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joannexyx
Beginner July 2013

parents paying

joannexyx, 27 May, 2011 at 21:56 Posted on Planning 0 21

Is anyones parents paying for their day? if yes, did u ask them what ur budget is or did u just get on with it? i keep asking my mum n she says shes not telling me iv just to prioritise things that i really need. a lot of things at a wedding though people dont actually NEED they just want it i.e decorations, disposable cameras, favours etc. am i being selfish in wanting to know? i thought it would be good so at least then i can make a list of things that i can fit in the budget and il know not to go overboard. x

21 replies

Latest activity by lilrach22, 29 May, 2011 at 22:49
  • Tray1980
    Beginner July 2013
    Tray1980 ·
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    We are paying for our own day, but if I were in your position I would sit your mum down and say, this is what I want, this is what I need (but I'm flexible), can you tell me what is the budget so that I can make "proper" plans

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  • kharv
    Beginner March 2012
    kharv ·
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    We are going thirds with my parents and OH's parents. We asked outright what they could comfortably contribute.

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  • leni-lw!
    Beginner November 2011
    leni-lw! ·
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    My parents are paying day- his parents paying evening and at £42 p.head day with60ish is lotta money-evening is £17p.head they are paying cars/flowers/bm's dresses etc so really i am lucky that they are forking out these costs.. we have to pay church/tog/rings (obviously)/disco/oh' suits - they said that they would pay day and oh's folks said they would do the evening without us having to ask- phew ol- otherwise we could never afford the wedding for about 3/4 yrs

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  • SaSaSi
    Beginner July 2012
    SaSaSi ·
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    My parents are paying the majority of the wedding. No budget as such but were not massive spenders anyway. My parents are payin for fundamentals ie cars, reception (184 guests!!!!) my dress, BM dresses, videographer, cake, florist . Were payin our rings, suits, honeymoon & 'nice' things ie chair covers, table linen, light ups, sweetie table, balloon arch, martini centre pieces. OH mum Is payin our evening entertainment which we got v v reasonable. we have no set budget but I'm guessin everything is about 15-20K. I'm their only daughter & my folks have been fantastic. But we don't take advantage of it which they appreciate - they kno how hard we've been saving & if were short anywhere they will step up (which is a great saftey net). I think it depends on the relationship u have with your parents - mine said from start 'have what you want'. Ie we fell in love with LED dancefloor a few months ago & my mum goes 'What's £500 in the middle of all this?' And no we are rich - but my parents are big savers & are delighted I wanted a big family wedding (we shop in primark, my parents don't go on hols every year or anything but this is my one big day & there won't be any regrets.

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  • SarB
    Beginner August 2011
    SarB ·
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    Hi there

    My parents are paying for all of my wedding apart from my honeymoon. In the beginning I was told my budget and so could save money in places to make up for extra things I wanted such as videographer, smiley booth etc! My mum told me she didnt think I needed a videographer but I reminded her it was my wedding and thought it was a lovely idea and she came round to the idea when I saved money elsewere!!

    I would just go to your mum with a list of things that you need - venue, food, dress, suits etc and then a list of extra stuff like favours, disposable cameras etc and try and work a budget from there. I got ym bridesmaid dresses in the monsoon sale so at £40 each instead of £85 I put the money I had saved towards my smiley booth.

    Hope you sort it out!!

    S xx

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  • Saisi
    Beginner June 2011
    Saisi ·
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    How can you plan without knowing if someone wants to contribute £500, £5000 or £50000?! My dad kept telling me in the beginning "of course we'll pay for the wedding" but not actually telling me how much he was willing to put in and it was driving me MAD. I didn't want to seem ungrateful but seriously, how can you do anything without knowing a budget?! I made him tell me and am glad I did so as it meant I could actually start to book things. Even then he has actually given us less than he originally indicated, which we have not mentioned but it has really hurt me as it was money he promised, which he can EASILY spare, and which we're struggling to cover on our low incomes and it has actually harmed our relationship to the point that I don't feel I can trust him about anything important ever again.

    I advise you sit down with your mum, say "Look Mum, we are very grateful that you have said you wish to contribute but I cannot plan anything unless you give me a concrete figure. Please let me know how much you are intending to give, or else we will have to assume you don't want to give anything at all (which is fine) and we will continue without your input." You have to be prepared to follow through on this though if she doesn't play ball. Then if she does give you money later, it will be an added bonus rather than something you were counting on.

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  • overtherainbow
    overtherainbow ·
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    We went 3 ways for our daughter. Groom's Mum and Dad, Alex and Andrew and us. They did a spreadsheet of what they ideally would like and a rough estimate of the cost and then we all sat down and discussed who would chip in for various things and then anything that was considered not really necessary or things they weren't particularly bothered about leaving out were crossed off the list.

