Rant about OH!!

Hugs Poppyseed!

Have you told him you need him to help out more?

Which of the options do you really want? Sometimes its worth it paying more for something if you really want it rather than going for the cheaper option. You will only get one wedding day (unless you're like me and this will be my second! ?

I concur. My OH hasn't done very much, but I very quickly had strong ideas about what I wanted, and we had a chat about it. I basically said that UI would ask for his opinions and input on everything, and that if he had opinions he should air them and not feel he was going against my master plan by having them. We have since come to similar discussions about me needing his help, and we came to an agreement that anytime I need his help I tell him, and I give him a deadline and he will do it (and he has been doing it too).

For example, if we need to mnake a decision on something, I just say to him "tomorrow night we are sitting down and talking about this, and we will decide it". I think sometimes it can be hard for them as they don't have the master plan in theri heads and I guess us brides can be quite scary when they are challenging our plans.

Is it just the cost that he is concerned about (and are they valid concerns or is he just being a bit tight ;o) )or is it something else about the marquee reception that makes him concerned?

i think it is definitely time for a proper talk about it - but go in prepared, rather than just saying you need help and support, tell him what he can be doing. Are there sopecific things he could research or do to help you out?

Also, I don't know if you already have done, but I can fully recommend writing a list of all the jobs you think need to be done between now and the wedding, with the deadlines for them being completed. I did this and it helped me prioritise somethings over others and to decide that somethings actually weren't that important anymore and we just wouldn't do them!

Good luck!

My partner also isn't involved, he's a kind of go with the flow kind of guy which can be very annoying especially with only really 4 months to go. I probably get on to him every other day about his speech but just get the same reply "I'm all over it" which I know is a lie. The planning has really been down to me, from the invitations, who's coming, table decorations everything you can think of really. The only time he gets involved is for the first half hour after me complaining I might as well be marrying myself. Whether it's disinterest or he just thinks I'll do a better job on my own who know's but it can be damn well infuriating on times.

My partners mum tried pushing us into the whole village hall thing as that's where she...his sister...had theirs but it's not me at all. You hopefully only get married once and I wouldn't want to look back and realise the day wasn't what I wanted, even if that meant holding off until we could afford something a little better. My moto is if I can afford it I'll have it, so if I was you I'd stick with your gutt.

Poppyseed I really understand your situation! I originally wanted a marquee reception in MIL2b garden (as OH's sister did). We have a fair amount of savings and I hadn't wanted to spend an awful lot anyway. However, as soon as OH realised what his sisters wedding cost he didn't want the marquee. It took me a while to accept that (like you I had the garden marquee thing in my head.) We have additional problems - My OH has a health condition and this is making him very negative about the wedding e.g. he thinks he'll have a horrible time and won't be a good 'groom' for me. He is generally very unable to be at all enthusiastic. I sometimes feel I am being sneaky by planning the wedding as I actively avoid talking to him about it most of the time! I have to be careful about when I bring it up as it can quickly make him stressed. Also, his dad died in the summer and the fact his dad now won't be at the wedding is making him even more apprehensive. I managed to get him to look at photographer websites yesterday; he went quiet and excused himself. I realise it is becuase he is thinking about how his dad won't be in our photos but he won't talk to me about his dad.

Could there be any reasons that your OH isn't as interested as you hoped?

All in all, I totally symapthise. I thought this would be really exciting, with us both making plans and having input. UNfortunately it is quite the opposite. I think the idea of a list is great - you can then show him it so he gets a better idea of everything that needs to be done. Could you give him specific jobs like picking his outfit, deciding on drinks, choosing music? I am trying to do this with my OH. The suit thing has caught his attention a bit. I think the music will too.

I also have my MIL2b on my 'side'. I live with her and she is being very proactive and is quite happy for me to plan things without consulting OH much as she totally understands the situation. Is there anyone on your OHs side who could offer the same support?

I realise you didn't want replies but I am so relieved that it isn't just me on this one!

It took me a lot of alcohol to finally tell my OH how I felt and although he is being a bit more helpful on the organising front, he's not as helpful on the saving front... His lack of self control with money concerns me.

I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat! My OH is exactly the same! Phew! I ask his opinion and then just get on with it and warn him 'if you don't like it, i did ask!' which his reply is always some soppy one about he'd marry me anywhere so everything else is a bonus. bless! x

I think that in general, men don't "get" wedding planning in the same way as brides do. They don't always realise how much needs to be done, how early some things need to be booked (though I will say that from my experience a lot of stuff doesn't actually need to be done as early as some people would suggest!), and just how important it is to you.

If you want him to generally be more involved in the planning, how about you sit down with a "to do" list and a rough timeline, and ask him what jobs he thinks he'll be able to take on? Traditional "bloke" things include the cars, booze, DJs etc - he might be able to get on more if he has a few things that are "his" with a deadline to complete them by. I think you stand more of a chance by doing this than by giving him a general "I wish you would help more."

The marquee/village hall thing is a separate issue - talk to him about why he's suddenly decided this, explain how much extra work it will be to rearrange, plus how much it will cost to cancel your marquee (will you lose deposits?)

Good luck getting him onside - my biggest piece of advice is to try to sit down calmly with him and work it through systematically, rather than ranting - save that for on here!

