Personal Question for all those already married...NO OFFENCE INTENDED! :)

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Hey, my friend recently got married and had about 100 ish guests and got about £2000.x

*will keep an eye on this thread as had been wondering similar but was too embarrassed to ask*!

WE asked for vouchers and i would say our family are average earners lol

we got approx £50 to 100 from the day people then the evening guest it was around £20-£30 We got about £4000 in total

xx

Think this is a how long is apiece of string answer. All guests are different so I don't think you guesstimate how much you will recieve.

My friend got married about 18 months ago. She asked for cash and from her circa 115 guests got over £5k.

It probably depends on how close people are to you whether they are family or friends. I gave my cousins daughter £200 however they are the part of my family I am closest to. Despite having a gift list not including parents we probably had £700-£800 in money this despite most people buying us parents.

Beaware that some people will still prefer to buy a present.

I'm with Sherrie on this one ... how long is a piece of string!! We got mostly vouchers (although did get some lovely gifts too ...) but there was no way of guessing who would give what - some folk gave a lot more than we'd have ever expected and we were bowled over by it, and some (like the ex-FIL) didn't get us anything (voucher or gift, not even a card!) so ...

Thank you to those that have responded! I guess its not so much how much to expect as know what i am expecting form different people, depending on their relationship with us. I guess what i want to know is how realistic it is to expect that in the current climate.

Have those who have been married recently been "pleased" with the turn out or disppointed? Money is tight for most nowadays and i just wondered if people are making cut backs when it comes to donating and giving gifts...???

That way i can be prepared!

LOL @ SammyJay...glad i could be of assistance!

I personally was just happy to have my friends & family with me on the day, whether I recieved a gift or not was by the by.

I would only be disappointed if people didnt turn up-if they come empty handed i really dont care, i dont see how receiving a sum of money of any amount would ever be 'disappointing?!!'

Again its all down to peoples situations and takes on how important money is! One guest who might have thought 'I'll give £100 from the bank account' might now think 'I'll give £100 from the credit card' and worry about it later, but another guess might think 'I can only afford £50 out of the account at the moment'....

I think you're best to stop trying to be prepared and just wait and see what happens - thats all part and parcel of the fun of getting wedding gifts, whether its financial or otherwise!

I'm thinking of it in terms of what I can afford to give. For a friend or distant relative, I probably can't afford more than about £30 at the moment. I'd scrimp and save a bit more for a close relative or best friend, but in terms of MY wedding, the people that close to me are helping out with the wedding itself so I'm not "expecting" (as if you ever expect gifts anyway, lol) gifts from them.

If I was one of your guests I would be offended if I read this and knew these were your thoughts about what i was to give you

Why would you!

People say on here ALL the time that they dont expect people to come with a presant/money etc but REALLY?

Id be pretty p!ssed off if someone turned up to my wedding without bringing a presant - i would NEVER go to a wedding without a gift of some sort.

To answer the OP question we got around £5,000 for our wedding

I must admit and I dont know if anyone else has thought this but it is a bit mercenary wondering how much money you are going to make out of people when they are coming to celebrate such a special day.

Dont get me wrong, we too are asking for help towards our honeymoon but if we get nothing then thats ok too as I dont expect anything from anyone, I would rather have them there to see us marry than taking money out of their pockets.

We too have asked for cash or vouchers and me and my OH actually had a conversation about this last night.

We've both said we don't really care how much people give, i'd be happy with a tenner and a nice card to keep in my wedding box.

Like Shoey said i'd expect something from my guests, lol, but as long as they've enjoyed the day then a tenner will do.

In answer to the OP you can't even begin to guess how much your going to get, everyone has a different idea of what's generous and what's not.

I agree with this, I'd never go to a wedding without a gift and would find it rude of people if they didn't even give us a token gift of some sort unless I knew they were in a really bad situation.

I think its only natural to day dream and ponder on what you may receive, has no one ever wondered what gifts they'd get for a birthday or Christmas, wondering about your wedding gifts is no different!

As I'm not married yet I can't answer the original question though!!

because the op seems more concerned about whether she will be able to get a brand new car out of her guests or not and worrying if the current climate will mean she gets less.....i just think it totally defeats the object!

and yes we have put no gifts on our invite-because believe it or not we really do not want or expect any gifts!!we would not be p"ssed off if people turned up empty handed at all because that to us, is not what the day is about.

