked?

The bible states that Husband is the Head of the household and Wives should submit to their Husbands. It states very cleary the way in which the Husband should take charge of the home and how he should treat his Wife. If a Husband does not abide by these rules, again the Bible states that the wife is should leave her Husband. The problem here is that people see submission as a negative thing. The bible is a guide for those following Christ, who beleive in his teachings, you can not expect someone who does not belive in God to abide by or understand the guidelines.

My Husband to be and myself are both fully committed to having a Christian marriage. He will be the Head of my Household. I will repsect him and like the bible instructs him to do, he will repsect me. If my Husband is the man that God expects him to be then we will have no problems!

It's sounds like there is a lack of mutual respect here and until that is resolved, you will not get to root of the problem.

x

Emj, i'm sorry you are going though this but I agree with the others who have also said that it sounds like there are other problems. I hope things get sorted for you soon and for the better. x

I was just trying point out that if he doesn't think she takes it seriously (i.e. all aspects of Christianity), then maybe he won't take her beliefs seriously. I felt that was a relevant point.

I think their abstinence speaks volumes though! I think he does have a lot of respect for her beliefs.

Thank you and thank you for everyones advice. I do want to sort this and I hope I/we do xx

Since you are a Christian, you will know far more what you are talking about than I do as an Atheist. Some Christians do take that passage far more literally.

The bible was written thousands of years ago, and should therefore be read with that in mind!

I disagree - if you are Christian, you abide by the Bible and it cannot be modernised to fit in with today's society.

^^ err yeah it can! None of the other Catholics I know abide by the bible word for word. And different Christians believe different things anyway. This is all getting way too O/T...

I am a Christian. Fact. It is unwise to take any religious text literally 100% of the time.

Well yeah that is my point exactly which is why I don't believe in any of it, different denominations change it to suit themselves, which makes absolutely no sense at all to me.

Agreed though, way off topic and I will button it now. Ultimately, I hope the OP sorts out her difference with her H2B and wish her and everyone else on here every happiness.

I would guess that's probably one of the few things we can all agree on

Yeah, i don't want anyone to think I am some kind of Atheist mentalist, so sorry if I have come across that way and also HUGE apologies if I have offended anyone.

I suppose I am one of those people then because I dont abide to it 100% when I said we dont have sex out of marriage I mean we dont have non marital sex all the time not that Im a virgin and he too has had sexual relationships too. There are just certain aspects eg abortion, marriage in church etc that I strongly believe in. I wouldnt make my children abide by the rules. My mum has shouted one of the 10 commandmants to me in an arguement before now but I wouldnt do that so I guess you could say Ive been brought up strictly in some parts but not in others.

Thank you everyone for your advice,wishes and support.

x

Why are you arguing with you H2B then? i thought that was what it was about? If you are not going to bring them up to abide by those rules, then maybe there is no argument really?

WSS - I thought the whole point of this was that you wanted your "future" children christened and raised as a Christian.....you have contradicted yourself somewhat here. Think i shall leave this thread as its gone way off.

Fair point - I know what I mean, just not coming out right

Em, I have read this whole thread with interest, and I felt sorry for you to start with. However, it seems each time you post you contradict your last one. You told us you don't have sex and you do, you told us you wanted your children to be Christened and follow the faith, yet now you say you would not enforce the rules.

I think until YOU are clear on what you want, your H2B does not stand a chance.

This is not meant to sound harsh, but sometimes we have to look within for the answers rather than expecting our partners to answer them for us.

I hope you find happiness x

I just mean I wouldnt make our child pray everynight or go to church every week even I dont have chance to do that

Maybe if your partner knew you didn't expect them to pray or go to church, he might feel better.

Just out of interest, what would you do to ensure they are brought up as Christians?

