O/T...Really need your help. Its been a long time...... Please read....

Hi MrsW2B. So sorry to hear that you and H have split. Thats such a shame, I don't remember you, as I'm a newbie but didn't want to R&R.

I'm sure your friend will understand, It may take her a while to understand fully why you couldn't do it, however she will forgive and forget. If not then she wasn't really a true friend.

My Sister suffered from depression and it was so hard on everyone, if you have people to support you it can be easier, but you really shouldn't try and go it alone!! I'm not really sure what else to say except I hope everything works out for you. Lxx?

Thank You for replying. I guess I just dont know what to do to make it okay, feel ive let her down so badly. As she didn't know anything about it until now (because ive tried to keep it hidden for her sake) she probably is really hurt by it, hence no reply. I hate feeling the way I am doing and wish I could pull myself out of it, if only it were that simple. Its almost like ive been throwing myself into work and trying my hardest and then bang, it hits me. I'll do anything I can to cover any lost costs to her and explain, but Im jus not strong enough at the moment

She will be hurt yeah, but not only because your not attending the wedding, also because you didn't tell her what you were going through.I fully understand why you didn't tell her and she will too, but she will also be feeling really bad that she hasn't noticed whats been going on with you. It will take time but she will forgive you. You really do need to let people help. Even if it is just being a shoulder to cry on. You should never run from your problems, (or bury yourself in something else) as it will all build up and hit you at once, which can make you feel worse than dealing with it as and when needed.

Keep your chin up, and try not to push yourself too hard. If you need a chat and a cry, then do it. Don't hold it in waiting for a more suitable time, as it can make things worse.

Lxx

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Sometimes people don't understand about depression and say things like 'pull yourself together', it's like saying 'walk on your broken leg' it just doesn't happen.

You have to do whatever's right for you - that means not going to work or the wedding. Go back to your doctor, firstly should sign you off for longer, secondly should review your tablets/try something different.

Why don't you write your friend a letter and get it to her for when she returns from honeymoon? Probably help to write stuff down anyway and then you nkow it's your own words and you've done all you can.

Take care.

Hey, I'm fairly new too, and I'm not medically trained, so I'm probably not the best person to comment on your depression. However, I do know a bit about friends, and I know that if they're a genuine friend they'll understand your situation, and be waiting for you when you come out of the other side.

Take care of yourself, talk to work, explain what's going on - depression is an illness like anything else - and do seek help from your gp/counsellor.

Thank you, again. I remember when certain people didnt attend my wedding and I was upset, but mainly because they didn't tell me why and had accepted. Its been a while since mine, but I still know how costly it is, and we only 34 people at this one, me dropping out will be upsetting, because its at an expensive venue which is meant to be amazing. I would absolutely love to be there for her, if I weren't like I am, I just cant face it and to be honest am scared itll make me even worse. Im already sleeping all over the place and crying at the drop of a hat. I know maybe I should have told her, but I didn't want to ruin the lead up for her, as I know how special that is, and didnt want her to feel bad being happy and talking about it. Ive probably gone and made it worse now though. I wish Id told her sooner, but I thought I could get myself geared up to going. Sadly not.

I don't really know what to say about the wedding situation, but regarding the anti d's............

I ended up on them a few yrs ago after splitting with my ex, that wasn't straight away either - like you I threw myself into work and ended up having some kind of meltdown 5 or 6 months later. They took about a week to start working and I suffered just about every side effect going, despite my doctor saying these were very rare. I ended up having a week off work which I had to use holiday to pay for, due to the disruption to my sleep pattern - I would sometimes be awake with my head buzzing till 4 in the morning and then try to get up for work at 7! They also caused panic attacks. My job is about 80% telephone based and all of a sudden I was unable to speak on the phone. I also couldn't go shopping as I would have panic attacks in the muddle of Tesco! I also felt sick and spaced out. Luckily these only lasted about 10-12 days and then things settled down and they started to work - I stopped crying as much and started to feel a lot happier with my life.

Things will get better for you. Don't be afraid to speak to your boss or HR department. You will be surprised how understanding people will be. It may also help to talk to someone about it - a friend or colleague. I confided in a colleague and was surprised to find out that several of my colleagues had been through the same thing. Being on anti d's is more common than you think.

