Other people's hens WWYD

Be honest with your sister & discuss your predicament with her. If she is planning a wedding as well she'll understand how much everything costs. She may have a solution that would reduce how much attending her hen would cost you or she may turn round & say that if you would rather back out then she would understand. Unless you discuss it with her (& possibly your parents as well) then you won't be able to come up with a solution that doesn't financially cripple you or upset your sister. I wish everything didn't always come down to bloody money!

Its actually her MOH who is planning the hen, my sis doesn't know anything about it except for its a weekend away. I don't know her MOH at all which is why I felt a bit funny about talking to her about it. She's already chosen where we are going so the price of travel and holiday home are set. I can't think of a way to ask how much the rest will cost that doesn't make me cringe (hate discussing money. Especially my lack of it).

I think Panda is right, you really need to talk to your sister. I can totally understand your situation I doubt I would have been able to afford to go away for a weekend long hen in the months leading up to our wedding, every penny was accounted for and spent!

Is there anyway you can find out exactly what the activities etc will be? Maybe you can go with them but not do all the acitivities if you know what I mean? Still be there and joining in but not doing the actual activity.

I think you are gonna have to bite the bullet and have that conversation with the moh, not easy when it comes to money but at least if you know exactly whats going on you can then work something out. People should understand you have got your wedding.

Agreed - talk to your sister. If it turns out you can't go then offer to host an informal dinner party/get together with some of her friends the week before her wedding. Much cheaper and might come at a time when she needs some chilling out with her friends.

Thanks. Already feeling a bit sick about having to discuss it with her, but will have to try.

Good idea about the dinner party, vicster, I was thinking the same thing, but decided it would be too difficult since we live in different parts of the country.

At the end of the day, if you don't have the money, there's not a lot you can do. Don't get yourself into debt for a party, i'm sure your sis would much prefer you to be at the wedding that run out of cash in the build up!

I think all you can do is explain the situation - hen nights are so expensive these days, its why i've decided I just want mine to be a meal out rather than a weekend away somewhere. I feel guilty enough as it is, asking a few people to come to Vegas!

I have a similar situation. My friend is having a short engagement and having got engaged in last 4 weeks is having her hen night 2 weeks after I get back from honeymoon. It's a night away and will cost £100 plus travel and drinks. Having it sprung on us a bit got me in a tizz straight away worrying about money.

I emailed the sister of friend to find out exactly what I was paying for in that £100 explaining that things are tight etc but she was fine about it.

Thankfully we're paying for things in instalments and it's prob not as much as what you have to pay but I do think you need to speak to someone about your predicament and the best person is probably MoH.

When I was organising my SILs hen do, a few people pulled out and I ended up footing their bill. I didn't mind as ultimately it was for my SIL, but it cost me about £125 more than the other hens

I think you should have a word with the MOH and see what the situation is. maybe you don't have to do all the planned activities?

Wow I would have minded paying the extra. I can understand if its been sprung on people but if not I guess you have to honour your commitments otherwise like yourself Nursebride someone has to pay for you which isnt fair.

Better to speak up sooner and try to sort something out than leaving it.

Edited for bad spelling

Tough situation but I would speak to your sister. I'm sure she'd be mortified to think that people were being outpriced. I personally took on the cost of a chunk of my hen do by insisting I pay the deposit for the cottage that we booked. Your sister may be willing to pay her share (which would decrease yours)?

NurseBride that's so rude of the other guests to leave you to pay for all that! Was only invited to this hen weekend 2 weeks ago, but even if I can't go I wouldn't dream of not paying my share of the holiday cottage!

Its so hard. But be honest with her because at least she is planning a wedding like you & should understand that at this moment in time your priorities are different. Maybe you could attend part of it as opposed to all of it & that way you are still there but within your budget? Hen do's etc are the sort of occassions that attendance seems to account for a lot.

The wk b4 our wedding we got a text about the bestman 30th - an all dayer the wkend after we came home from our honeymoon. I explained I had an airport run to do during the day but we could do sthing at night. Realistically I knew we wouldnt have had £ to do an all dayer so soon after honeymoon & did have an airport run to do. His gf sent back no probs, maybe you's could get a later train, i'll keep in touch. Last wed she texted to say about train times.

Were skint, honeymoon spending went over by £600, were tryin to sort our house etc, had a surprise invite for a wedding next wk, my parents 35th anniversary....we just couldnt justify it. So I sent back saying again about airport run & that we were skint after honeymoon but have a gr8 day. No response.

OH then rang bm on mon & he didnt answer but started a whole text thing about how OH should have been there, whether I could have gone or not & how he wants a word with OH about it including our wedding (his speech wasnt in the best taste, i told him & so did my dad). He didnt say anything back to us at the time & he wasnt about most if the evening do & didnt stay to see us the morning after our wedding. He didnt text OH to say have a gd honeymoon, nothing.

Im furious. If i say something i mean it - we are skint this month but hopefully next month we'll be up & running again. I understand your only 30 once but we only get married the once & have the one honeymoon! Just bad timing. Its my own bday this wkend & were not doing anything for it, prob just a chinese & few drinks in the house.

Im fed up feeling like we have to justify ourselves to our so called friends - this was a hard couple of years for us, buying our house, saving for wedding & honeymoon & we dont like turning things down (of course we would like to be out more but for the past few years our priorities have been different - and im fed up with people thinking were odd, that we make no effort etc - especially when all these people appeared to have a great day out @ our wedding - not one has texted to ask how our honeymoon was.)

Phew! Sorry for the rant!