relationships that have changed since you have gotten engaged concerning friends and family. Good or bad?

I've found that being engaged makes some people feel they have the right to comment on my weight!! "Are you planning on losing weight for the wedding?" "If it was me getting married I'd hope someone would point out to me I'd put weight on" etc etc!!! I've always been a 10-12 but recently I've (gasp, shock) went up a dress size. Leave me alone, I'm well aware, I don't need you to point out my insecurities!!! Grrr! xx

With my friends, I've definitely become closer. With my family, their true colours have definitely come out!! My mother is a whingy person at the best of times but her thinking it is her right to pick one thing to be a part of, one thing that she knows is important to me, and out rightly say that she wants nothing else to do with the wedding is farcicle. Actually looking forward to it being all over and done with!!!

My mom as always has been amazing. H2b's family have been indifferent. My friends have been good at saying they will help with this or that - im still waiting! So i don't think i would say my relationship with them has changed but my opinion of some definitely has! X

Unfortunately my sister has become very distant from me. It started when I told her the date I was getting married as it is our late nan's birthday. And the thing I wanted her to see most was either me get married or have her great grandchild. No one else has a problem with this in the family and it is a very special day for us as I know she will be there more closely because it is such a meaningful date. She did not have the wedding she wanted and my mum seems to think that she could be jealous. It has hurt a lot as I just do not feel as though she cares and she is a bridesmaid also so would like to get her involved. xLx

I don't think anything has changed. But, as we're eloping, I've not really told anyone anything about the wedding, so there isn't bridesmaid drama, or invite drama or anything to worry about. Everything is as normal!

Oh goodness me yes!!

Friendships have improved, my mum though is a nightmare! She hates everything that I choose and has even said she thinks we should cancel the wedding but then moans she isn't more involved!!

I've had the weight thing too. I've been going back to the gym to help me with my stress and insomnia and both my oh and mil have commented on my diet even saying the "you shouldn't be eating that" I just laugh though

Xxx

I was aware of odd backward logic of some of my family members but being non-confrontational i figured it wouldn't happen to me rookie mistake. I still dont get it but learnt to rise above it even if its stressing me out and dont try to understand it (mums advise). Experiencing it first hand has painted them in a different light. OH's mum micro managing and worrying is infectious, OH has taught me excellent co-oping techniques (ignore and play orcs must die!).

My mum and I have banded together more so.

Friends are rocks, frustrating but dependable and predictable. They're been awesome.

Hi,

Family wise nothing has really changed but I still have over a year to go.

Friends wise, I have my 3 closest friends as BM's and they have been good with things so far, I have even set them the huge task of arranging my away henny and that I want to know nothing about (I'm trying to not be so controlling and OCD) however my friend that I have known the longest has recently in the ast year became more friendly with her OH's friends and their partners, so I worry that we will end up drifting apart as she spends more time with them than me and our other friends. I haven't said anything but have mentioned it in a 'round the bush' type of way but I know its more me than her and my insecurities coming up.

Wedding planning has made me worry about things I never knew possible!!!! xx

People have surprised me. Both good and bad. Ones I expected nothing from have been amazing other I expected it to be great it seems to have caused tension. It's sad in a way.

I'm closer with my best friend but other than that nothing, YET....I'm waiting for my sister to start the closer it gets. We don't have the best relationship and shes always been very "back-handed" and negative with her comments generally, worse since she got divorced, so we will wait and see.

Good question!! Yep I feel really bitter about Tim's family since we got engaged, my family have done nothing but go out of their way to help, where as Tim's family (his parents) have done nothing but dictate about our day ie their guests, what they expect us to have for cars, paying for their outfits (his dad) not contributing a single penny, snooty comments about how much my mum paid for her outfit....the cherry on the cake is the FMIL buying an ivory and pearl dress, I'm at the point where I don't really want much to do with them, before we got on really well.

My relationship with my parents has possibly got better, but was always good anyway. My friendship with 2 of my BMs has really gone downhill, almost to the point where I don't think we'll really see much of each other after the wedding.