When you do feel ready to come off them I would strongly advise doing it slowly by cutting down the dosage - don't just stop taking them - a mistake I made and ended up with another load of unwanted side effects!

Take care of yourself ?

Thank you, I think that may be a good idea to write it down. I seem to make more sense when I do that.

My GP is lovely and recommended I try new tablets, but they literally made me sleep until 3pm and felt like a zombie, no good. The other suggestion was to try a newer type, but that would mean stopping my current ones for 7 days (something I cant do at the moment). I have to be back to work Tuesday and will really be leaving them in a mess If I dont.

Thanks, it sounds alot like how I have been. I was on them a few years ago (whilst I was off work ill) and gradually weaned the dose down until I was doing okay, and had been for about 6 months, then the split happened and I threw myself into work. When I got back from the hen weekend I realised I needed help, and went back and the doctor upped the dose again. Ive just felt no better though and that was 3 weeks ago, felt sick and tired for about a week and then just the as miserable. When i saw him Tuesday he gave me a new type to try alongside, but made me sleep the whole day, gave me a horrible dry mouth and felt really weird, so instead am now contiuing with orginal type, but on an extra dose. Last time I suffered with depression after upping the dose it took a few weeks, but then I stopped crying etc and felt ok. Not this time though.

Its hard with my job as when I went off long term a few years ago I was at the point of getting promotion, and the had health problems. Since returning its taken a year to get back to normal and several months of hard work to get the manager post, and always in the back of my mind I know I have to try that bit harder because the top manager I think doubts that im reliable because of my long term period off. My immediate boss is great and supportive and has said how well im doing and performance is going great, which I was so happy about, but now ive gone off, I worry he will think It was a mistake promoting me, and that maybe Im not strong enough for the role. Its heartbreaking because it means so much to me and work has been going so well and love the job, despite how pressured it is. I could of just used some support right now but my deputy doesnt want to dep anymore. There isnt anyone else at the moment who can and I dont want other people taking over, I want to be back doing it myself, but right now I just dont know what to do. Ive let me close friend down and im running all my hard work into the ground. Whatever people say, depression always has a stigma, it shouldnt but it does with the 'pull yourself together' type people and thats what I fear from upper management. I have to get back to work as its my only income and I dont want to ruin my career, I just wish I could get myself okay. Im just hoping the tablets will work.

I understand what your saying about what your work might think, however your health comes first, at the end of the day you need to get better before you go back to work full time. I would maybe suggest a meeting with your immediate boss and ask about a staggered return to work - i.e working half days for a while until you feel better,

There will always be a stigma as you said, and most people will say pull yourself together, but it does take time. Please try not to worry too much what other people will think of you, just concentrate on getting yourself better, then mend any relationships which need mending. xx

Hiiiiiiiii and hugsssssssssssssss..

they WILL work, ive been on them too and they did help me, though I wasnt anywhere near the same situation as yourself. Your health is sooo important and you must remember that, It DOES come before your friends wedding I'm afraid and I think you were right in pulling out tbh...........dont worry about the details of the cost and peoples attitudes or feelings. All that matters is YOU.

Congrats on getting that promotion, thats wonderful news, i know it will all be very difficult at work but you still have some support right??

keep in touch and let us know your progress. As you can see, i'm still here, propping up the furniture xxx

Thanks. The trouble is I haven't any A/L left until May (due to using it for sick time which my boss let me do so I would still get paid) and I cant afford to be on 1/2 pay. I have rent/bills and would not manage without it. Also have noone to run the section in my absence. My deputy doesnt want to anymore and she is pregnant and has alot on her plate too. I dont want to hand the section over to another manager as its likely then it wouldnt be my job to go back to, and thats the last thing I need because im settled on the section and have built up good relations and we have been doing well. I dont want to end up getting moved elsewhere which they can do as im a manager and I dont want to ruin it all. I have to go back Tuesday but its going to be tough without any real support.

The girls have already give you some great advice. Just wanted to say hope you are doing better. Your friend thats getting married will totally understand once you tell her and she'll also understand why you didn't tell her before her wedding. Your other friends I'm sure will also be v understanding and supportive. Sounds like you really just need to concentrate on YOU for a bit. Hope the anti-d's starting working soon and if not make sure you get back to your doctors and get them changed for something else.

Remember your health is more important than anything else in life including work.

