Reading your spouse's texts / email

I don't do this either, unless he asks me too. Infact my H has asked me to check his email before and gets annoyed when I can't remember the login and password from the last time he asked.

Having said this I don't know what I'd do if I thought I had reason to check up on him IYSWIM.

I open all Mr Nora's mail, texts and emails, but only because he is a lazy fecker and asks me to. We both have certain jobs that we do (unspoken rules if you like), he empties the bin and mows the lawn for example, I open the mail and return calls etc.

It works for us. He wouldn't have a hope in hell of having an affair ?. If he ever wants to arrange a suprise for me, he has to do it via one of our parents or friends or else he knows I'd find out.

I do tend to use his email as its linked up to ebay and paypal and the online shopping etc, but I always tell him that I am about to use it. I don't really nosy through his phone though unless I am asked to.

No, I don't! Sometimes i'm intrigued if he's having a long text conversation but I don't pick up his phone (or even look to see who's calling) if it's ringing unless he asks. I'm bad enough at picking up my own calls and messages.

I have no access to my H's emails - they all go through his work account - and nor would I. He forwards me stuff he thinks I need to know about. He doesn't know the passwords for my email account but I have no secrets and if I needed him to check them for me, I wouldn't have a problem with letting him have access.

Texts? He might ask me to read one if he can't get to the phone and again, I do the same. No secrets at all. Nothing to hide. But no, I wouldn't snoop.

He's given me permission to open all his snail mail this past fortnight while he's been away.

I have no reason to distrust him - I mean, we are also linked on our FB pages so we can read each other's walls etc whenever.

I don't snoop. I don't need to. He would never give me reason to. And for that, I'm incredible thankful.

No, I don't read his emails etc

I think one normally hears about this in the context of someone finding something dodgy (as in "I was reading my husband's text messages when I found one saying 'what a marvellous night of passion' etc")- I'm sure people are more likely to snoop when other factors and behaviour have aroused their suspicions, ie when there actually is something to hide.

You are all quite right I don't read my h2b emails or look when his phone rings or has a text.....but thats because I'm in a great relationship now and have no reason to doubt his word......I have been in not so good ones in the past.....they didn't start out that way but I did read text messages and would read emails if I felt I had lost trust for some reason.

You loose trust in someone for all diff reasons not just infidelity?

I'll read all the text messages that I send him, and delete the silly ones. (Like "going to the shops - want anything ?"). I see the names of the other people who text him, but don't read what they say.

I do but then I have a reason as I do work for H and his email is linked to mine on my computer, so I get a copy of all his incoming and sent email. He also never answers his phone so I mostly have to listen to his voicemail (which he would ask me to do). So for us it's not a snooping thing is just a practical set up. Equally he has the same access to mine and when I'm away from home he can pick up emails for me and action them.

I know pretty much all of the his passwords as we use the same various ones so it's easy on each machine when we need data.

I was a bunny boiler when I was 17 but I had a reason not to trust him ? we got married a year later and it all stopped. Now I can honestly say I dont care who txts or emails him. I am 23 now by the way and I guess more secure in myself.

I do not bother reading his text messages because they are more than likely his mates asking him to go for a pint.I do not even look at his facebook page.

I do know his password for email but it does not interest me.

I suppose if i did not trust him then i would snoop,but each couple are different.

Yes, but only because he thinks my mind will be corrupted by some of the text messages that he gets. They are the ones he doesn't send onto me. They tend to be the best ones and I hate to be left out! He usually tells me when his ex has text. We don't have secrets. I know his e-mail password etc. and the temptation to snoop close to Birthdays or Christmas is huge! but I actually manage to restrain myself.

Nope - if his phone goes off and its annoying me I accept the text but don't read it. Same with emails - I know his passwords etc as he knows mine, but would only ever go in if I've asked him.

I don't open mail or anything of his - its just a respect issue for me.

I am nosey and if his phone is beeping away all evening with texts, will say 'who are you so popular with then?' - but it's not from any mistrust. He leans over my shoulder when I'm on email sometimes, and gets a light tap for sticky-beaking. I'd go spare if I caught him in my phone or email when I wasn't there... nothing to hide, just like my personal space. He wouldn't be bothered if I saw his... less likely to be sharing feelings I suppose - but I still wouldn't look. Can't expect separate rules.

I don't read now, but i did when i knew he was up to something and it was driving me mad having no concrete proof.

I envy those who have not had trust broken.

Nope I dont bother, for one, I trust him and two I really cannot be arsed as he doesnt text much anyway (his mother and our ironing laydee!) and his emails are boring, either bay of E related or from recruiment agencies etc, how flippin boring!

Never read txt messages unless he shows them to me , never answer his phone , i wouldn't know how to get into his emails , not that i want to.