I am probably going to get a lot of stick for this comment but for me it's pretty simple! You're talking about letting something that may not even be real get in the way of something that is!! 'God' isn't going to keep you company at night, eat romantic dinners with you, have children with you or do anything else that's real with you. You've never seen him so there is no way to know that he exsists. You just believe he does. But is your belief that important that you'd let it ruin what you have? You shouldn't force religion on anyone!! By christening a baby that's exactly what you are doing. Why don't you just do your religious thing but keep the children out of it until they are old enough to make up their own decisions about whether they believe or not.

But the grandmother needs to keep her nose out of your business!!

I would teach them that for example at Christmas, its because of baby Jesus and tell them the christmas story. Also if they asked me if god existed or if heaven exists etc I wouldnt lie to them.

I would tell them how I was brought up and that some people believe this should happen but if you do not want to then that is ok - of course I would be upset but it is the symbol of being christened which is important and being brought into the christian family and having godparents etc.

I am a Christian but my OH isn't religious at all, but it doesn't create an issue for us. We compromise and respect each other beliefs.

It honestly sounds like you're not clear on what you want, Em, I have to say.

If you've "tried" to postpone the wedding, and your fiance is bullying you into it by saying "Oh, how do I tell my family you don't want to marry me", then you need to take some time apart and think about this.

Marriage is for life. If you're honestly not sure you've found your soul-mate, and the person you are 100% happy with and trust to spend the next 50+ years with, I think you need to think again and possibly break off the engagement.

Hard words possibly to hear, but ultimately, they may secure your future happiness.

I give up!

Good luck with it all hun x

Lol! You tried. I am your new biggest fan AngieMace x

WSS!

Thank you for everyones advice. x

IF you are going to get married in the church then i would suggest talking to your priest and beginning your marriage preparation classes. They have classes on conflict resolution. I also suggest you get a time and go to a neutral place - maybe a bench in the park - agree not to disrespect each other or use bad language and just talk calmly and listen and take it in turns. My h2b and I we rarely argue, but if we do this is what we do to get out of the sulking and i am not your friend right now!

I hope you find the answer to your question, whether through prayer or talking to each other but marriage is a lifelong commitment - not just a contract you can break when the going gets tough!

I know!

Who is this God character anyway? I thought we all worshipped Cricket Bride? ?

? You rang?! ?

Gosh, what a lots of posts to read through!

Em, I think a lot of the so called 'contradictions' some people have mentioned are probably due to the way you've worded some posts, rather than you actually contradicting yourself or your beliefs.

I think you're in a really tough situation at the moment and, I'm sorry to say it, it sounds nigh on impossible to resolve satisfactorily - for either of you. I appreciate that your religion is part of who you are, as it is part of my life. It clearly isn't important to your OH and he is entitled to his beliefs (I do believe that 'not-believing' is a valid belief, although it isn't the belief I hold).

I do think that 'mixed marriages' (take Ily and her atheist future husband) can work but only where is there an acceptance of each others' beliefs and, further, a respect of your partner's choice to hold those beliefs.

From what you've said in your posts about both you and your OH, it seems to me that neither of you hold the acceptance or respect of the other person's choices. To me, that is the fundamental issue here. Granted, it sits alongside another fundamental issue of your OH's reported behaviour in terms of his refusal to discuss things.

I admire your dedication to him. I apologise if you feel I'm stepping way out of line but if one of my siblings or my friends came to me with this issue, I would urge them to rethink their relationship, let alone their plans for marriage.

I hope that you are able to work things out and that you can be happy. You'll be in my thoughts.

Also, PompeyEm, I think you're a wise woman.

Do I get a pat on the back for making it to the end?

OP I think there are far more concerns for me reading your posts than your diffirence on religion. From what I have read your H2B seems very controlling and dare I say bullying towards you and I get the impression tht you may not be the most confident of ladies? No matter what religion you follow and who is the head of a household I am pretty sure that no sacred text calls for one party of the marraige to be downtrodden?

Religion will always be a hot topic but for me the real concern is your relationship, it does not sound healthy and at 26 and a grown woman you need to make some choices. Your not a little girl being shouted at by your mum anymore?

I hope whatever you decide you are happy in the end.