Problem with Dad... UPDATE (in case you're interested...!)

This might be me and my own issues with my father coming out, but I'd be incredibly firm and say no. It really isn't on to invite someone to your wedding. I would just be honest and explain your reasons, and at the VERY least, ask to meet her at least once before the wedding! If it was me, I wouldn't have her in wedding photos, but that's me. I guess the only way of nicely saying this is with gentle honesty, and be clear about your feelings. Good luck!!

Oh dear, this doesn't sound like a nice situation to be in.

Personally, I would not want anyone at my wedding that I hadn't met before unless they were family or I had at least spoken to them.

If your final numbers aren't in yet, you may still have some wiggle room for one person, do you have a friend or someone that could step in if he ends it before the wedding? Could you compromise and offer her an evening invite?

It is unreasonable for him to assume he has a plus one and invite this woman. All I can say is don't worry about it. If there's an empty chair on the day, then there's nothing you can do about it. Don't get yourself worked up over one guest, it's not worth your stress.

Sorry I don't have any better advice!

I think he's being a child about this. I'd tell him that you'll try. I would allow her to come for the evening to keep the peace.

Maybe you should point out that you have not met this lady so you cannot cancel on people you do know because of her.

Hope your chat with him goes ok!

Thanks everyone, I'm glad to see that you would feel the same too!

I think I'll go with the evening invite, that's fair isn't it? I mean, it's not like she'll be sat with him in the day, she'd have to make her own way to the venue as Dad would be in the wedding car with me etc. So they wouldn't really be spending any time together until the evening anyway.

I just can't believe him, what on earth was in his head haha?

I disagree, he is your father after all, not just a random bod expecting their partner to be invited and should be treated as an exception. Do you personally know every single 'other' that is coming to the wedding? with all due respect whomever your father decides to take up with is really none of anyone else's business. For me a wedding where family are invited is not just about the couple's needs, where possible, it is also about ensuring the people you love i.e. your family are happy and comfortable too.

I'm going to go against the grain a little here too. Firstly, has your mum got a partner to bring? If so, I expect your dad would like someone there for that reason alone. While it is difficult when parents are no longer together, you do need to think about being fair to them both.

He is your dad after all, and I would therefore expect him to bring a partner if he chose to but I would have invited him to bring a partner in the first place - even if that meant he brought a friend. Of course, I would extend the same courtesy to mum.

But looking at it cynically, if the chances are she won't be on the scene in a few months time anyway - then you might as well invite her and see what happens.

I'm going to go against the grain a little here too. Firstly, has your mum got a partner to bring? If so, I expect your dad would like someone there for that reason alone. While it is difficult when parents are no longer together, you do need to think about being fair to them both.

He is your dad after all, and I would therefore expect him to bring a partner if he chose to but I would have invited him to bring a partner in the first place - even if that meant he brought a friend. Of course, I would extend the same courtesy to mum.

But looking at it cynically, if the chances are she won't be on the scene in a few months time anyway - then you might as well invite her and see what happens.

It really irritates me how people just go and invite people without even asking first, they just seem to forget how much planning goes into making the day special and also the cost implications. I personally wouldn't want someone I don't know for the ceremony, or in the photo's.

I think you should offer her an evening invite ('IF' you have space), that would be more than fair considering you've never met her.

I don't know every single other guest at my wedding, you're right, but I'd be able to say hello if I met them in the street (OH's family or colleagues etc!)

Tbh, the fact that he just invited her without asking has pissed me off enough to be stubborn about this ? I'm hoping to have final numbers together by 1 August so I'll see how I feel closer to the time - some of you are much more laid back than I am ha ha!

I definitely do not want her on photos though, even if I do cave and invite her for the day. I don't think that's bridezilla-y, just practical? Maybe on a group shot or something

I had something very similar with my dad and i've just had to put my foot down about it, really. He has an on/off girlfriend who i do not get on with what so ever. I've said she can come to the nighttime if he wants, but i don't want her there through the day - we're having a small ceremony as it is and i've had to not invite friends so i;ll be damned if a person i cant bare is there over people i love.

Stand your ground, but try come to a compromise on the evening.

I would probably have her in the photos that your other guests are in but not in family pictures. Or have two versions taken, one with and one without her. Simply for practical reasons - that your dad's relationship track record makes it seem more likely for them to split up sooner or later.

