Post traumatic stress disorder

Massive hugs SLD. I can only mirror what everyone else has said ?

Morning all and thanks so much for your messages - and for sharing some of your experiences too - it means a lot. I've just constructued this life that I'm not really happy with that doesn't serve me or really touch on what I might need or want - I think it's been about proving to people that I'm cool with everything that has happened and that I'm a battler. Truth is we all need support from time to time and we are all entitled to it, I just thought that I wasn't for such a long time.

I don't think I am depressed - confused certainly! - although I'm not very happy, but I think that's different and some of it stems from guilt. I feel guilty that I have let it get to this stage, I feel guilty that I have worried other people and I feel guilty that my ways of protecting myself have hurt other people and my relationships with them. I feel guilty that other people go through worse things than me and handle it better and I feel guilty that asking for help makes me burdensome. I think a lot of this is about giving myself permission to say "Look lots of crappy stuff has happened and my coping mechanism has never matured because the onslaught kept coming and I was trying to grow up and be strong without admitting to any weakness". My Dad emailed me this morning to say he has been having a long hard think over things (he's a star) and he thinks I have been a parent to everyone around me, I thought he was being a bit over-dramatic until I read this: "You have had to cope with the following things in your lifetime and from a young age: 19 close bereavements, 2 fatal car accidents, 2 suicides, 2 divorces, 1 affair, 10-year bi-polar sister's: suicide attempts, rape, alcoholism and drug addiction. Not only that but you're the go-to person that others rely on, so there's bound to be more that I don't know about. Bloody hell I even *** to you about the golf scores! It all adds up".

That's quite a lot when it's written down I guess? I hadn't realise there was quite so much in all honesty. I guess we'll do quite a lot of talking this weekend - I'm going to try and take Monday off work so I get to spend three days with my parents. I'm not moving back to Wales - well not yet anyway - with my job we're on a timeline down to a project that finishes in October, so it should just be a case of getting my head down for three months and then I can decide where my life is going to go. In the meantime I think it's counselling, sorting out my financial mess and making some plans for the end of the year. I do feel brighter already though - the best thing is knowing that I'm not a freak and that plenty of people go through the same thing.

Thank you, thank you, thank you xxxxx

Good luck buddy. You know where I am xx

Seconded my love. You deserve to be happy. Bless you, you were there for me when Dad died. You're one of the most amazing people I know!!

Be kind to yourself, it's your turn now. Much love xxx

SLD, I can't say anything more than what others have said so eloquently already. Best of luck with sorting everything out. Go home, chill, cry, sleep and come back at it slightly refreshed when you're ready. Here's to happier times ahead, things can only get better now you've realised what's wrong.

xx

? SLD it does sound as if you've had a hell of a lot to deal with. You are so far from being a weak person, you know that? You are funny, intelligent, articulate and all kinds of enviable things ?. Please take the time to get yourself better properly, even if it means taking time out of work.

SLD, hugely inadequate hugs to you. Hope everything falls into some kind of place soon xoxo

Hi SLD. I haven't been on here for some time, but I think that you were one of the people that gave me support and advice on here when I found out my ex was having an affair. Therefore, I offer you my support, but I don't really know what to say in advice, and I know there are many poeple better qualified than I am to give you advice, so I'll send you lots of hugs instead. ?

Kylie x

SLD, I can't believe I'm typing these words as I hate them normally, but I couldn't just read and run.

I know we've not really spoken before but I echo what every person on this thread has already said - you come across as a fabulously bright, witty and talented person and goodness knows this board has collectively rooted for you before (with TFB!) so I know that it definitely will do now. Reading what you've been through (from your dad's email), I can't believe you've made it this far without cracking - that certainly says an awful lot about your strength of character. I think I can "tick" about two things from that list and god only knows that was enough to deal with.

Take some time to be kind to yourself, and I hope this weekend is just the start of a road to better things ?

Oh SLD, i'm sorry you are going through this. ?

Your are strong, funny, warm, gorgeous, clever, bubbly and you will get better. ?

SLD, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope it all works out for you.

That said, I'm enormously grateful to have read your post - my lovely lovely friend is having nightly nightmares about when her ex- told her he was having an affair/when he finally left. It's been two years now. Poor love works so hard, but she carries these endless conversations with him in her head. I think it goes way back - she lost her Dad in an accident at about 11, has been in several emotionally abusive relationships and two which ere, I think, sexually abusive. She struggles on, but she needs some proper help, which I'm going to make sure she gets.

Thank you.

SLD, I can only echo what everybody else has said on this thread.

After reading what your dad says you most certainly do not come across as "weak" infact quite the opposite, i think i could probably "tick" off about 6/7 of that and believe me thats enough for me. You will get through it, and come out the other side a stronger, happier person.

Good luck ?

Ah thanks so much all, really everytime I look at this thread there's more and more kind words on it. I really appreciate it (sorry if I am sounding like a broken record). I am feeling better just for having got it off for my chest and although I'm not relishing the weeks, months (hopefully not years) ahead whilst I work this through, I know it really is all for the best. However upsetting it has to get before I start to feel in the right place again.

JK I'm so sorry to hear about your friend - I hope that things there start to work out - I can identify with the conversation thing. It's probably not a good thing that I can remember the exact words that my ex came out with when he admitted his affair either. That said, it was a rather British sitcom moment, so maybe it's the black humour that is memorable as opposed to me hanging on to it, but who knows, I'm sure I will find out. If it helps you are more than welcome to ask about things as I start to sort them out - maybe I will meet people who can help her too or just be someone to sympathise with how difficult the process is. If I can, then just let me know.

What would be great right now would be to know that in x amount of time things will be better, to know where I will be living and working and hopefully who I will be with in a relationship. However that type of magic doesn't exist so I'm going to have to remember how to dream about something that I really want again. Which mightn't be so bad, I just need to trust that I can get through this and I really am so damned determined to do that.

Thanks again xxx

SLD - we dont speak a lot but I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I have no real words of wisdom but from what I know about you, you are a very clever, outgoing and lovely person, and you will get through this, of that im 100% sure. I used to suffer from anxiety (to an extent I still do), and had trouble telling people about it too. Ive been having CBT for it because it still affects me, and the psychologist has said that a lot of it seems to be me worrying about everyone else. But CBT is working, and im sure it will for you as well, but give it, and yourself, time.

I have this little poem next to my bed and I look at it often:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I know it may be a bit cliche, and it doesn't have to be religious, but its something ive definitely taken on board as a way of living. there's some things you can change, there's other you can learn from and make you the person you are.

Anyway enough rambling. Please remember we are all here for you, and my invitation for you to come and spend a day in Bath still stands! e can go to the new Spa and chill out a bit ?

I think I have your email but it may have changed. If you want, please email me on *********@*******.***, and we can keep in touch, only as much as you want.

Take care of yourself

xxx

I dont 'know' you but like R-A said I too always tend to read your posts as you seem like a really interesting and funny person.

Take care of yourself SLD.