Please Very honest opinions required..

My first thoughts were NO NO NO don't do it! I can just picture myself opening an invitation from a distant cousin or something and seeing them asking me to pay for my own meal.... I wouldnt go!

But....... if you are only have a small wedding with just close freinds and family then that could be a different story. I suppose if my brother or someone close suggested it then I wouldn't be so against it.

Have no idea how you could ask them politely though, I cringe at the thought of giving my guests a gift list as I feel even that is cheeky! ?

I don't think I've helped you much but didnt want to r&r

Personally I wouldn't, and would be a bit miffed if I received and invite for a 'buy your own' meal. In fact my BIL recently went to a wedding in Vegas where guests were expected to buy their own meal and the guests were a bit peeved about it to say the least.

I think you are better off inviting less people or skipping the formal wedding breakfast and having a buffet style meal.

By all means ask people for cash, which you can then use as you please. The majority of the cash gifts we received were much less than the cost of their meal though.

That is what i thought, but it is people who we are close too nobody distant and it is only about £30 each on the place and date we are looking at. The only way i would feel okay with it is to maybe say something like ' we already have everythin blah blah but would appreciate any contributions towards the food' but make it optional. i dont knooowww! ood idea in theory but i dont know if i can do it!

I wouldnt go to a wedding if i had to pay for it. I would see it as buying a ticket. Why not have a later wedding to save the amount of food you need to feed your guests or a non saturday wedding. I sure people will understand about the presents, you could always suggest cash or vouchers if guests ask you what you want. I dont like gift lists or money poems so make it word of mouth rather than written down iycwim.

However little you spend on your day just remember the end result. No matter what it will be one of the best days of your life. x

Hey Smoo.

I went to a wedding last year where we paid for our own meals. Couple really had no money at all and no-one minded. Our wedding present to them was for me to decorate the tables and reception room.

My OH has known them most of his life (they have been together 25 years) and no-one there minded at all. They had a small number of day guests (about 30) I guess some might not agree but the other option like Sarah-Kay said would be to do a money poem and do a buffet getting food from Costco or similar? Have you thought about a BBQ/ Hog Roast?

Sandwiches/ fish and chips etc would be something fun if you theme your day right and it would cut costs.

HTH x

Its not something i would do, but i can usderstand the reasoning behind it, again in the same breath i think i would initially find it a tad cheeky if someone were to invite me to thier wedding and then say we have to pay for our own meal but thats probably because i just cant think of a tactfull way of aproaching the subject with people.

I feel we have been very lucky with our wedding as we are getting married having the reception etc all in the same place and the whole price for the venue including food canapes, wine, the bridal suite is less than £2000 for 50 people, they have also put 20 rooms aside at a reduced rate for our guests.

We got 10% off as we are getting married on a friday and also another 10% off for booking before the end of feb, also children under 4 eat free and those under 10 or 12 are half price.

Ive been a bit of a bargain hunter where my wedding is concerned as i also managed to get 10% off my wedding dress even though it wasnt included in the sale AND they chucked my shoes in free. My 3 BM dresses (1 adult), table and room decs (balloons scatter gems and feathers) my under-skirt, veil and tiara, the BM shoes and limo hire comes in at £580 for the lot

Another thing i did was go to wedding fairs in march april and say 'ok this is what i want we are getting married in August 2010 if i book now and pay a deposit can i have it at this years prices??' all but the band have honoured my request, mind you i never did ask them!! i just knew i wanted them so booked regardless!

It pays to shop around as im sure alot of you have found.

Good-luck girlies x x

Personally, I think it's rude to ask. Don't have a meal if you can't afford it, have the wedding and drinks afterwards if that's all you can afford, "ceremony and cocktails" could be quite cool and can be done quite cheaply and think guests would appreciate that more than parting for cash for what is ostensibly a day/party you're organising.

I think the ideas people have had, such as a later ceremony and a buffet are a better idea than asking guests to pay for their meal as a gift. I personally would be a bit put out if I was invited to a wedding and asked to buy my own meal, especially as often you pick one choice for all guests, so it may not to be everyone's tastes. I also like Beccy's idea of ceremony and cocktails, as it would be cheap but could be really classy and cool.

