Parent's Contributions?

My parents have paid for at least half of our wedding, my oh's parents have paid for nothing , they havent offered and seem to think they dont even need to offer to chip in . ive left them to it

My parents are paying for a lot of our wedding - up to a certain amount. My OH's mum is also contributing, although not as much, but she has less money, there's one of her, and it's traditionally the brides' parents that pay so that's fine! Then we're doing some ourselves. I think it'll prob work out:

My M&D - 60%

Me/OH - 20%

OH's Mum - 20%

I'm very grateful to both sets of parents but tbh I don't think it's something you can expect, at least not nowadays - I think if they offer great, if not you just have to pay for your own

We didn't ask and didn't expect. We wouldn't have planned our wedding here if we couldn't afford to do it ourselves...we would have still done it cos we want to be married but feel it's our choice and responsibility to pay for! However, a year down the line (we will have been engaged a year and a half when we get hitched) my OH's mum and dad offered us some money...they didn't say how much, they just said they'd like to help as they paid for his sisters wedding some years ago, which is very lovely of them. My mum also said straight away she wanted to buy my dress which I think is lovely and I found more special than the money.

If I were you's I wouldn't ask, but maybe other people have and it's worked out okay. I just don't think it should be expected really, though of course it's lovely if it's offered! ?

I am an old married but will give my opinion.

My dad gave us some money towards the wedding and my mum (they are divorced) gave what she could if I recall she paid for the bridesmaids dresses. My husbands parents did not give us anything. This was fine as I did not expect anything off them.

To be honest I don't understand the 'expecting' parents from either side to give money for the wedding and I don't see why if one gives it should be expected that the other does. In my opinion the bride and groom have chosen to marry and will then chose where they marry and what kind of wedding they have and I don't understand the expectation for someone else to pay towards it.

Surely whatever money you are offered is great but I do think it is rude to ask for money off the parents or even compare what each set have given or not given if that is the case.

I got engaged on holiday. My Mum came round when we got back and told me that she would buy my dress and photographer. She's also paid for 1/2 of the bridesmaids dresses and for my veil.

When we set the date, I emailed my Dad (parents are separated). In his reply he asked if we wanted a contribution and if so how much. I told him how much the reception package was and said if he wanted to pay some/all that would be very very nice! He has said he'll pay for the reception and has been fine with additional bits and pieces being added on - canapes, bridal suite etc. I've just asked outright. He also told me that my Grandma wanted to contribute so we've used the money she has given us for stationery, cake and flowers as I wanted to be able to show her what we've spent the money on IYSWIM.

OH's parents rang and said to him that they'd like to contribute, without treading on any toes with regards to my parents. They have been incredibly generous and have said that they don't want us to have to pay for anything which is lovely (although I've not put it into practice - I've picked up little bits like bridesmaid jewellery, my shoes etc that I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for the money for!). They'll be putting some money behind the bar, sorting groomswear and our honeymoon.

ETA we picked a venue with a package that we could afford without any contribution from anyone IYSWIM. I realise that we're very lucky to have been offered contributions ?

I don't think you should expect or ask. For me, it seems very rude.

We have been lucky; both parents were upfront about helping us and told us how much they were going to contibute. Last week, OH's parents said they would meet any shortcomings we had with paying for it but at no point have we asked them to.

It's lovely that they're offering, but we would have got married without their help - it isn't their day to pay for.

We're paying for everything ourselves and that's the way i'd prefer it, if someone else was paying i'd feel that i'd have to go with their ideas not my own.

Neither of our parents have got alot of money so i probably wouldn't take it even if they did offer, both of mine are pensioners and MIL2B lives on her own, FIL2B and OH aren't that close so i doubt he would have given anything but he did offer to pay for his own suit.

x

Both sets of parents offered to help out straightaway, which we're so grateful for. My parents have bought several big bits for us...plus, everytime I have a wobble about affording it all, Mum always assures me they will help us out more if needed which I'm not relying on, but it's nice to know the offer is there!. OHs parents are giving us a lump sum and paying for certain bits. So in all we're really, really lucky, but we didn't expect them to pay for anything, Everytime they offer I make sure they know they don't have to. We chose to have the wedding we're having, so I think we should save up for it, and anyone who wants to help us is a bonus

Hiya,

1st time around my parents paid for everything.. and now 15 years on.. I'm really grateful for this and didn't realise how much things were. My ex OH's parents gave my dad about £1500 and he just put it behind the bar as everything else was covered, so this went down a treat. and though mum and dad didn't interfere too much, there were people during the day that were their friends as well as ours which I wouldnt have had but they were paying :o).

This time - 2nd time for both OH and me, we are doing it ourselves, much better, and my Mum and Dad have already said "you're not expecting us to pay are you..?" which we weren't even going to ask at all, i dont think they are going to contribute but this time I am not asking, everything is within our budget and we get free reign on the day who we want etc x

My parents have a rule of 1 wedding per daughter - has worked out well as my sister has got married three time!

