Personal Question for all those already married...NO OFFENCE INTENDED! :)

I WISH!!! No way! Anything newer than the rustbucket that gets us around right now is a bonus!

I got married in September. We asked just for money as we have lived together for 5 years. We got £1300 in cash, a couple of hundred in vouchers. A few people bought gifts and we ended up with numerous bottles of Champagne, (our fridge looks great.)

The only disappointment for us was FIL. He didn't get us anything, no card, didn't even congratulate us. Refused to be in the pictures left immediatley after the meal and speeches without saying goodbye and therefore missed the cake cutting and first dance.

I think alot of it depends on who your guests are. About 60% of ours are in their early to mid 20s, just buying houses etc so money isn't as easy to come across. Then the slighlty more mature guests bowled us over with their generousity.

In that case then you are surely in the best position to answer your own question - just roughly multiply the number of guests (or couples would probably be more accurate as people give gifts/ money as a unit) by the minimum amount considered appropriate. We don't know how much is considered disrespectful, and we don't know your families, so not sure how much we can help to be honest.

I would be annoyed if someone turned up to my wedding without bringing a gift just like i would never dream of going to someone elses with out buying something, I dont think its being spoilt i think its more of a manners thing to take a gift!

I was merely using the customary tradition to show how gift giving works in other traditions and religions! Like i said before i wasn't asking for exact amounts, just what people felt in terms of gift giving and donations with things being the way they are now in terms of the recession/credit crunch/govt cut backs etc...

Yes but you said most of your guests are family... so you can do a rough estimate of amounts surely based on traditional West Indian customs?

I don't think there's anything wrong with your question, it's just that if it is really considered disrespectful to give below a certain amount then people won't do that I wouldn't have thought - unless they were having real financial problems, in which case you will probably be aware that something is wrong (e.g. if someone has lost their job recently or something).

As a guest at weddings, I can say that the current issues with the economy haven't altered the amount I spend on a gift for the couple.

this to me sounds cold!

I'm the same, if i knew i had a wedding coming up and i was a bit short on the cash front i would either cut back on other things on put money aside for a month or two.

I'm a card fiend as well and I'd probably be more peed off if a guest didn't bring a card than if they didn't bring a gift. The same with the guest book as well - there's no reason why anyone who comes to our wedding shouldn't sign it, so I'll be annoyed if people don't.

My friends got married recently they had approx 100 guests and recieved over £2k in money and vouchers - she was blown away by people's generosity!

The gift thing is a funny one - we're not asking for any and I wouldn't be upset if someone didn't buy us one (though I would expect a card!) yet I'd never go to a wedding empty handed.

We received the following (just writing thank yous so have it to hand!) :

£830 cash

£880 Thomas Cook contributions

£650 Debenhams Vouchers

£75 John Lewis Vouchers

£20 Argos Voucher

And a few presents....we had approx 120 guests over the day, some were only evening guests but everyone gave something! x

Well, well, well I love a good debate!! hehe

We haven't put anything about gifts in our invites because we didn't want to appear rude. We are not getting married for presents. We are not inviting 150 people so that we get 150 presents. My family aren't well off and I know that half of mine are saving up just to buy new outfits so I certainly don't EXPECT gifts. Having said that, if I'm being completely honest, I think I would be pretty pissed off if I didn't get any on the day. But if we don't get any, we don't get any, we are inviting these people because we enjoy their company and want a bl00dy good knees up with our nearest and dearest!!!I think its two different things to want presents and expect presents!! I want them, but I dont expect them!!! I would love to get a few hundred quid to spend on honeymoon, but if we don't then we don't, Im not expecting it!!!

I agree with some of the others though, one of the girls in the office got married this year and we all put together at work for her gift. When I turned up on the night I still took her an extra gift, I just wouldn't feel right turning up without anything!!!

The card thing is important. I did make a point to mum and dad at Christmas that they hadn't got me a Christmas card - they did buy a present, but forgot about cards because they thought that as we're family, we don't need to send cards..! (Typical Yorkshire behaviour.. ? )

We did exchange thank you cards, however.

Money, I think, is a cultural thing. Greek/Spanish weddings are very much into money (you wouldn't dream of turning up to a Spanish wedding without giving at least 200 EUR each to the couple), but us Brits hate discussing money, it's part of our DNA.

Back at a wedding I went to in 2008, I was a bit on the poor side and selected to give 50GBP vouchers from the gift list as I guessed that my friends would prefer to pick something out of their own. Nowaways, I would spend a more on the grounds that I'm more financially secure.

To be honest, for me and H2B, we're not bothered if guests bring a card or a present. We're just happy that the people we've invited come along and share our happiness with us.

To those who object to the thread - this IS the one place where we can ask this sort of stuff, surely? Are you seriously telling me not even once have you thought "I wonder if anyone will get us a x, y or z as a wedding present?"? I've pondered what people will do for us and I've discussed it with MIL and my mother. Originally we wanted to set up a charity donation fund, but MIL and my mum both said people on the whole would rather buy a gift for the couple anyway. So then we've had to consider whether to register for gifts somewhere, or whether to ask for vouchers, or contributions to a honeymoon fund. And yeah, questions of estimated amounts have floated about momentarily in our minds.

There is no polite way to ask about money, but this forum is designed for all those niggling little questions you either can't get answers to elsewhere, or just daren't ask!

