O/T University or Wedding?

MM - what do YOU want in your heart of hearts? ?

I faced this predicament too and I chose to defer UNI till Oct 2010, my reasoning behind this was that UNI can wait until I am truly ready to go back again. (had crap experience the last time)

I want to be married to Rhys and I'd like to have a nice home for us....although I could marry him in a quick registry office ceremony with no reception etc - that is not what Rhys wanted, we both wanted a special day for our family and friends, we have given ourselves 18 months to save up for our home and wedding, even though my parents werent too delighted at me deffering they know it is what Rhys and I both want.

You need to think long and hard about your prioities and what you would liek for the near future, it's a big decision,

I hope you find the answers x x x x x x

Oh it's a difficult one!

Is there an option 3 - do the uni degree part time? That might be an ideal option - fees are normally less than full time plus you can earn money for the wedding as well.

If that's not an option then really it's only a decision you can make really. Your post reads a bit like you've already decided what you want to do, but I might be wrong. I think you won't regret it if you do put it off because you're only deferring it, not deciding not to do it entirely.

And it's not a petty question - the decision is going to change your life for the next year. I think if I were you I would go with option 3 or if not, then option 1. A year is nothing, and depending on how quickly you get married it will give you time to save up for uni afterwards.

Hope this helps?

Uni isn't the be all and end all of life (I should know, I'm just starting my 11th year!)

My opinion would be to follow your heart. Uni will still be there in a year's time and if you can get married now, set up your home and start uni fresh, married and ready to go. You'll probably be more able to focus on your studies as well if you don't have a wedding to organise. And uni work can be a horrible distraction to wedding plans!

And there speaks the greatest hypocrite who ever walked the face of the earth, getting married just before her final year starts ?!

Lol, agreed Penelope!

I am on here planning my wedding instead of writing my postgrad thesis! Whoops ?

.... is there a chance that once you're married, having deferred, you may never start your degree.....?

Ditto ?

We deciede to postpone the wedding for a year so we could move in together first. It wasn't a money choice as such moer we realised we couldn' do both so close together and we didn't want to be married and living at my mams. What you going to be doing at Uni? WOuld it not be better wait till at least Sept anyway, when the majrity will be starting?

For me it would be an easy decision and I'd go to uni. Yes uni can wait but from experience the long you leave it the harder it will be to go. I feel that marriage isn't everything and a lot of money spent if it can be spent on others things and if you want a job that specifys a degree or qualification from uni that will benefit you in the long run. I deferred my uni course and in the end never went! I got too used to having a full time job and couldn't manage to reduce my income after being used to it.

Do you have money saved for the wedding? Could that be put towards a house and go to uni at the same time and save up again for a wedding?

Another spin on things is that right now is not a good time to be buying a house (unless you are wanting to rent) so you may be better staying with your parents regardless of whether you decide uni or a wedding.

Thats a tough choice to make and its lovely that your h2b not trying to pressure you either way

Have you spoke to your parents for advice?You need to do what feels best for you

Good luck deciding im sure you will make the right choice xxx

What degree are you wanting to do? Is it nursing? Lots of degrees allow you loads of time to work part time and you can sometimes end up better off (until you have to pay bacjk any loans) money wise for a while. I would do what you really want to do. I get married just at the end of my final (4TH) year so have only been able to save whilst at uni, we also only bought our house just as I started uni. Speak to your family then see how you feel.

What degree are you wanting to do? Is it nursing? Lots of degrees allow you loads of time to work part time and you can sometimes end up better off (until you have to pay back any loans) money wise for a while. I would do what you really want to do. I get married just at the end of my final (4TH) year so have only been able to save whilst at uni, we also only bought our house just as I started uni. Speak to your family then see how you feel.

For me there would be no competition, University would come first.

I'd still have the person I love, you're not under 'pressure' to get married. If you have the opportunity to do a degree then go for it...

I'm more head than heart when it comes to things like this.

I'd also rather wait to have the wedding that I really want, rather than one that 'will do' with the budget.

I'm not a great advert for uni. I hated it and thought it was a complete waste of time, money and effort!! I'm over qualified for most jobs I'm interested in and could be earning the same money without ever having been and have MUCH less debt - hence I'm now desperatly trying to radically change direction.

So, if it were me I would be deferring Uni permanently, wedding or not... therefore maybe you should discount anything I say on the matter!!

I would have to say uni from my own experience (sorry rambling but hopefully you will understand):

Background - I was 16 when I met my H. 8 months later I got pregnant during my A levels. I finished my first year of A levels and had the baby (and he proposed!). Then I took about 5 months off and went back to my A levels. I completed my A levels (got 3 As) and went to uni and got a first class degree. Then I completed my PGCE and started teaching.

We were engaged for over 9 years before we started planning the wedding because it was a choice of a quick wedding for £500 or the wedding we really wanted.

The other thing to consider is money at university - I went to university and got a grant that I wouldn't have got if I had been married (this will have changed now as I graduated in 2004).

Also now I earn a very good salary (from going to uni - you can't be a teacher without a degree) which meant we could save up and pay for the wedding ourselves.

Finally the experience of university was great - although I had a child and a boyfriend I used to go out a couple of times a week and had a great time. I'm not sure if this would have been the case if I was married.

I would be another vote for university, based on personal experiences. OH proposed to me after my first year and I was desperate to get married asap, as soppy as it sounds, purely because I wanted to graduate with his surname. However I'm so glad we didn't rush things just because of that. We got married a year after my final year and had the exact wedding we wanted.

Like someone mentionned, you would also be treated differently financially if you were married. I received the full loan and grant, however if we had have got married I'd have received only 75% of the loan and it wouldn't have been enough to survive on.

Its a tough decision for you to make.

Thank you everyone for all your responses!!!!!!

I have got my place for Midwifery and have been waiting to start since June 2007. I know for a fact that if i did defere then my friends and H2B will not let me not go (if that makes sense!!)

Me and H2b had a long chat last night, after i posted this thread. I haven't made a decision yet, and i am waiting till i get a letter stating what bursary i am entitled too!

It's nice too know that i'm not the "only one"

Again thank you to everyone, it has certainly given me loads to think about!

I had the same problem, we were looking into getting married before i started my uni placement but i had worked so hard to get into university so i went. its now 18 months later, we have booked our wedding for after i qualify so i will be in a good payed job and will be able to start a family, i am glad that i choose university now as i dont think i would have gone after i got married.

this is your choice to make and good luck with it x x

i do feel for you.