Thank you all girls, your advice has really helped. I feel so bad about it, they will be getting married as Im writing this and I feel awful im not there. If it were not so far I maybe could have managed to go for the ceremony or something, but its 6 hours travel and was 3 days away from home. Its too daunting for me at the moment. I wish Id told her before then she could have chosen someone else, but Id built it up in my head so much and wanted to get myself up to going. Id packed my things and written her card, but lay awake worrying and getting upset, and in the end I just couldnt do it.

Thank you all for your support, really appreciate it. I still haven't heard from my two friends, didn't hear last night either, but they will be busy today at the wedding. I think they feel ive let my friend down and I understand that, but ive tried to explain why. My one friend has known about it all and she in the past has suffered with depression, but I still think she thinks I should have made myself go, like she said in her text to me yesterday morning. I tried to explain that I couldnt and didn't get any reply. My other friend again is close to me, but hasnt ever suffered with it, and I think she thinks im just a bit down over my marriage break up..you know plenty more fish and all that. Its alot more than that though, or I wouldnt be taking time off work and letting people who mean alot to me down. Id never do that if I had choice in the way I was feeling. Last night I was pretty low, and am not feeling much better today, the bug I had last week seems to have come back, so am feeling off colour to boot. Just not what I need right now. My younger sister texted earlier as she is really sick with her pregnancy and he little one is ill etc, and I feel bad I cant help. Im sure being in the flat on my own all the time isnt helping, but I dont want to go anywhere. My sister is all I have near to me and my friends are all away at the wedding. Last night I just sat up until 5am and felt so down. Im worried about my friends, and about work, meant to be back Tuesday, only for a few days and then its xmas, but then am at work between xmas and new year. Im covering so the others can take the time, so ill be leaving the team in a real mess if I cant make it in. I just dont know how im going to, im not sleeping and Im like this most of the time. I know my doctor would sign me off way I am, but that would mean no pay and would leave the staff in the lurch and my boss. Its like im ruining everything around me.

I think you need to speak to someone.......a counsellor would really help you and guide you, make you feel so much better about yourself and stuff going on....... we can all give you advice but you need someone you can turn to and trust......

would you perhaps look into it???? Theres been times when ive felt soooo down ive contemplated foning the samaratins. Mostly coz i knew they would be on the other end of the fone..........and trained to listen to me.....

hugz x

Hi, I would agree with what Teehee said about speaking to a counsellor a friend of mine had a severe bout of depression earlier this year and was too ill to even drive into work. |The tablets helped but the counsellor really helped.

I would send your friend a letter when she is back off honeymoon to explain as you have to us. No one but the most hard hearted person couldn't hear bad you feel about this if they read what you have written here. If you put yourself in their shoes and imagine if someone had given you this explanation I'm sure you would have accepted it .

take care of yourself and stick around.

Oh L, I'm so sorry you are going through this and i'm sorry to hear about your marriage.

You've been given loads of good advice but I just wanted to send you a hug ? (remember me!?).

If you explain to your friend everything that you have told us about how you feel etc then she'll understand - it may take a little bit of time but she will understand. Of course she'll be upset that you weren't there today but that's only because she cares about you and you were special enough to her to be invited. A letter sounds like a good idea as if you are anything like me you won't manage to tell her everything you want to say etc and everything will come out in a ramble. At least then she can read everything and then you can talk and explain anything after.

Lisa x

MrsW, you need to stop worrying about what people will think of you, the more you try and analyse their thoughts the worse you will feel.

Your friend knows deep down that asking you to go to her wedding was asking a lot especially since you have gone through a recent break up, yes she will be hurt but she will understand, when you are feeling up to it you can have a good chat with her and explain everything, send her a lovely letter/card in the meantime.

As for work....obviously they understand your health issues and what you have been through this year, you health has obviously been affected by the whole thing, the break up, promotion, financial worries, IMHO it seems to me that you threw yourself into your work to help you through your split, the one thing that we all do and it never helps.

You need to start looking after you first, granted yes you have just got yourself the job you have been working for but if you don't sort yourself out there won't be a job to go to ☹️...are you comforable speaking to your boss?, you need some time out, time for yourself, to get your head clear and to get better, don't worry that there are other people off, you need this break!

Anti-d's will take about 3-6 months before they take effect so the more you do now to help yourself the sooner you will be ok.