Hope that helps x

Personally, I wouldn't. I think if you are inviting them to share your special day, why should they have to pay?

You could ask them for money contributions as your gift list and put that towards the cost of the wedding, just means you have the initial outlay first.

Just my opinion tho.

I have to say, if a close family member (brother) or one of my close friends asked me to go to their wedding and pay for my own meal, I'd still go - without hesitation.

I understand the pressures of costs and personally think the amount weddings can cost is a disgrace (my opinion). I love my friends and family and couldn't not go to their wedding - they ask me to meals for their birthdays and I don't expect to have the meal paid for so why do we always think you should for a wedding...?

However, I also believe that whatever your budget - you can have a fabulous day. Weddings (in my opinion) are becoming and afair of "keeping up with the Jones'" and half the things in a "bog standard" wedding aren't needed. It's about getting married to the man you love and celebrating with the people you want. My advise would be to think about what's important in your day and see what you can find.

Me and D always said we'd get married somewhere nice (i.e. not a registry office) and then have a reception in a pub. We wanted to give our friends and family and fun and relaxed day. We've since changed venues and are getting married somewhere quite "wow" but it doesn't come with the "wow" price - it's costing less than the hotel our friends got married in last year...

At the end of the day it's down to what's right for you...

WSS. no no no it's rude. appreciate the reasons why you want to do it, but it's also rude to ask people to contribute to something which is, essentially, beyond your means. by all means, ask for money as a wedding gift (but cripes, not in a money poem - they are too cringeworthy for words) and then put that towards the cost of the wedding, but asking for people to contribute is EXACTLY like asking for them to buy a ticket to your wedding.

Thankyou for your opinions. TBH i wish the MIL2be had never suggested it, its stressing me out and she kind of cant understand why i dont think its good idea and keeps banging on about it. Btw if i did do it, id never make it like a compulsory thing, id just ask for a cash donation instead of a gift to put towards the meal..

Darnit bluewater I was going to do a wee ditty asking for contributions towards our HM (experiences/ vouchers) but after having a look on google I now thing they are waaay too twee for my liking. One of them included the line "More than just kisses so far we've shared" - ick! Can you imagine sending a poem like that to your Great Aunt Ethel?

Maybe I'm just reading it wrong....?!

i can't see what you've quoted!

i DARE you to put a thread up saying 'i've been thinking about asking for money, and found this CUTE little poem, isn't it FABulous!!!!!'.

i DARE you.

(oh please do, so we can see 1, who the twee ones are, 2, so we can see what sort of twee nonsense people can find, 3 to liven things up!)

Hahahhaa but people will only think I'm more lame than they already do!! We shall see Bluey... we shall see!

Wah ha ? oh yes, please do... it will distract me from having to fold my napkins... dullsville!

............ ?

Like most of the others I don't think it would be a good idea. Like Sarah-Kay said, you could have a buffet style dinner and ask guests for money as gifts which will go towards paying for the food. At least you'll be able to cover a percentage of the food bill by doing this without upsetting any of the guests.

I wouldn't be keen on going to a wedding if I had to pay for my meal this is mainly due to the fact that I think weddings are quite expensive for guests too by the time they buy outfits, presents, get themselves there and pay the venue alcohol prices- paying for a meal on top of everything else might be a bit much. That said, if it was a good friend I'd probably still go.

I don't think I would do it personally but then I'm asking the Bridesmaids to buy their own dresses so I'm not 1 to judge. My friend's brother got married this summer and they gave each guest a linen bag with a special label on it and asked everyone to bring some food. Apparently they had a fantastic picnic/BBQ & as far as I know no one was offended by being asked to bring food along.

Maybe you could try something similar?

Personally, its my wedding and I will pay for it, what I cant afford I wont have. I would be insulted if someone asked me to pay at a wedding. My sister recently drove to a wedding from East Sussex to Wales (and their family), paid two nights in a hotel, organised child care for their four children (as they werent invited), when they got there they found out they werent even invited to the wedding breakfast, ceremony and evening do only. My sister was livid and said she never would have gone.

