Problem with fiancée (best-friend) - Officially got engaged last week Friday!!

Firstly congratulations! Is there a particular reason he does not like you? If he does not like you & makes no effort to get on with you for his best friends sake, why on earth is your H2B picking him to be his best man?! I would discuss this with your partner. Maybe email the guy saying look we are getting married & i'd like it if we could at least be civil to each other! If it was me i would not have him as best man. It would make me feel very uncomfortble & you cant be made to feel like that on your wedding day!!

I agree - speak to H2B and organise a get together. Your H2B can't lose this friendship but it's also unfair for this 'friend' to just ignore you. I hope you work it out! I'm a bit honest and sometime blunt - I'd outright ask why he doesn't like you and go from there. Good luck.

If someone were to openly tell me they didn't like my husband, I'd tell them to do one.

If I insisted on having the someone as a major part of my wedding whilst knowing that they disliked my partner, I'd expect my partner to tell me to do one.

What the f*ck is your husband-to-be playing at? He knows about the issue. He must have to listen to his "best mate" gives reasons for his dislike. Why is he even entertaining this? He doesn't have to dump the friendship, but he DOES have to prioritise you in this life event!

Congratulations! thats lovely news!

It sounds to me a bit like he (Bestie) is upset that someone is 'stealing' his friend away and thinks he won't get any time with him any more and that you'll have him all the time (bit of a sulk really)

Mr Fiancee needs to sit him down and tell him that whislt they are still mates, you're the most important thing in his life, not him and that if he can't be happy then he should at least be civil to you.

I don;t feel YOU need to do anything! ?

Congratulations.

I wouldnt worry too much. It may be a bit of a jealosy thing where you are perceived to be stealing his best mate. T Rise above it, be nice, take the moral high ground and eventually he will get over it. Weddings and marriage do funy things to people, sometimes the very people you least expect to be 'odd' suddenly become so. Ultimately if you and your other half are happy thats all that counts.

How does your Fiance feel about it?

Actually, I disagree. There is no logical reason why the best man should like you, just because you're marrying his best mate, and in some ways I admire the fact that he feels he can be honest about his feelings. I think your OH is standing up for you in some ways, although not in words - he's not refusing to marry you, or asking you to get on with his mate. And the mate is still being the best man despite his feelings. It's one day - just one day that you have to put up with each other and after that - your OH and his bestie can still go out and have guy time in the same way that you will with your mates.

Of course, things would be much nicer if he did like you and you liked him but you can't force him to be your friend just because you're marrying his mate unfortunately. don't bother making an effort as such, but continue as you have been - be polite and talk to him nicely when you have to, and the rest of the time just forget his existence.

Congratulations & welcome to hitched!

This is a difficult one because I can understand that not all people can get along but it is a bit odd that Bestie Mate is being so vocal about his dislike for you. Normally as friend if you don't like you're mates BF/GF wouldn't you keep you mouth shut unless they broke up.

I would def have a word with Mr Man regarding his choice of Best Man because in my humble opinion the Best Man & Bridemaids should be chosen because they support you as a couple - I wouldn't feel comfortable having anyone in the wedding party ( family excluded - cos that's often a whole other issue) that doesn't support the marriage.

If Mr Man is insistent on having bestie mate as Best Man, would you feel comfortable meeting him on your own & airing out your issues? In theory, I can't imagine that in the wedding planning you would actually have much contact with him - the Best man doesn't tend to do much in the lead-up other than the Stag do, does he?

Another thought, Bestie mate might not even want to be Best Man if he's not your biggest fan but may not feel he can refuse the request since it's supposed to be an honour & all.

It tough having something like that dampen an otherwise happy occasion. xx

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I agree, there's no way your h2b can make his best mate like you, some people just don't get on, as long as you're civil to each other then there won't be a problem.

Congratulations!

I think the three of you need to have a chat about this. When I married my ex, his best man made it quite clear he wasn't happy for us, and as a result he avoided any involvement in the wedding except for turning up on the day and doing his speech. Thanks to his attitude, my ex didn't enjoy the run-up to the wedding at all, and I ended up resenting the fact that we'd made him such an important part of the wedding. You (as a couple) need to know what you can expect from him before and during the wedding, and he needs to understand that he is going to have to put his feelings to one side if he wants to take on this important role. Having said that, I don't understand why he (or my ex's mate) didn't just turn down the role if he can't be happy that his friend is getting married. I wouldn't be able to be a BM if I thought a friend was making a mistake, but maybe that's just me.

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I completely agree. I have no idea if any of my friends dislike my husband, nor do I know if any of his friends dislike me. I certainly know I don't like all of his mates and suspect he has similar feelings about some of mine.

The very clear issue for me is that the best mate in question has been open about his dislike of a particular person (OP) to that person's husband-to-be (who, as "best mate", is supposed to be someone whose feelings he cares about).

That - the open hostility, the disregard for the OP's partner's feelings, the willingness to be, let's face it, a b*tch about it - is what makes him a tw*t.

I mean, come on, who in the world says "I don't like him/her" (in the absence of aggravating factors, I'm assuming) when your best mate tells you s/he's getting married?

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I have no idea why he doens't like me..

It's just I guess one of those things in life, you just get a feeling off each other. You can't explain it but you both just don't like each other. Maybe there more but I don't know..

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I thought on those same line aswell, I need to meet him and just talk to him. True the best man doesn't really have any input in the wedding planning. The stag do, yeah he's gonna be all over that and of course he'll turn up on the day and smile for the pictures. I absolutely don't want him to do a speech and bare face lie to all my friends and family. What would be the point! He doesn't approve and at the end of the day I ain't marrying him.

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Absolutely this.

It's okay to not like each others friends, me and OH each have friends that the other isn't particularly fond of, BUT the idea of having someone stood by OH's side at the end of the aisle when they've openly told me they don't like me ?? err no, I'd hardly walk up the aisle with a smile on my face.

Thank you all for your messages.. I get the fact that not everyone get on with each other in the world.
But all I want is some respect.
You don't have to even like me, just don't walk over me and act like I don't exist when we go out.
I will make a time so we can meet and just lay everything out on the table, at least I've known I've tried again.
He has his own fiancée and moving on up in the world.
In some way I respect, that he has his life together.
I have nothing against him, honestly, its just his attitude towards me.
I'll keep ya'll updated.. Thanks for all your messages..

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I agree, he perhaps could have been more discrete about it and yes doing it so openly makes him an utter pr*t but, at the end of the day, the best way to deal with him is to be the bigger person - smile sweetly and be as nice as nice - then he shows himself up and even the OH should work it out

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Totally agree with this. Yes it is only one day and if you can be civil..fabulous. But what about the speech? I certainly wouldn't want someone who I know openly says they do not like me to stand up infront of all our friends and family and say something..or nothing - which may be the case...about me. At the end of the day, he doesn't know you.

On a lighter note...when reading the original post, did anyone else think of Love Actually? When Kiera Knightly's character finds herself in this same situation and it turns out the best man is really secretly in love with her?? this may well repulse you though OP!

Hopefully if you get a chance to talk it through openly it gets sorted out, what an awful situation xx

Oh and so sorry for my rudeness...congratulations!!! xx