Parents contributions...Just a random thought!

I have three brothers and when I first got engaged my mum and dad said they'd give me a set amount of cash towards the wedding and my brothers would get the same when it was their turn. My mum is paying for my dress on top of that but two of my brothers have their own kilts already so it kinda evens out. Though as someone else said, I suspect my dad won't cough up so much if my any of my brothers marry into a rich family.

We aren't expecting a penny from OH's mum.

Both of our parents are divorced. I think we will get some help from my dad and his. I expect that to be about the same for my brother and his sister in the future.

Both mum's don't have the same comfortable financial situation but we are guessing that they will contribute in other ways, like helping with making invites etc.

So pretty equal all round here.

I'm one of two girls and my sister isn't married yet so can't compare there.

OH's sister got married last year and his parents paid for everything and honeymoon to Thailand. The groom's parents didn't contribute a penny to that wedding.

OH's parent have made a contribution to our wedding and it covered about a 1/3. I don't know if that's because our wedding is costing significantly more than SIL's wedding, or because PILs knew my parents would also be contributing to the wedding kitty?

We are very grateful for any help we receive but secretly I am nosey and wish I knew how much SILs wedding cost!

My brother got married last year. When we got engaged my parents said that they wanted to give us the same amount as they gave my brother. We tried to refuse the money but they told us in no uncertain terms that they wouldn't accept no for an answer. We were very grateful for their contribution. Oh's parents said that they wanted to contribute but didn't give us an amount. We didn't expect them to give us a large amount as I don't think they have as much disposable income as my parents do. A month before the wedding they came to visit and told us how much they wanted to contribute. This was much more than we expected and we were very grateful for this. His sister get married a few years ago. I have no idea how much they contributed to that.

My parents have two daughters, they paid for my sisters wedding in full and are contributing a considerable amount to ours although we have paid for alot ourselves. OH's parents have 3 sons and paid for the photographs for each wedding!!

xx

I think alot is circumstance dependant i.e. if my parents pay for my reception and do the same for my brother, one maybe more expensive on account of his OH or mine having substantially more family but i would see that as treating us equally. Also they would want us both to have the most special day we could, if i'm in a posiiton to pay for more of my wedding than my brother is i wouldn't expect my parents to help him out the same amount as they helped me if it would be detrimental to his day. Not that i expect my parents to contribute but what is offered is gratefully received.

Another factor maybe that a parent may want to buy their daughter her dress, i don't think i've seen a suit for a groom costing quite as much and in most cases no where near.

I hope and certainly in my family don't think its based on gender more based on different 'needs' as such and situations. My OH's parents i think have contributed more to his wedding than his brothers as whilst his brother was wed near his home town my OH is getting married 4hours away from his family so his parent are paying for the family accomodation but they didnt do this at his brothers.

My brother got married 5 years ago and our dad paid for there suits and for the couches to and from the venue for everyone and also put money behind the bar not exactly sure how much tho but when we booked our wedding my dad insisted he paid for the whole reception and my dress which completly took me by suprise ! since then he has also offered to pay for flowers and has paid the deposit for the cars....OH mam and dad are divorced he's mam is giving us 1k towards the wedding and hes dad says hes saving up to give us a good wedding present....we are very grateful as expected to pay for pretty much everything ourselves x

I have 2 sisters. One I don't think will ever marry the other marries this August.

Our parents are on a financial knife edge but Mum has still paid the sister's garter (which was £65!!!), veil, tiara and, I think, jewellery - sister is a spoilt little madam and should have refused because she knows the financial situation but she hasn't. Mum is now panicking that she will only be able to afford an outfit for sister's wedding if Dad gets a bonus this month.

She said she wanted to pay for my garter. tiara & veil but I'm not having any of those. She has asked if she can pay for my jewellery which I've already bought but I'm going to (politely) refuse because she can't afford it.

I've know for many, many years that my parents wouldn't be pay for my wedding (they've never, ever had any savings) but a part of me is a little upset that they couldn't save something to even pay for the flowers or something like that.

As for OH he has 1 older sister that hasn't yet married. I wouldn't be surprised if OH's parents would pay for her wedding if the time comes but I'm not that sure that they'd contribute a similar amount to his. When we first got engaged they asked if we were paying for it all ourselves, we said yes. Do wonder if they were considering a contribution... However they did lend us a lot of money to buy our house when the bloody surveyor down valued it.

One silver lining of my parents not paying - we can have want we want without the Mother Ship stomping her feet! ?

We had some words in our house about this the other day. I am a only child (brother died 10 years ago, but did have a small wedding) My dad has offered £2000 as our wedding present, my mum (who literally has no money) has bought my dress and bridesmaid after much arguing, as I did not want her too, so mum £800.