Hope you feel better soon x

I'd try to get a referral to a counsellor. i saw one for 18 months alongside the anti depressants when i was at uni.it was one of the best things i have ever done. i learnt some techniques in how to control my anxiety attacks to a large degree and im much better. i've had a relapse tho unfortunately after having been off the anti d's for a year due to the environment i was working in. im back on them now and am feeling much better - they do take at least 2 weeks to get into your system and you may feel worse before you get better. but perceveire and you will get better

Hi Lisa, yes remember you & thank you for your post. Wish I had something nicer to say on here, but sadly not. Its really hard to deal with at the moment. How r you?

Thanks everyone, some really good advice. Ive emailed a counsellor I saw a couple of times when me and H were starting to have problems. Ive asked if she can come and do a visit. I think you are all right, I do need to talk about all this stuff and try and make sense of it. At the moment its just whirling round in my head and I need to get it out. I think because ive thrown myself into work the past few months, its now starting to come out and I cant control it anymore.

Ive booked in to see my GP tommorow, as its been nearly 3 weeks now and still the same. Im also needed to get some more antibiotics anyway as Ive had this sinus infection since last week, and it just wont go, already had one course. Unfortunately I get them alot due to my allergies. Ive noticed though since October ive been more run down, and now its got to the point where Im like I am.

I was down as being on A/L tommorow anyway, but have emailed my boss and said I wont be back before xmas and that im not well enough. Ive asked if he can get someone to cover for the next few days (we close from 24th for xmas). I need to be again 29th to cover between xmas and New year, so am aiming to make that. Hate leaving them in the lurch and worry so much the effect this will have. I know I shouldnt worry what they think, but its so hard when youve worked so hard and my boss was so happy with my work, to then let him down and the team. Ive got to get that out my head though, I know. I keep reminding myself I wouldnt be doing this unless I had to.

Thanks so much for your support on here. Its really helped me the last few days which have felt really horrible. I still haven't heard a word from my two friends so no idea what they are thinking. Deep down though, I know what you are all saying is right, need to get myself well, then worry about that. Its just so hard to be going through this again, I thought after I was ill a few years ago and then suffered with depression, that once Id got through it, that was it. But now Its back and Im having to fight it on my own. Last time I had my H and relied on him so much for support. I thought I was doing well, thought I was making a life for myself with the job etc, but now its like my body has other ideas

Laura I really don't know what to say. I am so sorry you are going through this and you have separated.

I have been through depression many times & you need help honey. Email me & we can talk xxxx

I am so sorry that you are feeling so down, As you can see from the responses you have had, depression is alot more common than we think. I have suffered with it on and off all my life, although I havent had a bout for a few years now.

I dont know what advice to give you really, depression affects us all in different ways and what works for one wont for the next. What I would say to you is, be kind to yourself, take as long as you need off work, keep on at your doctor, he is there to help you. The antideprssants will work, they just take time to get into the system.

Please try to stop beating yourself up about not going to the wedding, you did the right thing. It would have been awful if you were a wreck at the wedding and spoilt your friends special day. They will understand and be there for you.

Try and go and see your sister if only for a couple of hours. I found if I made myself do some small thing every day, even if it was only to walk the dog around the block, I felt as though I was achieving something.

Try to search for the light at the end of the tunnel you are in, it is there.

Big hugs to you xxxx

Thanks again to everyone who has replied. It does help knowing other people have gone through it, not that I would ever wish it on anyone though, its horrible.

Hi Sherrie, Thanks. Yeah, its not been the best of years unfortunately. Hope your well xx.

Heard from one of my friends last night, she texted, but I dont think she really understands. The text started was pretty much the whole sort yourself out kind of thing but with a bit of hear for you on the end. Haven't heard at all from other friend. I feel a bit upset about it, know they think ive let my friend down, but Ive known them since I was little and they were my BM's and I thought they knew me better than to just think I would selfishly do that. If only it were as simple as that.

Saw counsellor today and it helped a bit, she made me feel less like a complete failiure. Im seeing her again next week & hope to go back to work Tuesday. Still feeling full of infection ive got, but hope itl be gone by then as GP gave me more antibiotics yesterday. At least managed to get a bit of sleep last night.

I really want to find the light at the end of the tunnel, am trying my hardest, but the slightest thing just knocks me sideways.

Thanks to you all, it does help knowing other people have come out the other side x