Questions for those that dont have or dont want childen

I'm of the "not sure" camp. Certainly not yet, and probably not for at least 5 more years (I'm 27 and H is 29). Again, a number of reasons for an against, but not a decision either of us is ready to make yet.

However, we do get comments from some people - we've been married for 4 years now, and it's weird what people think - my parents waited 7 years after marrying to start a family, so there's never been pressure there, although I think my dad would like more grandchildren (he's got two at the moment). My FIL and his wife have automatically assumed we dont want them - no pressure, just a passing, so you're not having any, comment once! How MIL and BIL keep nagging. I did say to BIL that we might actually not be able to have children and have been trying since we got married, and its not really a nag to do, because you just dont know, but even that didnt click, and my mum told my MIL to stop nagging! I think for us it would be easiest if we had a decision - I hate to be proved wrong, so I don't want to say we dont want them (esp if the comment is always "you'll change your mind"), but don't want to go into the not yet/not ever conversation with those who do make comments, as we still dont know ourselves.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant!

It's odd but one overriding feeling I get from this thread is that there are many people out there that assume it's your duty to have kids, as if being a couple isn't enough. I couldn't possibly even imagine bringing it up in conversation - who's business is it apart from your own?

I don't get that feeling ever irl. However, I do think people often do not consider couples to be a family - a family includes children. To me our family is me, h, dogs, cat. But I think to our family/friends with children we are 'just' a couple - like not a complete unit if that makes sense. However, this isn't vocalised in any direct way

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People like my BIL who selfishly seem to think everyone else can do stuff so that e gets what he wants <can you tell I like the guy?>

Admittedly I told my brother in the week he better hurry up and have children, because I'm fed up of everyone saying its my turn next, so Ive decided it's his

I know a lot of people who got pregnant 'by accident', and have since admitted that they didn't take their pill properly or thought they'd be OK just the once, or didn't use enough contraception but still call it an accident. Obviously I'm not implying you did any of these, but it might be an explanation as to why people look like that.

Well, that was pretty much our case Doughnut but I still call it an accident - although I usually say it was a surprise as it wasn't a bad thing IYSWIM.

I don't really know Helen; we've not had another or any comments really about having another but that might be because I'm quite open about the fact that's mainly a financial consideration in our case.

But isn't missing a pill considered an accident? Its easy done. If you read the BT forum the girls that are trying to get pregnant aren't any of the above. A planned baby is very different from finding out you were a bit lapse in taking your pill and have a baby on the way.

I / we never wanted them, and I got to 36 thinking that and was considering being sterilised as I was fed up of there being a choice and talking about it. I truly believe we talked about not having kids much more than people talk about having kids. I like other peoples kids and hated the you'll change your mind comments, but I think it because I was confident in my decision so enjoyed other people's children and people couldn't relate to that as for most people they don't like other people's children or haven't been around children much before they have their own

We were careless with cocntraception in the summer, I thought at 36 I could probably risk unprotected drunk sex... and anyhow we ended up pregnant... which was a shock but when it sunk in it was OK. Unfortunately we had just got used to it and had a bad bad scan and had to terminate. We have now decided that actually we would like children but if it doesn't happen it won't be the end of the world.

My life will be different whichever path happens and it will be equally as good.