Sorry, just my view.

To be honest if it were my family or one of my best friends i wouldnt mind, especially if i then wasnt going to buy a present from a list or anything. i always find it too difficult trying to pick a gift for other people, or not being a pure cheapskate by getting the cheapest thing on the list (which, by the time i get around to it, is about £200!)... and the money thing - how much do you give??? ?

i think the idea of having a ceremony late afternoon then a bbq, buffet or hog roast sounds great - it is exactly what i was trying to organise for my own wedding. unfortunately where i stay there are only a few places you can hire for a venue and do your own catering and they are manky, dusty old town halls. the nice hotels etc round here with function halls to hire are too greedy for money and refuse to let you arrange your own catering. minumum prices are about £50 per head for a meal (v.basic) and the drinks packages are a joke. they also insist on minimum numbers so you end up paying for 60 even if you only have 30 or so! anyway - rant over, that what i get for living in the back of beyond!!!

Even a nice pub with a wee garden would be ideal for a bbq if you know you can get the weather.

In the end i decided to go for the completely stress free (and cheaper) option of going to gretna with a handful of close friends and family then having a party the day after we get back with everyone else! the buffet prices for the function suite are still sky high compared to what i could get if i hired my own caterers but its either a nice function venue or the flippin scout hut....ultimately i could have just gone to the local registry office then party later on but i liked the novelty idea of getting married at gretna and despite not having a big budget i still want my wedding day to be special!!!

Good luck!

I don't have much of a wedding budget and to be honest thats the way I like it, so for my reception I'm having it at a local social club, it's free. We're getting the fish and chip shop across the road to cater it's £5 a head. My friend who also had a non existant budget she had a bbq at home with close family and friends.

Good luck!

I could not ask my guests to pay- they are not delegates or visitors or attendees...they are our guests- which IMO means we treat them. What me and my OH did was think seriously about what we could afford and we are having 9 guests in total. This is really small and not for everyone I know. We are also having a really spectacular meal in an amazing venue, but it's under £20 per head because instead of hiring for exclusive use we have arranged our wedding during one of their Christmas lunches. Given the venue it will be familes and couples rather than boozy office groups so it will still be wonderful. Particularly as I am having the venue of my dreams- just in a creative way which suits us.

Instead of issuing 'tickets' or however your MIL2B would suggest, why not review your guest list, your venue requirements etc.

I promise you you can have a really great day if you step away from convention and think about what is really important.

We are asking people to pay for their own meals but we are just having a registry office ceremony then going to a local restaurant rather than booking a venue. This way, it doesnt feel like we have to pay as they can choose their own food and own spending limit. If they just want a burger or a salad then thats up to them. Not having an evening reception just going for a drink in York with whoever chooses to stay out with us as its New Years Eve, think it will be lovely to be stood outside the minster at 12:00 watching the fireworks in my wedding dress.

We dont have a big budget and are paying for everything else ourselves and not expecting any wedding gifts. And it is only close family and a couple of close friends.

Hiya, personally I wouldnt have the balls to ask everyone to pay for their own meals, but I would do this if possible; change the time of the ceremony to later in the afternoon and have a bbq/buffet for tea?

Let us know what you decide to do?

X

Yorkshire - that will be lovely!!

i think what you are doing is fine, and most people will be totally understanding - we are in the middle of a credit crunch after all!!!

its YOUR day - do it YOUR way and as long as you are happy thats all that matters!!

plus - its new years eve, everyone will be in the party mood and your H2B will NEVER forget your anniversary! very clever!!! i knew we were going to have our ceremony on a thursday so we could come home and have a big party on the saturday - i was offered the 1st of April..... and considered it! that way he couldnt possible forget, right?

To be honest i think its rude. i know people think 'why should i pay for other people to see me get married' but its just the done thing.

If you can't afford the per head meal, think about doing it later in the day and having just an evening type do with maybe a buffet or hog roast and cake for desert. Much easier.