Yep I do and H reads my texts. No reason, nothing to do with trust, we are just both nosey.

I have no interest in reading his emails and I'm sure he has non in mine. But if he did he knows the password and vice versus.

Sx

No, but then as others have said, I've never had any reason to. The fact that our phones lie around where we can each see themmeans we could check I suppose. I don't read his email. I've no idea if he reads mine - quite possibly he's seen the inbox at least, as I'm forever leaving my account logged in on his computer by mistake!

I do feel lucky that I've no reason to mistrust him. I don't know whether I'd have the strength to trust someone again after I'd been betrayed, I think I'd always be tempted just to check.

When I was with my ex I did; I never really trusted him and I was right not to. Now I honestly feel no need to. I think one knows deep down whether a person is trustworthy or not.

Oh i agree Sophie,

I find this quite a difficult subject when it comes up in conversation, in real life too, not just on places like here, as it is so frowned upon, which i do understand.

I have been vilified for reading his texts and phone bill, when ultimately they gave me the information i needed, and reassured me that i was not going bonkers.

luckily, i am able to trust again although i suspect there will always be that little niggly doubt in the back of my mind suggesting i should just take a peek. I ignore it at the moment.

Ginger, I'm sorry you've had just cause to need to read his texts etc. I've been in a relationship where he cheated on me, but it was before the days of texts and emails and such like (yeah, I'm an old git!!), but if there had been the technology, I too would have been in there like a shot.

I for one wouldn't vilify anyone snooping when they needed clarification of suspicions.

I'm glad you're able to trust again ?

Thank you peaches, i suspect i am not far behind you in age ?

H and i are quite a live-in-each-others-pockets sort of couple, which suits us both. we don't read each others post though, we recently noticed this and had a chortle about it, and said the other was welcome to open them, but neither of us has done it yet, it just seems wrong. mind you, we'd only say to each other "ooh, you've got a letter that looks exciting, who's it from?" and hand it over when they came through the door.

on texts and emails i could read h's emails but there are only so many very technical computery emails a person can read without wandering off in a daze. if i thought there was anything even vaguely interesting in there i probably would, but they would only be from his mother, and she tends to cc me in or send ones just to me anyway (h isn't the greatest conduit for social information).

texts i might read for interest if i had his phone in my hand and he'd wandered off or i was waiting... just for minimal interest. not because i'd think he had shocking ones, just to read messages i'd sent him when being unreasonable ?

If we were in the car and his phone beeped and he asked then yes i'd open and generally reply too, apart from that no. i have no reason to snoop, i also wouldn't read his emails or open his post. likewise i'd be a bit peeved if he went snooping through my post/emails/texts i barely leave the house and currently never without him so it's not like i'm up to anything! I do however file all our paperwork. which he's more than happy for me to do.

I completely understand it when people are suspicious though.

I never check H's texts and would have no idea what his email password would be, nor would I want to know.

He on th eother hand is terrible. I gave him my email password when he needed to get an email from my account and he read an email off my mate telling me that he thought another one of our mates fancied me. So H started acting funny around me for no reason (well that I knew of anyway) and constantly asking me if any of my mates fancied me. I was ages before it came out why he was so bloody paranoid. If only he'd read the reply, which said that 'I'm sure he doesn't feel like that and I think you're just reading too much into it', rather than getting all shirty about it.

It's an incredibly difficult balancing act - as I've been on the other side of this particular equation: namely, a girlfriend obsessively snooping through my e-mails and just about everything else for "evidence" of something that wasn't happening! And because she failed to find anything, this intensified both the paranoia and the snooping to the point where I ended the relationship - I just couldn't live like that.

It's hard to know exactly when you can say that such snooping is justified, but I think you really do have to have a very good reason for suspicion before investigating texts/emails behind your partner's back. Because that in itself is a trust issue, and in my case it proved to be a terminal one.

I would only open them if he asked me to and seeing as he asks me to on occasion I have no reason to want to do it behind his back iyswim.

I only look at H's email if he asks me to. He could look at mine if he wanted but doesn't. He hasn't got a mobile but I can't imagine looking at texts unless he asked me to either. And I'm sure he wouldn't look at mine, though he could if he wanted.

H doesn''t get/send texts, so if he suddenyl started, I would get suspicious, for sure. I sometimes show him my texts, I wouldn't expect him to grab my phone and read them, but there again they would be pretty dull if he did.

As for email, we sometimes have cause to check each other's mail for business purposes, I don't look at his unless asked. It's not really a privacy thing, more of a 'I have enough of my own stuff to deal with without his too' thing.

He probably looks at my email more, but again it's mostly work.

L
xx

We read each others emails and texts but only if the other is asked too.