Rant time! AIBU - you decide (long, v v long!!)

I really feel for you on this one, I have had 6 people added on OH side by his mum who is paying for them but I have only allowed 6. She has asked for more but it is already a 1/4 3/4 split on his side already.

Stand your ground and let them both know that it is your day too and that you would like the chance to be able to invite your friends too! x

this is it, Ive not invited them because i dont know if they mean that much to me (terrible I know) Its like, I'd lend them £50 or let them stay, but have them at my wedding is different. and I dont want to invite them "because MIL is inviting someone" if you get me?

I just feel like she's throwing money at us so she can do what she wants, but its making me feel horrible because she is the nicest lady in the world and I dont think she's doing it to show off or anything.

Grr i'm so torn!

This is what I'm like now - I may as well let OH take over and forget the last 12 months of planning ☹️

I'll let these people come but make it clear to OH that if anyone else wants to be invited its a night time invite they will be receiving! (I dont think Ive even got any invites left oooer!)

Thanks Girls You have calmed me down a bit xxx

I think I'd make the point that this is a loan, which is going to be repaid, therefore it is actually you and OH that will be paying for these additonal guests.

If she is insistant that they attend, then you should have an agreement that she pays for them, and the cost of them attending does not have to be repaid by yourselves.

From a purely business perspective of course... from a personal perspective I'd be quite peeved!! xxx

I had similar issues so talking from experience if your mil is paying for the extra guests and you aren't having to repay that money, it doesn't impact on the venue capacity then let her. I would have also felt like you are now but looking back I was acting like a cow and I regret my actions. I caused arguements because it was 'our day our way' and yes it is to a degree but my parents just wanted to share the day with their friends. Some I didn't even know so I just said hello and I never saw them again all night because I was too busy dancing my party shoes away.

Don't take it out on your mil because you don't have as many people you want to invite. Quality of friends is better than quantity ?

Try to let it go over your head, the agro isn't worth it if you aren't going to be out of pocket and tell her she will need to buy invitations as well! I didn't have enough evening invitations and just bought lovely ones from Tesco and I'm sure no one thought anything of it.

x

No, she IS paying extra for them, so its not costing us anything, but i think its besides the point, I'm angry 'cause she's inviting people who we wouldnt have invited normally, even with an endless amount of cash.

I'm so mixed up. I am angry as theres going to be lots of strangers there but cant complain if she is adding money to cover them.

Can you not explain to her how you are feeling about not knowing everyone that's been invited to your wedding?

Some people really do think they can take over the whole thing but you need to speak your mind to her.

The fact that she is footing the bill shouldn't come into it, you want to be able to enjoy your day with your friends, not strangers!

I know the money is a loan but it's a very generous loan and unfortunately I think when you accept money in any form you do lose some control. Not all weddings are going to be like this but the same sort of situation has arisen many items on here and with hindsight I think that as soon as people accept financial help for a wedding then they may need to accept people will feel they can have a say.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I think for the sake of 7 people out of however many are attending it isn't worth an arguement. You won't notice them on the day.

Or the other option so you don't feel bad about her being such a nice person is to not accept the loan.

I don't really understand how your planning is going out of the window for 7 people you don't know so for that part I think you are just taking it all too personally because weddings are just so stressful and emotional. Your mil isn't to blame for your family not attending so how would you feel about the 7 people coming if you had more on your side?

I'm just trying to offer a subjective opinion because I seriously spent many days and weeks in tears over what I now view as petty silly arguements which didn't need to have happened in the first place.

x

This has sort of happened to us and to be honest i've taken the view that so long as there's space, and the money is there it's easier just to smile and keep everyone happy. They won't bother you and it'll keep her happy so why not just go with it and focus on nicer things x

I think that's what I'm going to do. Suck it up and let her invite who she likes. Maybe I was being harsh- and a bit bitter about my family not attending. These people are probably very nice people knowing my mil.

thanks to everyone who replied, it's nice to be able to sound off once in a while. Night xx

I have a similar problem with my mum just wanting to keep adding in people. My parents are giving us some money and OHs mum has also given us a similar amount. She then also gave us a list of names and addresses of OHs side and just said invite who we want. My mum keeps telling me she's paying so she decides who we are going to invite. End result, I am inviting her friends instead of mine!! I have put my foot down now and kept the guest list to 50:50 for the day (OH has a much bigger family but is inviting the more distant relatives to the evening only).

I am not happy about the guest list at all and it's likely to be revised again before I send the invitations out with a bit more forcefulness from us. It's your day and you should invite the people you really want to share it with

I fully agree with PG and hardly could have told you who was at my 1st wedding because with the photos and everything it was hard to get round everyone. It is your day but it's also an important day for family who want to be proud of their sons and daughters and show them off. So take it as a compliment, especially if she is willing to pay.

Yeah, i'm feeling much better today about it *guilty looking icon*

and Ive added a couple of friends I had totally forgotten to ask too!

I'm gonna just relax about it now x