OH parents have contributed £150 to a room upgrade on our honeymoon, as they were there whilst we booked it and we had to upgrade to get the hotel we wanted... I am a bit peeved as OH parents spent approx £500 on one brother and prob a bit more on the other (although it was a wierd wedding, they had only been together 4months and had the "reception" as parents house! They also made all the food

Just bugs me really as I think if you do it for one you do it for all, and the room upgrade i could of lived without! I get to see the pool instead of the tree... Whoopdi doo

But Hey ho! I am grateful for any contribution I guess! xx

OHs sister gets married this month and his parents treat the pair of them equally so whatever they spend on her wedding they are giving to him.

The tradition isn't going in our families!

OH is one of two boys so can't compare their treatment against a girl.

OH's parents are giving us £1000 towards our wedding though.

My dad in no such way will be giving me ANYTHING towards my wedding, he's not even going to attend (but that's another long story!)

Mum isn't greatly well off but has offered to cover the over-spend on my dress which is about £150!

I have a brother but he's nearly 10 years younger than me so when he gets married I think any help he may or may not get would be relevant to the family and financial situations!

Mum has already said though that she thinks the tradition of the bride's father paying for wedding is old now. My mum's dad didn't even pay for her wedding over 25 years ago...he did however pay for her sister's wedding about 5 years later!

My mum is paying for flowers, Dad says he's giving me £1500 towards things. OH's dad gave us £1000 which we used towards a honeymoon we didn't think we could afford and OH's mum is contributing nothing.

We're paying for the rest. I doubt my parents will be able to contribute much to my wee brother if he ever decides to get married - probably the same, my mum buying the flowers, and my older sister unlikely to get married as she is a total mentalist - long story...

My parents aren't contributing to our wedding but they did loan us money as a deposit for our house 3yrs ago which we've slowly been paying off and they've said they'll reduce the amount we owe them as a gift instead.

My partners parents have given us £1,000 towards the wedding (£500 in advance for photographer & cake and apparently £500 on the day itself as a gift)

I think tradition is pretty much ridiculous these days - it's from a time when wedding costs weren't so extortionate and families were almost always nuclear.

I'm an only child, OH is one of 3.5 boys (the 0.5 is his little half brother who's 5) and none of his brothers are married. As soon as we got engaged, my parents told us they'd be giving us a very generous amount. At any other point in my life, that much money would be completely amazing and beyond my wildest dreams, but as weddings are so ridiculously expensive, it's not enough to cover the cost of our wedding entirely.

OH's parents have also said they'll contribute - again, an amount that at any other time would be fantastic but in the scale of a wedding is relatively small. However, it's very generous of them, especially considering they are divorced and each have their own financial commitments (his mum is bringing up the little one and his dad has a mortgage and joint finances with his OH)

I can't help but feel though that OH's parents have used tradition to their advantage. I think that if they'd had a girl they would have saved and given significantly more towards her wedding. But as they didn't have a girl, tradition said they wouldn't need to contribute to a wedding and so they don't have savings for their sons weddings.

But then again, our families do feel quite differently about financially supporting their children, so our attitudes are quite different. I was supported through uni by my parents and they've long-term loaned us money for the deposit on our house from inheritance money they received, whereas OH received much less support through uni and no contribution towards accommodation after.

I ultimately believe that parents have a responsibility to support their children, whatever gender they are. If I have kids I'll do all I can to save money for their weddings, and I hope that their OH's parents will do the same to put them on the road to a happily married life. OH disagrees with me though and thinks children should become largely financially-independent from the age of 18 (apart from the girls parents paying for her wedding, of course ?)

My Mum said to me after we's spoken about there not being a contribution from OH's Dad, "so he just expects to turn up to the wedding with 30 members of his family, get fed, get watered and not contribute towards it". I replied with "errr, actually, yes, exactly that". It's stuck in my head every day since. Still don't know how I feel about it.

I'd be mortified if my mother thought that way about my H's parents.

I was too at the time. Everything has been sorted and resolved now, 4 months on but I am apprehensive about them meeting. We live in completely opposite sides of the country so the situation hasn't arisen yet. To defend my Mum a bit though, she's from a very close family, we are a very close family, OH isn't. He's been fending for himself since he was 17 and she just doesn't get her head around them not wanting any involvement at all.

My parents are retired so can't afford and I don't want any money. I feel guilty even making htem get a fancy hotel room so am paying extra for an upgrade that I'm not telling them about. His parents are divorced and his Dad is being generous for the honeymoon (though we have no idea what) and his mum is in the same position as my parents.

I htink my dad feels guilty he's not paying as "it's tradition" but my Brother is getting married 6 months after me and as he's just bought a house I would rather they help him out more if they really feel they need to do it.

I think it's a fair enough tradition if the daughter is young but we're in our 30s so just doesn't feel right so as far as your tradition question goes, I'm sure some will stick to it but I think it's a bit dated!