Parents contributions...Just a random thought!

I n our case, we had saved a certain amount for our daughter's wedding as she is the only child so it was something we hoped would happen one day so we planned for it for when it did . We had a discussion with the Groom's parents and them and Andrews Mum and Dad were very happy and willing to share the cost with us and so were Alex and Andrew. In the end, we basically all chipped in a third each. I appreciate this won't always work for some parents as both Alex and Andrew are the only child so they were no brothers and sisters weddings also to pay for. It also helped that we are great friends with Andrew's parents too and see them quite often. I think the old traditions of Bride's parents pay for this and Grooms for that is pretty much forgotten about nowadays as everyone appreciates how much a wedding costs.

Difficult to say as I only have a sister and Mr C only has a brother.

We got money from my mum towards the wedding in the form of my dress, nothing from Mr C's mum or dad in advance of the wedding, although they gave us money afterwards. My dad gave us a photo frame.

My nan also left us money towards the honeymoon.

My sister has no plans to get married but I would expect my mum would do the same for her...

Mr C's brother was married many many years ago, I don't think anyone contributed towards that but then they weren't happy about the marriage anyway from what I gather. Needless to say they are divorced now!

We budgeted and planned our wedding based on what we could afford. I wouldn't, as a daughter, have expected my parents to foot the bill.

My OH parents paid far more for his sisters wedding then they are contributing to ours.

My dad is paying for a large amount of ours, we weren't expecting it though. We'd saved up then told them the date we were thinking of and they insisted they'd pay a lot of it. I knew they would contribute but didn't realised it would be so much.

My Dad paid money towards my dress. My brother appears to have acquired a new car. I guess that they gave him some money but no idea if that's true. I think this might mean they wouldn't contribute to his wedding (if such a miracle happened). Or, if they do, I get a new car

My parents have paid for the reception and Mum has chipped in here and there with other things as when she thinks we need it. I didn't expect a penny and told them as much, we would have had a longer engagement to save up, but my grandpa paid for my parent's wedding and my mum wanted to do the same for me. I would imagine therefore that my sister will get the same amount I did. Not sure about my brother. If the bride's parents couldn't pay (or wouldn't) I have no doubt that they would again offer the same that I got. Mum likes the tradition but it's more about helping the kids rather than only paying for the girls. I agreed with OH that a wedding paid for by my parents would be budget (one paid for us would be too) as it's not my money and I didn't want to take the mick

?

My parents have said they are going to give me a set amount, and they are going to give my brother the same amount. He is free to do with it what he likes, but if he gets married in the future then they won't be contributing anything further.

Haha, I can just imagine that future conversation...

New fiance: So, do you think your parents might be able to contribute?

Brother: Ah yes, well they did but I spaffed it on a trip to Ibiza.

Sounds about right!

This is why my parents are keeping hold of my brothers until he decides to marry! x

My H doesn't know exactly what his parents spent on his sisters wedding other than his dad said he could have paid a premiership footballer for a week instead. They gave us a couple of hundred towards our wedding. So yes, they spent a lot more on their daughter than their son.

My brother isn't married yet and not planning to be for now. I expect that my parents will make a similar contribution to him as they did for me should he decide to tie the knot.

My parents funded most of my sister's wedding, 17 years ago. They paid for the tog at my brother's wedding 9 years ago (not an inconsiderable amount, especially for nearly a decade ago - think he was about £2k!) but my brother and his wife didn't want / need any firther contribution. They have funded most of ours, and H2B's parents have contributed £2k because they wanted to, and it's what they could afford.

H2B doesn't have any sisters, just 1 brother who got married 4 years ago (to a very traditional bride, and they snubbed offer of contribution from H2B's parents) so I think they wanted to contribute anyway!

A few weeks after we told everyone that we had set a date, my dad said 'so when do you need some money'. I knew he would contribute but i was completely surprised when he insisted on paying the whole thing. I already had a rough amount that i intended to spend and this hasnt changed now that he will be paying, I definitely will not be taking the piss. I expect he will do the same for my sister but really not sure about my brother. Dad is quite traditional but I imagine he would do the same for all three to keep things fair. OH parents arent really in a position to contribute but I dont know if they would if they could, we are the first to be getting married and OH only has brothers so i guess his parents (not married themseleves) have never really thought about it.

My Parents are contributing to ours, OH's parents are divorced and his Mum gave us a significant amount at Christmas for house deposit or whatever we wanted so we're using a fraction of that as her contribution which she was happy with, OH's Dad hasn't shown the slightest bit of interest from the start except to say "I'm not wearing pink" when we asked him if he'd like to have the same suit as the rest of the bridal party!

My dad said "I hope you are not expecting anything from me, I don't have any."