I would invite her to the whole day - yes, it's annoying he didn't ask you before inviting her but I kind of agree with him that one person more or less shouldn't be too big a deal, unless you are literally at the max. capacity your venue will allow. Reason being that he is your dad, not just a random guest.

I have been in the situation where my OH's aunt and uncle usually babysit for their daughter and her husband (like, every day after school), and as we get married during the school holidays, and her hubs is being called up for his job in the RAF, they said, they would have to either bring the children or not be able to come to the wedding. We are having a very small wedding with 12 guests. We have been incredibly selective with who we invited, only people who we are very close to and feel absolutely comfortable around. Needless to say, that didn't go over well with me (OH was a bit more laid back and didn't really care). I have never met the children and our wedding is no babysitter club. Surely they can find alternative childcare within three months! If we had a big wedding I wouldn't care though (and they'd be invited then anyway), but we only have 12 guests and none of them are under the age of 30. Anyway, I did put my foot down and said they have to find alternative childcare. I actually find it completely out of order of their daughter (my OH's cousin, the children's mother) to expect them to bring the kids to our wedding. I'd never dream of asking that of anyone, I'd just find alternative childcare (she has 3 months to do that!).

I think your dad should at least have asked you beforehand, before jumping ahead and doing what he wants. There are all sort of things to consider e.g. how your mum and the rest of the family will feel. If your dad is going to be sat on the top table, where is his partner going to sit? For all you know, your dad's new partner might not want to go to your wedding, she might feel co-erced into it as that is what couples are supposed to do.

To show some willing, like others have said, perhaps extend an evening invite to her. Hopefully your Dad will be reasonable and see it is a good compromise.

Good luck!

Thanks for all your responses everyone, I think I've identified that the main thing that's annoyed me here is that he didn't ask. I'm very OCD and I like being in control of everything (and why shouldn't I be in control of my wedding day ha ha?!). Met Mum for lunch and she thinks I should invite her if we have the space, but make sure Dad knows she's going to be on her own for most of the day, with people she doesn't know, or who she will have known for four months tops. Let him know she won't be in the family photographs etc...

I'm still feeling a bit petulant about it so will take a few days to get over it before I bring it up with him ha ha

By the way, when my OH and I got engaged in January, my brother did ask me whether he could bring his new girlfriend to our wedding. I was really surprised at how brave that was - they would have to book her a flight from Germany (my family lives there), and they literally started dating the day we got engaged, don't think I would have done that so early into a relationship. I had never met her at that point, but I was fine with it (in fact it didn't occur to me to say no) - I told him if he wants to bring her, she is welcome. They split up a few weeks later (luckily before they booked any flights!), so now he is coming on his own, but I guess my point is he did ask whether it was okay with us.

Hi

I have a similar situation with my dad. Not only is he bringing his new 'girlfriend' to the wedding but also her 6 year old daughter, neither of whom I have met , lol!

It's still not really confirmed though and wedding is in 6 weeks but I have included them in the numbers and table plan and if they don't turn up then nobody will really worry and nor will I.

I don't know how much involvement your dad has in your wedding day as mine has none - he is just a guest (his choice) so perhaps it's easier for me but I would invite your dad's girlfriend to the whole day as otherwise it's not really fair on your dad to have to come on his own. Like you said, she may not be on the scene by then anyway and one person missing on a table won't matter.

Wait till Saturday as you will probably feel less angry about it by then and have chat with him ? Good luck x

I completely understand your anger and think your dad has been very rude but you need to find a solution that you can both move forward with. I think you need to find out how your dad thinks things will work if you do allow him to bring her. Where does he think she's going to sit etc. Does he understand that he will be busy and therefore will not have time to spend with her during the day?

I honestly think the best solution would be for her to come in the evening when your dad will have more time.

Tbh - if it had been me, he wouldn't be bringing her at all. Your daughters wedding is not the place to introduce your latest squeeze to the family.

I'm not inviting my mum's current OH and they've been together longer than this... however, it's been very on again/off again and he's been horrible to her in the past (emotionally), so I really don't want him there. My dad isn't with anyone and even my OH is backing me up on this, so I completely understand the idea to not want people you don't really know there, esp as she might try to creep into family photos! I feel like there was more of a point in there, but I'm mainly just showing my support for not (at least initially) wanting parents bringing 'plus ones', esp without inviting said people...