We put in small print at the very back of our invitation pack

"The biggest and most enjoyable present you could give either of us is your attendance at our special day. However if you would like to contribute to either our deposit for a house or some Argos vouchers to help us furnish it once we get it, we will be delighted to accept your gift."

I'm not "concerned" about whether or not i'll get a new car, it was more of a musing i was having regarding whether or not after the wedding we could afford to buy one. Like i said initially, i wasn't intending to offend anyone and i never asked anyone who wasnt comfortable to share their thoughts. I'm having a very large (250) wedding with mostly my family and i do expect them to bring a gift of some sort, not because i'm selfish but because its a cultural thing. As West Indians, monetary gifts are always given at a wedding and my musing wasnt so much how much we'd get but if anyone had experienced wedding gift drought in light of the recent economic downturn. I would never go to a wedding empty handed and wouldnt expect my family members to do that to me and i'm pretty sure none of them would be offended by me saying so!

Are you honestly saying you expect people to rock up empty handed and you would be ok with that?

Not sure if you were asking me or Amethyst76 that question but for me, I'd probably wonder why they didn't bring anything, but certainly wouldn't be frisking them at the door to see what fell out of their pockets or have a 'minimum attendance' gift.

The whole 'gifts at weddings' thing is an absolute etiquettical (is that a word?) nightmare that drives me bonkers! One thing says you shouldn't expect gifts but another says everyone expects to bring a gift, then there's the question of putting lists in with invites or not, etc etc...

I agree with you AJ, of course it would be nice to receive a gift at your wedding but if it didnt happen then thats ok too, unfortunately our family have never been financially well off and if they couldnt afford to give anything thats fine. I do agree with others too that you wonder what you may be given but I certainly wouldnt wonder how much I will get at the end of the day, thats just awful... but thats just my opinion.

We also have to take into account too that most people are travelling several hours to our wedding, and some are choosing to stay over which is an extra cost - plus my mum's sister and her husband if they come will be flying in from Spain!

In an ideal world we'd receive enough for a deposit on a house but as that means about £150 per head (including children) I honestly can't see that happening. But, we'd be grateful for anything given as long as people actually bothered to read that section and we don't end up with 15 toasters.

yes absolutely! which is why we put it on the invite!! i have a couple friends and family with little money and i know what a huge effort it is for them to come, to be honest that in itself is priceless and they have no idea what it means to us.

i would never sit at the end of the wedding and feel p!ssed off that people had not bought us anything i would feel ashamed of myself if i ever felt that way

you have not offended me and i was just giving my opinion...asking for gifts/money/vouchers is one thing but to try and guess how much you are likely to get and wonder if you might be disappointed in the amount seems to me a little cold tbh.

Woe betide anyone who doesn't get us a card! They will be in my bad books. I LOVE cards!

*is a stationery freak!*

I would rather get cards with nice messages in them than anything else-every year my daughter says what do you want for xmas/birthday/mothers day and i always say make me a card with a poem inside-i have loads of them and love them!!

He he! Mr CB is RUBBISH with that sort of thing usually. I'm not expecting a note from my future husband on the morning of the wedding.

I've got no idea about my family either. Hmmmm.

New doesn't have too mean "forecourt brand spanking new" surely. To some a new car, I am sure, could equally be a car that was a few years older but new to you!

Personally I think it would be pretty bad form not to make some kind of gesture, monetry or otherwise. I would not dream of sending one of my children to a birthday party for instance without some kind of gift.

This doesn't mean to say I would lynch any empty handed guests, certainly not. And I also am not expecting grand getsures, a bottle of wine and there company would be lovely. surely though, it is simply good manners to give something in order to mark the occasion. However inexpensive/expensive this is down to the guest.

Again, you've misunderstood me! I'm not saying that I'd be disappointed if we never recieved a lot of money but as mentioned previously it is customary to recieve monetary gifts at a West Indian wedding, my fiance is Nigerian and traditionally they pin money to the Bride and anything less than a certain amount is considered disrespecful to the Bridal Parties' families!!!

Now i'm not about to sit down and make a spreadsheet of what i'm expecting or get annoyed that i didnt recieve a certain amount but i find nothing wrong with being hopeful that i will recieve gifts. If i dont recieve generous donations then its not gonig to ruin my wedding day but i am expecting people to donate as thats what they'll do according to custom. To say that you think its wrong for people to expect gifts or money on their wedding day hints at a lack of cultural understanding...there are many cultures and religions where gift giving plays a LARGE part of the wedding day and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion!