Question for the parents here

I would never have thought of this in a million years when letting my child stay over at another childs house - perhaps I should really given an incident with my friends uncle when I stayed at hers but I guess I just assume it to be safe??

Definately food for thought.

Would i let my child stay the night with virtual strangers?

no - not in a million years - i am amazed you are surprised by it really

but perhaps i am overcautious

My oldest was to stay at his friends last year (he was 6) but didnt as he ended up breaking his arm in their garden. I know both parents and am very good friends with the mum.

In the situation you have described above it wouldnt bother me and I would let him stay over. Even if the dad didnt go to the school i would let him stay over

I agree to a certain extent, but I don't know if i'd say a straight out 'no'. I might speak to the father at school and get for a 'feel' for the situation I suppose. It's hard to say as MissSun is still only a toddler but if she wanted to go then I think I would try and find out more. I'm not surprised in this day and age that you've got 'no's' though. People are more cautious these days.

I'd let Ethan & Ysella stay at their friends' houses now (at 2 yrs and 15 months old) if it meant I'd get an uninterrupted night's sleep. However, seeing as at this age all of their friends are my friends' children, I guess it doesn't answer your question!

I would say certainly by 8 or 9 yrs old, though, regardless of whether I knew the father - so long as the mother was around and there were no 'issues' (thinking back to my childhood, my best friend's mother was an alcoholic and I was only ever allowed to stay there when her dad was home)

Could be the age of the children that is raising concern for the parents? When eldest was in year 6 (so age 10/11) she had 3 friends over no problem. Again the parents didn't know MrKB.

What a shame for the SD... I mean, really, how much effort would it take to introduce themselves to MrKB if knowing him is the only barrier to letting their children stay over?

Having said that, has he tried talking to them in the playground at all? Or do they all act like a bunch of chickens when a fox comes into the yard at there being a man there?

My daughter started going to them at 7 - i may have let her do it before then - but i think she would have been funny about being away overnight

really the not knowing the parents thing would be a major problem for me - if they dont know mr kb3 do they at least know you?

i wouldnt need to know both parents - but i would need to know enough about the set up that i was as sure as i could be that they would be safe to the standards i consider safe

[being very clear to state that I am not saying you are wrong in your approach - just different!]

Now this surprises me - opinion this strong that is. Boy1 is nine and has just been invited for his first sleep over. I know the mum in passing, certainly well enough to know her parenting style is very different to mine and she lets her son do things I wouldn't let mine do. However, I will be letting him go - and will be fretting all night!

LOL I'm loving that description Rachel, that is exactly what it's like! He'd happily say hello, he even went so far as to say the kids can come over for tea beforehand, but he doubts that would make a difference. We've made 'special' plans now for SD and her one friend who can stay over. I'm just curious as to whether it's normal or not.

Actually I've just remembered that one of the girls who wasn't allowed, had a party the other week. MrKB took her to the party, stayed for 5 mins or so, saying Hi to her parents, and again when he collected her.

Maybe her parents didn't like him ?

JaneyH, no they don't know me. I work full time and only ever make evening school events.

Ooh, I replied to this and hitched ate it. Anyway, what I said was:

If I were the parent of an invitee and didn't know the parents, I would make it my business to introduce myself and meet Mr KB, suss everything out for myself as it were, then all being well let my child attend the sleepover. However, whenever G was invited to a sleepover the parent has come and spoken to me first, I think this is probably a good idea.

Would I let my 9 year old child stay with strangers that I've never spoken to? No way jose.

Not a parent myself, but from when I was younger (am 24 now) None of my friends had sleepovers until year 6, and by that age my mum let me go, even if she didn't know the parents, although she would usually ring them (the parents) up for a chat first, so she got the feel of them.

Would this have anything to do with the ex kb3? they've obv. met her in the past and maybe she's put a few ideas into their heads. Shame for your SD though.

well - i probably am wrong - but i can only do the best i can do - and of course that isnt going to be the same as everyone else - i encourage them to do lots of things - and i try not to be too cottonwoolish

but i need to know that if i am not taking care of them they are with people who share some core values over safety - i dont want them scampering across roads, i dont want them in cars without car seats and i dont want them exposed to certain kinds of behaviour

it is a shame for KB3's stepdaughter - and if my child wanted to go i would probably make sure i took the time to get to know mr KB3 and her a bit first if there was time

As I have 4 boys, my perspective is probably slightly different, rightly or wrongly, to the viewpoint of mums to daughters. My oldest is 13 and probably had his first sleepover in year 5/6 I can't remember. If I didn't know the parent(s) I would either ask them to ring me if I couldn't catch them at school - some children are collected by childminders/grandparents, etc - or ring them beforehand just to check that things were kosher. I'm not sure what else I 'should' be doing, save going round to their house with a clipboard and a checklist of suitable questions ? I know this probably isn't a foolproof method but, being a bit of a realist, I think statistically, the chances of anything 'untoward' happening to my child in the home of one of his friends was pretty remote.

I can understand to a certain extent parents' trepidations about these things but sleepovers are part of growing up aren't they and should be enjoyed for what they are - a bit of pyjama fun with your mates trying to stay up as late as you can without getting caught ?

Like I say, my viewpoint is as a mother to boys and, if I had girls, my views would probably be a bit different.

You say alot of "apparently" and " he would talk to the parents" in your posts.

how do you know that this is the reason they aren't coming? if i didnt allow my child to stay over because of that then i would give another excuse to the parent anyway ?

as for the actual question- im not sure to be honest. i wasnt really allowed to sleepovers at that age, i guess it would depend on the maturity of the child (would they cope with a night away from home?). my children are both still very young so im not sure- for me i guess it would depend on the situation at the time.

This is the reason given by the child to my step daughter, whether it's an excuse or not I don't know. As for maturity, K is very mature for her age. Maybe because of this we assume other children are the same. She's been through so much as such a young age, it's a good job she has a strong head on her shoulders.

Sunset, you have made a good point, it could be to do with the ex. But she hasn't done the school run in about 9 months so it would be old gossip but it could still be there in the parent's minds.