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  • Cheeky_pie
    Beginner August 2011
    Cheeky_pie ·
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    My Mum and Dad are paying for the Reception, Bridesmaid dresses, my veil and DJ. My OH's parents are paying for the suit Hire for the bridal Party and the wine for the tables at the reception. My granda paid for the wedding cars. We are paying for the Honeymoon, Venue dressing, Ministers fees, my dress and the photographger!!! My mum and Dad have 5daughters so I was shocked that they are paying for as much as they are!! xx

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  • kerrylou89
    Beginner August 2011
    kerrylou89 ·
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    I have to admit weve been very spoilt as our parents have paid for more or less everything, weve just had to pay for our rings, honeymoon and registra fees. And the rest ie, the day & reception, photopgra[her, suits, TOG, BM dresses, my dress, chair covers and cake our parents have split it right down the middle and paid half each. I mean ive boughts bits and bobs like gifts for people, things that ive seen that i really wanted and bits like that. We never really set a budget as such, my parents just said they didnt want to go stupid and spend thousands and thousands, so we set a budget of about £7500, and inc eveything i think weve gone over by about £500. Were very lucky really, but from day one by dad said he wanted to help as much as possible as im his only daughter and neither of my brothers want to get married. Weve been very lucky.

    Smiley smile

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  • AmnesiaCustard
    Beginner June 2011
    AmnesiaCustard ·
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    We're paying for 100% ourselves. No arguments!

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  • Suzie&Karl
    Beginner January 2012
    Suzie&Karl ·
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    My parents are paying.

    We sat down and worked out how much everything was gonna cost and it ended up being what they'd put away so it was spot on.

    Anything over the budget we said we'd pay

    x

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  • a_white_izzy
    Beginner September 2011
    a_white_izzy ·
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    We have been very very lucky and my Dad and step mum sat down and told us they were going to give us the money for the wedding and told us extactly how much they were going to give. My mum has paid for my dress and lots of other bits for me (handbag, makeup, undreware etc) and my MIL2B is paying for the sweet station and the cake. We haven't had to pay for anything (which is a good job as we've had lots of bad luck this year and have lost lots of money) but we will be paying for half the honeymoon in Jan next year.

    I never imagined my Dad would give us the money he has, but aparently he's been saving £10 a week since I was little ?

    I think you definately need to sit down and find out what your budget is. You can't possibly know how much you can spend on things otherwise!! x

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  • A
    Beginner
    Angelika ·
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    We just asked our parents outright when we started planning whether and how much they would like to contribute, and we have been very lucky that both sides are very generously helping out. We are also paying for about a third of the costs as we would feel incredibly guilty about costing either side too much and we are in a position to be able to pay a good amount towards it. I think it's quite important early on to establish the exact amount each contributer can pay as that really helps with budgeting. We found that it was good to give everyone a tangible sense of what they were paying for, so broke down the budget across each area (e.g. flowers, DJ) and told each side exactly what they were paying for for us. My parents are paying for the venue and wedding breakfast (the bulk of our costs), we're paying for honeymoon, suits, all dresses and extra bits and bobs, and OH's parents are paying for car, DJ, evening food, church fees, photographer, flowers and invitations. We have treated our parents' money as if it is our own and have endeavored to keep costs down for them where we can, so we have not spent all that we were offered (guilt again!!) as we don't want the day to cost a fortune for anyone.

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  • gsijane
    Beginner September 2011
    gsijane ·
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    We're lucky my mum and dad gave us a fixed figure, and OH's mum and dad gave us another fixed figure, so we've set out our budget to that and if anything goes over then we will add to the amount!

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  • moonpie1985
    Beginner July 2012
    moonpie1985 ·
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    My parents have offered to help pay for the wedding, but we have declined as they have already helped us out so much in the past.

    Sometimes I wish they were helping when we are struggling to afford what we really want.

    But if they were helping us out, I would feel so guilty with any personal spending I do on myself.

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  • LoveSka
    Beginner October 2011
    LoveSka ·
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    OH and me are paying ourselves, , ,

    But then again we are in our 40s, , , ?

    xx

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  • Random Name
    Random Name ·
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    We budgeted to pay ourselves. My parents have offered to pay for the invites, evening reception and to put some money behind the bar. Which we are very grateful for.

    In regards to your situation I would maybe ask for a rough figure so that you can plan accordingly. It can be a bit uncomfortable to have a discussion about money but if you have no idea then you cant plan accordingly

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  • jaijai85
    Beginner October 2015
    jaijai85 ·
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    We are paying for everything ourselves. it was our choice to get married and its our choices for the day. dont see why anyone else should have to pay for that!!

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  • lilrach22
    Beginner July 2012
    lilrach22 ·
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    My mums never been too good with saving she was a single parent so not much money going spare over the years! she is however paying for my dress and my H2Bs dad is helping us out by supplying his lovely car and driving me to the wedding! my auntie has offered to pay for my flowers and my litle bridesmaids mums have offered to buy their dresses! but if you sit down with your mum and outline a budget not only will you know what you can afford to spend on and what you need to save on you may then be able to put a little extra towards something you really want if needs be!

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