Exactly the same as me! We haven't asked either set of parents to contribute nor did we expect them to, however my parents have made quite a substantial contribution, which we are very grateful for ?

That seems to be the situation with us also.

Had it not been for my parent's chipping in, we would have done something extremely small, although we are still trying keep numbers relatively small. I'm just concerned because my OH has a very large family, and I don't think his parent's should request distant relatives and friends of theirs should attend (especially if they are not contributing).

Personally, I wouldn't ask for your OH parent's for money. Traditionally (if thats something you pay attention to - lots of traditions are very outdated in my opinion!) it would only be the bride's parents that contribute. And they might be offended or feel very awkward if they weren't planning on contributing.

When we got engaged we planned on getting married September 2012. This was because after working out a budget we realised it would take us about this long to save up. A couple of weeks later my parents told us they wanted to contribute and told us how much, which was a great surprise and then about a week after that OH parents said they wanted to contribute but weren't sure how much yet. For this we are extremely greatful as we did not 'expect' any help from anybody else and were planning on paying for the wedding ourselves. And now we have been able to bring the wedding forward.

We have also been fortunate that we have still been able to choose everything and have not had any 'interfering' relatives! (yet!)

Good luck!

My mum told me straight away she would pay for my dress and accessories, I would never ask for for any help because as a signle mum looking after my 2 younger brothers I think she has enough to deal with. However I have told her I'm going to abuse her crafty hands when it comes to invites and favours.

OHs family told us straight away they would contribute £1000 to our wedding which was very nice of them.

My dad has said he will contribute something - but I don't know how much and am not concerned as I don't feel he has a duty to.

I don't think I'd bring the subject up with anyone - it sounds horrible asking for money (I hate the thought asking for money as a gift towards our honeymoon from our guests too! but still discussing it as an option). But I believe if a parent wants to contribute then they will let you know.

H2B's dad has given us a £2000 towards our wedding he said he wanted to contirbute the same as he had to H2B's sisters wedding, my parents have offered nothing nor have we asked - actually i take that back, my mum and stepdad have said we could have some of their 'attic treasures' to do a car boot and put the money towards the wedding which we will do but i cant help feeling its a half hearted offer in comparison (they are in a position to offer a bit more finacial help if they wanted), my dad and step mum bless them would if they could but hey we have just bought them a washing machine for their wedding anniversary as they couldnt even afford a new one themselves. We are paying the remaining £4500 - £5000 ourselves.

This is my second wedding and generally speaking the bride and groom i believe usualy pay their own way in these circumstances, but mum and stepdad again paid nothing towards my first wedding and again WERE in a position to do so, they did however PAY FOR MY SISTERS WEDDING! This isnt something ive really thought about or held against them but cant help feeling a little pi$$£d off about it right now.

Traditionaly it is the brides family (father i believe) that would pay for/ towards most things weddingy, but i do think you should consider yourselves lucky that your parents are contributing, its wrong to 'assume' that your H2B's parents would automaticaly offer to contribute, but dont see anything wrong in approaching them just saying that you are looking into your wedding budget and wondered if they were in a position to help at all? but i wouldnt push it any more than that and certainly wouldnt say anything about your parents contribution as it then paves the way for competition between the two families and you really dont want to start married life on that note im sure!

Either way whatever happens in your circumstance have great fun planning your special day! x

My parents are not contributing at all, his dad is giving us a bit of money towards Champagne and his Mum is not giving us anything :-) But bless his grandma, she's contributing towards my dress!

Awww bless her! x

I know! she told me "I paid for my other granddaughters' dresses" so I said "I'm not one though..." and she said "I love you like one"... awwwww. She's a wonderful lady.

well my OH did say that his parents had offered to pay for different things. Im just taking their word for it! So far I've paid a few deposits, my mum bought my dress and the BM dresses, Dad paid the deposit at the hotel, and the OH has paid for the honeymoon deposit. He said he's paying for it. I do think we're paying most of it ourselves!

Me and my OH will be paying for most however both sides will contribute.

My mum - My dress, flowers and cake. She'll be making the cake, and will help me proberly with making the stationary

OH dad - Honeymoon

Not sure of OH mum and husband, proberly nothing or just a little something.

I'm very grateful for all help, but the honeymoon has helped us more than FIL knows, as we worked out we couldn't afford a honeymoon, so was going to do a minimoon then honeymoon a yr later for our anni. Now we not only can have a honeymoon, but can start for a family staright after the wedding.

My mum has insisted on paying for my dress and all the things im going to need. Which has been lovely, Really special. My mum and dad did also want to contribute, but i knew they didn't have much money, so i told them they didn't have to lots of times. Untill my mum and dad told me to stop saying no because its rude!! (i just didn't want them stressing over it) So we decided that whatever they decided to put to the wedding me and OH would use it as spending money on our honeymoon. They really liked the idea that their money was just for me and H2b!!