I think you really need to sit down and talk this out.

Switching your reception venue this late in the day may not work out cheaper, you may lose deposits etc. Is there a deeper reason as to why he wants to do this?

Mr C was never into the details as much as me, he was more interested in the big things and those that he saw as being his remit - suits, bar etc.

While I was happy to trawl through photo after photo, supplier after supplier, he would rather I narrowed it down to 3 things/suppliers I liked and he would offer his opinion/choices from there. It was all mutual decision (apart from my dress).

I did exactly the same as Mrs C - researched everything and gave OH options (sometimes he'd reject them and I'd have to start again), but everything was a joint decision

Otherwise everything is being done by me. He says I'm better at the crafty bits and bobs, and to be fair, I don't think he really cares enough about ribbons and bunting...

I have to agree - men just don't understand what all the fuss is about. My OH is exactly the same and so I'm just doing everything for us both. His best man is equally rubbish, so I expect I will end up arranging the stag do, even!

That said, he does say that we're only doing it once, so we should do it properly, so at least I don't have that to contend with.

My OH was great when it came to the important stuff like choosing the vows together etc but trying to pin him down to discuss ceremony music is doing my head in!

He's too interested to just let me pick but not interested enough to actually spend a bit of time thinking about it. Also, I don't want to just pick for us - these are the songs that our guests will be singing and we'll be walking out as husband and wife to. And I don't have time to hang around now - I need to send our choices to the registrar in 2 weeks. Grrr.

ETA: Anything crafty or 'detaily' is entirely my responsibility, no matter how much I ask his opinion.

Am confused ladies. Why would your OHs not want to be involved? Am I weird? Apart from the dress I have organised pretty much everything in consultation with my B2B.

Have loved doing all the wedding fairs and just taking our time to get what we want.

Tell them to "man up" and embrace the fishbowl, kalla lily and diamante table crystal joy of it all ?

Thanks ladies for all you help, the OH is concerned about the cost of the whole day, although we have a budget and I and doing my best to stick to it, he is mainly concerned about the extra work that having a Marquee Reception will make as the Marquee will be on some land we own which is not attched to any house or building, so everything and i mean everything that we need for the day has to be supplied! Now as far as I'm concerned thats no problem I can manage to do evrything that I need to with my willing band of helpers, however now that the day is getting closer he is being put off by what he has to do, mainly arrange the water and electric supply, help tidy the land, put up some new fencing and arrange for someone to be there at the marquee 24 hours a day for the duration that it is up.

It is the second time round for both of us, and I'm not opposed to a Village Hall, its just at this late stage all my plans are based on the marquee and the thought of starting again is a bit disheartening, my daughters on the other hand have been brill and are coming up with lots of ideas for a Village Hall.

I think i will take you advice and sit him down for a good chat and go from there, if his brain can cope with that !!!

Yep another bride in the same situation lol!! Groom just thinks its ages way!! He told me he was music director so when i ask if he's booked any music he said..o i didn't realise i had too lol!! so still no music booked!! He stresses about how much the wedding is costing even tho we're happy with it and ever 3 days asks... are we still on budget eerrr yes bcus you won't let me buy anything grrr and i wouldn't mind bit spending on rubbish should be his middle name lol!!

Sorry this has become a rant.. but i've enjoyed it!!! I'd say tell you OH what you want him to do ie, suits, cars, music and then ask him for a little update in a few weeks and see where you are..(Tho most likely nowhere like me lol!!)

Oh i am so glad to see this thread. I thought it was just my OH being like that. I am doing fine arranging, researching and getting everything i need but i need him to sort out the things out of my control i.e he has His best man who has moved away on business and is hardly hearing from him so is now worried if he is still able to be his best man but won't contact him to ask him as he feels it will insult his BM. Then he has 2 friends who have promised to provide us with 2 major wedding things as it is their field of work = Photographer and wedding cars. My oh thinks i am just nagging when i ask him to make dates, get conformation and can we meet them. I need to know who will be photographing me and how he works etc and i want to know what car has been sorted for our wedding. My OH just keeps telling me we have ages yet and they won't dissapoint us! ARRRGH So anoying!

Hope you feel ok now and realise it not just your OH. As for the marque i would go on what ever your heart is set on. Think of the photo's and what the atmosphere will be best in and your photo's, music etc will suit. HTH x

I have this problem, except my OH tells me he isn't interested but the things I have chosen so far he has not been happy with! Get involved then!

We are having ours in a village hall (not my first choice but money allowed it) and when I tell people where it is they all say errrr really? Which makes me want to cry. But what they don't know is the drapes that are being hung inside. I am lucky that the venue does this for me. It was £100 for the hire of the room for a day and half(before and time next day) and £200 for the hire of the drapes. Maybe this might be something you could find?

This is it with the drapes and without it really is just a shabby hall:

Oh MrsShep, how annoying! My OH can't deal with the millions of options, but is definitely involved with the shortlists, and has even learned that having an opinion doesn't get him in trouble ;o).

In rehgards to your venue, I think I would be gutted if people were down on my venue, but that said, I would quite like to let people think I was going for something really downtrodden, let them be down on it and then wow them with a place like your picture!! :oD