Lively debate. Love it!

Not married yet but am in same position as most couples in that we already have house etc

We will (when the invitations are finaly decided upon) be asking if any one wants to give a gift then money towards our honeymoon would be apreciated.

I have been joking at work this may mean a weekend in blackpool

Coming from an asian background family normaly give gold and lots of money or expensive presents to set up the new couple in their new life, wether they are well off or not. With me marrying a non muslim things are pretty bad family wise. So Im definatly not expecting anything like that...I would hope at they very least I'd get a token gesture though, this would mean alot to me. But I doubt it.

We didnt ask for gifts at all.

I think we got about £600 in cash and about £250 in vouchers for various stores.

gifts recieved; dinner set, clock, photoframes, bookends, wooden decorative bowl, pizza stone, frying pan, tea pot, knife set, canteen of cutlery, towels and bed linen and a kick-asss BBQ

I think we did bloody well!!

i think I'd say to the OP; dont get your hopes up and dont set your sights on anything. Just be grateful for what you recieve

I've turned up at a wedding without a gift as requested by the bride. I believed her when she said she really didn't want a gift and our presence meant much more (due to travelling and actually never meeting the couple beforehand), maybe I was a bit silly in believing her ? but maybe I'll ask her!

I also had guests come to my wedding who didn't bring a gift and I wasn't offended, upset or disappointed and in fact I liked that they hadn't felt obliged.

I have no idea how much money we were given but that's more due to the fact I had a note of all the gifts for thank you cards and then my laptop broke losing all documents.

Some people really left us speechless at their presents.

Threads like this will always create a good old debate. Since you've mentioned culture playing a big part then I don't really understand what this thread was going to achieve as it sounds like what I might consider an appropriate present isn't what is a norm for your culture.

x

I do not see any thing wong with the original post she was meerly asking for an opinon if people think that guests would give less a gift in the current climate, I really dont think that a big debate is called for, if you do not want to give a positive answer maybe you should not respond.

I think the problem is with forums sometimes things can be taken the wrong way, but this should be a place where we can ask questions without wondering what response we are going to get, Why don't we try to all support each other and help when we can rather than try and pick fault with people or members will not want to post questions, and can be off putting.

The thing with Hitched is that we aren't all fluffy posters and it's good sometimes to see other peoples opinions, it is after all a public open forum and therefore people will have different views.

This isn't a big debate by Hitched standards at all!

Yes I meant it and am glad you believed me and didn't bring anything ? (Anyway, you did bring something - a gorgeous PrettyWild card which I was over the moon with).

Hehe I so knew you'd find this thread!

WOW i do love it when a post kinda spirals out of control. In answer to OP I have not had my wedding yet so have no idea what we will get.

What I do know is that we have included that we dont expect presents and we mean it, however having already been asked what we would like despite the invites not going out yet so have opened a list up as well. I agree with other that what i really want are cards more than anything. We have pretty much everything we need and yes of course it would be nice to have new glasses or new bed linen but not fussed either way.

As for guests turning up without present i have done it. My friends are dotted around the country and for 2 years me and OH were living off my part time wages and nothing else for us to get to a wedding, stay somewhere and get a gift was just not possible. My friends were aware and as far as i know none of them were annoyed by the fact that we didnt get them anything. Personally i would be slightly annoyed if any of my friends felt that i had to give a gift.

Love to see one that is then! lol

I am certainly not objecting to the thread or trying to start a debate just giving my opinion...but yes i can seriously, hand on heart say i have not once thought what anyone will buy us, we have asked for no gifts and therefore not expecting any...i really dont care about getting presents, money vouchers oe anything-its just not us

If you want to see a big debate just ask how much is your budget he he he he

tee hee or if you are getting your oh's name tattooed on you!!

Not suggesting we should all be fluffy posters and agree good to get others opinions but just maybe think about others feeling's before we post ?

I think if the original poster had gone round with a notebook and pen going to all her loved ones "now, we would just love to see you at the wedding, but how much cash cash are you giving us eh?" it would have been perceived as slightly cheeky. But asking about it on here or thinking about it? Nothing wrong with that. Personally I havent much thought about it but only because my mind is totally clouded by stationery and favours. I'm sure I'll come round to obsessing about this!

Now the person who posted about asking for dosh BEFORE the abroad wedding that she wasnt inviting everyone to.... that was cheeky!

You did do well Teehee!

I do love a controversial thread! As others have said, if you can't ask it here, where can you??

In all honesty, I'm really hoping people don't buy physical gifts for us like Teehee was given, as we live in a flat with no room to spare all ready! I think I would have a meltdown if I had to find space for any more 'stuff'!

To answer the OP, I haven't altered how much I give at weddings, despite the rising costs of living.

ETA: I also always either give cash or vouchers. If there is a gift list at a particular store, I always buy vouchers from that store instead. If not, it's cash. That way I can give the exact amount that I wish to.

Hi all,

I'm glad that i asked the question and i did get the opinions and responses that i wanted and i thank those who chose to respond.

I've seen, many a time, debates that have spiralled and it REALLY wasnt my intention with this question!! I'm not about the gift giving or seeing what i can get from the wedding but i'm allowed to dream and also speak freely in what i feel is a open forum...

I'm glad that everyone has a opinion on the matter and it's been interesting to read others thoughts. Long may the debates and opinionated posts continue!