He spent all of his on a new house in Spain!

My parents paid for my sisters wedding, however, they are in a different situation now and I am in a different place to my what my sister was. Due to current things happening I said I will not take any money from them as I do not need to. I don't know if they will give me money in the future when things are resolved.

My parents have supported us all in different ways, so I would not expect the same as she received. When it comes to my brother I am sure it will be judged on what he needs and what they can afford and go from there.

Boy's parents are different, and whatever is given to us will be given to his sister - probably at the same time as she is in a long term relationship but may not marry. Though currently we are not expecting anything from them.

Very interesting topic. My parents are pretty traditional and always said they would pay for my wedding - although OH and I have insisted on paying for some things and OH's parents have made a small contribution. When my brother (my only sibling) got married last year, his wife's dad paid for most of it, and our parents made a small contribution - so yes they've paid a lot more for my wedding than for my brothers. However, my brother's FIL is very well off and wanted to pay for the wedding. If that hadn't been the case, I'm sure my parents would have paid for more of his. I really appreciate what my parent's are contributing, as OH and I would have been happy to pay for it ourselves but would have had to wait a while to save up.

My parents have given us all different i think. My sister didn't accept anything from them however they did end up still sending a lot of bits and bobs. They have give me a set figure for our and then for my brother my mum say they only way they will ever afford it will be if they give them double what i've had... Not sure my dad will be impressed with that figure tho!! But he's the favouite of mums and only the best will do for him hahaha.. Mommy boys eh!!

I think parental contributions are a gift and thus any amount they decide to give should be discretionary.

HOWEVER, I can't help but think it's unfair and sexist to contribute more to a daughter's wedding than a son's. Yes, I recognize the "tradition" for the bride's parents to pay, but as more and more couples (perhaps MOST couples?) pay for their own weddings these days, that tradition seems to be extremely antiquated, IMO.

Some really interesting responses! thanks! i wonder if OH's sister never marrys what will become of the 'wedding fund' saved for her? she already has a house! i don't think we would ever know for sure what their contribution to her wedding would be compared to ours but i'm sure it would be at least double. I didn't expect them to contribute anything due to their 'traditional values' but we are so grateful for what they are! x

I can answer this from the angle of being the only daughter but NOT an only child.

When it was my turn to get married (funnily enough we have actually managed to get married "in order", little brother still to marry he is the last of the four of us), being the only daughter mum and dad had things they wanted to happen and were paying for. Here is what they paid for

My dress (mum wanted me to have one rather than hiring one)

The reception & evening do (at the same venue)

The flowers (which were bought and made by mum and family friend ) - my bouquet, MOH and bridesmaid bouquets and buttonholes

The disco

Dads suit, the page boy suits

OH's parents also contributed (they offered) they paid for

The Church

Fil made the wedding cake and an auntie (on my side) iced it

Fil's suit

OH and I paid for

The photographer

The car to the wedding

OH and Best Mans suit hire

So, I guess yes mum parents paid more than OH's parents, I hadn't asked them to, they said that these are what they wanted to do as i was their only daughter

Really interesting. I was going to ask about this the other day.

My parents told us from the begining exactly how much we would get (plus my dress as extra) It is the same as the ammount FPIL spent on FBIL's wedding last year)

However, my dad was made redundant about a month ago. They have always been very careful with money and are in no way going to be destitute and have said they will still give me the money promised. I however am having huge second thoughts about this. Could do with some advice.

PS my brother has been told he will get the same when/if his time arrives. My friend who has 3 siblings, male and female and is unmarried at 35 has been told by her parents she can have the money the others have had towards her house!

I have one sister and my husband has one brother. My parents have saved up money for both of their daughters' weddings (altho my sister isn't planning to get married anytime soon!). They paid for a large chunk of my wedding as they wanted to be traditional and host it and they plan to do the same for my sister. I paid for the photographer, my dress and the favours and they paid for pretty much everything else.

My in-laws (who are actually quite well off, although you'd never think it if you saw them) weren't planning to contribute at all initially but I think they got a bit embarrassed when they realised that my parents were paying for most of the wedding. They brought up their boys to stand on their own two feet - to the point of not helping my BIL out when he was made redundant and couldn't afford his mortgage, which I thought was a bit harsh! Anyway, they ended up contributing a bit towards our post-wedding celebration party instead. It was about a quarter of what my parents paid for the wedding day - but we were VERY grateful to both sets as between the wedding and the party we actually spent a lot more than we could have otherwise afforded!!

Interesting one, both OH and I are the first to get married out of siblings so nothing to compare to. I'm the only girl though. Both sets have contributed fairly equally so I imagine that would be the same for siblings should they ever get married (not exactly looking likely!)

For my parents it was a uni fund they had saved up, given that I didn't go to uni I got the help on buying a flat instead.

I try not to compare to siblings though, it'll only end in resentment and is very contextual. If my brother marrys a millionaires daughter I doubt my parents will feel they need to contribute an equal amount!!!

My Mum didn't contribute anything to my brother's wedding, but gave them her car literally just afterwards (I just think it was an excuse for her to get a new one!), so think it was worth at least £2-3k.

Mum paid for my dress and the guitarist, so I think that was about £1k.

Actually, thinking about it, I think she paid for my brother's wedding party in the village hall and the band... (the wedding was in Hungary in the June and the party was in Mum's village in the September)

I think my parents would have contributed the same amount if they had a son. It's hard to judge as I don't have brothers. Mr RB's parents aren't contributing as much as they will for his sisters' weddings in the future. They've said that they have daughters to pay for.

I am an only child so can't really comment for me. My mum has paid for my dress and tiara which was lovely, I really didn't expect her to pay for anything tbh.

I would imagine that if OH's sisters get married, OH's dad would pay. He is an extremely wealthy man and is generous to his family. However he has not offered us money for the wedding, we haven't asked, and we wouldn't expect it

I can only guestimate that from the way he treats OH differently to his sisters in other situations he would pay for their full shebang. e.g. one of OHs sister's is a single mum. So OH dad bought her a house. (He loaned us money for our depost, but it has to be paid back.) The other sister has a very high flying job and doesn't really require any extra cash, however I think she was also bought her flat. I can understand why there are differences, as OH is with me and we share expenses jointly, whereas both sisters are single so obviously a lot harder to manage on one person's wage. I also think if any money was offered to us other than on loan terms, OH would just turn it down anyway.

We did borrow his dad's credit card though to put our honeymoon on, as we don't have a CC and wanted extra security. When OH went to give his dad the cheque to pay it back, his dad said 'Keep it, I will pay for your honeymoon as your wedding gift'. OH was shocked and told his dad to look properly at the amount on the cheque and be sure. Then FIL2b saw the amount the cheque was for and very quickly took it, saying 'Oh I thought it would be a couple of hundred which I don't mind giving you as a gift, not a few grand!' ?

Hard to say as I'm one of two girls and Mr Knees is one of 4 boys, so we have no basis for comparison. My dad inherited a substantial amount of money from an elderly spinster aunt a few years ago (not long before my sister got engaged) and told us straight out that it was going to be put away for our weddings. Around the same time, Mr Knees' first brother got engaged, and his parents told us how much he had set aside for each of our weddings. Interestingly, it was the same amount as my parents had set aside.

We're utterly grateful for all the money we've had, as we wouldn't have been able to have our wedding abroad the way we're doing it if it wasn't for them. Nobody expects money from their parents, but everybody is grateful for it. I'd have been a bit miffed if I was a brother and my parents had offered my sister more.

It hasn't happened yet, as Mr RB's the eldest, but it's what has been said ("we've got your sisters' weddings to eventually pay for"). I don't think it's very fair but there you go! I'm very grateful for the contribution we are getting, but I do think they should all be treated equally.

I agree. If my parents, when my brother gets married, offer him less than they gave me then I would have a quiet word with them in all honesty.

I do have a feeling that my PIL will offer my SIL much, much more when she gets married, but for some reason that doesn't bother me at all. Perhaps because they were so very undemanding and their cash was given completely as a gift, so I was just grateful, whereas my parents tied so many strings to their money.

I have a lot of siblings, boys and girls. Only one is married and she married a guy who was pretty well off (and older) and they paid for their own wedding. My h2b has one sister.

My parents have paid for more than half of our wedding. His parents gave us a contribution which covers just under a quarter and we have paid the rest. I think his parents would probably give the same amount to his sister. My parents will probably pay roughly the same amount for my sisters (depending on what sort of wedding they have and on their individual circumstances) but I think they would probably pay less for the boys as they are quite traditional and would probably expect the bride's parents to contribute more.

We aren't a family where everything has to be exactly equal - it's about who needs what at the time. We are incredibly grateful to both sets of parents as our wedding would be completely different/much later without their help.

I have three sisters (I am the oldest and the first to marry) Apparently my dad has been saving to get rid of us all, came as a bit of a shock, although I'm not sure he really understands how much weddings cost. We tried to explain to him about chair covers the other night- he looked very confused. Tbh I think he would probably contribute to all of our weddings no matter if we were boys or girls.

OH's family are contributing a bit and my grandparents have put some towards which is very kind. The sweetest is that OH's Great Grandma who recently passed away left a sum to his Mum and Dad who said that they are putting it towards our wedding, its like one Mrs R passing down to the next Mrs R