OH mum has offered to pay for our DJ which was really nice. she earns much more than my mum and dad, but i would never expect any more nor would i ask for it. H2b feels really guilty cos my parents are saving loads for the wedding and his mum could help easily.

We are paying for everything (except DJ) and are happy to do so, i would never arranged a wedding if i didn't know how i was going to pay for it!! Although with less than 2 months to go now and only 2 pays left, i feel like im always doing sums to make sure everything is being paid!! HA

P xx

If it wasn't for the generosity from my parents (my Mum, Step Dad and Dad) I doubt we would be having a wedding at all!!

My H2B Dad has contributed very generously for our honeymoon, we only expected to go to Cornwall or devon and have booked a honeymoon to Jamaica!

His Mum and Stepdad have not contributed at all... She did say they were broke although they do work, and my Mum, Stepdad and Dad are all retired and on a pension...

We've got both sets of parents contributing, and between them they're pretty much paying for everything. However, we never asked them too. It was only a few weeks after we got engaged that they all mentioned it independently of each other. We're obviously very grateful but it wasn't something we expected. And we'd have used credit cards, delayed slightly, cut the guest list and saved our backsides off if they hadn't offered.

We planned our wedding as to what we can afford. We have had contributions from my parents, FIL and MIL towards the wedding which has let us not scrimp and save too much in saving as we don't have a lot to pay for. My grandmother has paid for my dress and the dads all paid for their suits themselves as they were bought and they wouldn't let us pay for it for them as they get to keep it. We've been very lucky. I would never have asked for anything, nor would I budget expecting something.

We're paying for everything ourselves, including any honeymoon we may have. We have a tight but do-able budget and are saving like mad for it. i never asked my parents for any contribution, although Dad has said he will give us £250 - the same amount he gave to my siblings, although i think that is more of a wedding gift rather than a contribution. OH parents haven't offered, and i wouldn't expect them to as we're both in our 40's (early 40's, i may add) and working full time, so I really don't expect to receive any contributions from either set of parents.

Ours is broken down as follows approx...

My parents 50%

His parents 25%

Us 25% (pretty much the honeymoon but depends where we choose to go so could be more)

Personally I agree with some of the girls on here, I don't expect anything from mine or my OH's parents in terms of financial contribution towards our wedding.

I've forecast how much I think myself and my OH can save in the time we have and then budgeted using that amount. Don't get me wrong, it'd be absolutely lovely to be given a helping hand but I really don't think that my extravagant wants have to be paid for by our parents!

Having said that, we're going to be buying our first house before we get married and my parents have said they will help us with the deposit and I'm taking them up on that offer.

Well, ours is quite difficult as my parents live abroad and are divorced and A) my dad doesn't even know about the wedding yet because he doesn't want me to get married to ANYONE, least of all AGAIN (this is my 2nd time round) (although he could afford to pay for at least half the costs) and B) my mum really couldn't afford it and is saving as we speak to give me at least a thousand or two. OH hasn't spoken to his mother in 6 years and nor has OH's sister who is my BM. Long story, evil woman. OH's Dad and his wife will find out in Sep when we are visiting them for the first time together (they live 300 miles away in Scotland) and we are hoping they'll offer some financial support but we won't ask directly. So far the bride and groom are paying for most of this wedding LOL!

My parents said they would pay for the venue costs - hire, food and drink and myself and Oh paid for the rest. It worked out about 50% of the total cost that they paid. I didn't ask them - they offered when we announce we were getting married.

We didn't ask and didn't expect anything.

My parents have told me that they will pay for the disco, and H2B's parents have insisted on paying for the cake. Both very nice gestures. We are paying for everything else ourselves, which is what we had budgeted for anyway!

I was expecting my dad to tell me to wait so he/I could save, or that he would offer me a small amount not realising how much weddings cost. But in actual fact he offered me an amount uofront,without me even asking, and i was very supprised. H2Bs parents are very pro marriage and always made it clear they would help out whenever we got married, even before we were engaged! but i was also very supprised that they matched my dads offer. so all in all parents our preants are paying about 80% between them all, and we are paying the rest.

I strongly wanted to pay for the wedding myself, so that we could have control of everything and not be obliged to any parents. My parents were actually a bit upset as they felt it was their duty, honour even to pay for it. Anyway, plans all changed and the wedding is now costing a lot more than the original plan - but that was our decision and I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for that. However, my dad offered again and said he really wanted to contribute, so I asked him to pay for the photographer and he was happy to do that. OH's parents want to give us the same amount of money they spent on OH's sister's wedding, which is very generous of them. We haven't taken them up on that yet, but they are paying for our honeymoon. In terms of your question, I wouldn't ask your OH's side for money - if they want to help out they'd offer and it's not traditionally their job to pay for wedding, and it could end up being awkward.

My grandmother is paying for the cake which is lovely of her. The last time I was home my mum (who isn't happy with the change of plans) not-so-subtly announced they didn't have any money any more because she and my stepdad had spent it all on new windows, doors and shelving! I would never have asked them for money but now I need to tell them that my dad has contributed. The joys.