Unfortunately it has out a bit of a strain on some of my friendships.

I can't afford to go out as much as I used to in order to pay for the wedding, I have a friend who don't understand as she has never had a boyfriend and have taken it personally that I don't go out unless it's a special occasion such as a birthday.

I also have a friend who (has admitted to other people) is miffed that she wasn't picked as a BM. I'm not that close to her anyway and other things she has done should have made it obvious to her I wouldn't pick her.

I've been pushed closer to one friend because of their behaviour so in some ways that's a bonus. And I now see that I'm lucky to have seen these sides to people sooner rather than later. It is a real shame though that something that should have been a happy point in my life has been one of heartache due to their treatment and behaviour towards me.

Up until today, I would have said no - that the people I expected to be helpful have been helpful and those I expected to accuse me of bridezilla tactics if so much as said wedding have been exactly that. But then my godfather completely surprised me (see my own post today) and that has really made me rethink that one!!

Oh pugs thats sad to hear

I am sorry to heat this, but I also have found the same problem with the money thing. I have stopped going out for meals with mates, and I refuse to go on shopping trips because I don't want to put myself in situation where I spend money. I am so tired of hearing people say well one shopping trip or meal wont hurt. I am being responsible not borrowing but am saving all my hard earned cash to pay for our wedding as is my H2B, so why don't people get it? I am so tired of having to repeat myself. Its getting annoying, and I assume it may get worse as I still have a long way to save. xxx

I would have said that my sister had changed in a good way, but then nah...she showed her true colours when she booked the same villa as we wanted the same week as our honeymoon. x

Cass that sounds rubbish. It can be so stressful cant it. I suppose we can only control our feelings and emotions no matter what others do. Normally I am good at this, but I think wedding planning can be so stressful that it exasperates everything and makes it so much more difficult to deal with. Especially when most brides go out of their way to include others thoughts and feelings...it can seem that nothing you do is right. But what is right for you and your h2b is right. Hope it gets better for you.

xxxx

Thank you Fenty, trying not to get too upset by it all, not easy though. You just have to be the bigger person at times and rise above it

Nothing is really different with my family , I have some very supportive friends too, However I do feel like I rushed into choosing my bridesmaids and regret that a lot and my MOH is the only person that seems to be stressing me out at the moment but there is not a lot I can do about it now

millie tell me more...how has she managed that? x

It has been a real eye opener and I have had a mountain of ups and downs . It's made me realise just how much family actually care about us and for me seeing the effort the girls have gone to for my hen has made me smile . I think all brides / grooms will probably have similar experiences .

I just can't god damn wait to marry my man! If anything going through the planning process when people are being !:&/&, has made us realise we are all we need + lol man ( future step son ) xxx

Sorry what!?

Her friend has a villa in Tenerife which we were going to book for a week in May (not a lot of money so was a cheap option). I told my sister what week we wanted and asked her to give my number to her friend for her to call me. I didn't hear anything, then my mum said "oh, your sister is going to Tenerife in May". I asked which week and mum said she didn't know. My sister knows that because of my job, I had to wait until May to take my honeymoon because of tax year end, then could only have one particular week because of other staff having time off also.

Anyway.....I had to go to my sisters to pick my niece up, so I asked which week and when she told me my jaw just dropped. Now its not often I am stuck for words but I was that angry I couldn't speak. I just said "that was the week we wanted" she replied with "well it was the only week me and girls could make for our girlie holiday!".

I just couldn't say anymore and left. Later on I saw my mum and told her, and she said that my sister had probably forgotten which week I said. I then lost it and ranted at mum saying it was about time she realised what a two faced self centred selfish B***H her no.1 daughter was and to open her eyes. She has always been the same since we were kids and I have very little to do with her because of it. I feel I have given her chance after chance, and when my dad died suddenly a few years ago I gave her yet another chance and she does this to me. Needless to say, after the wedding I will be cutting her off. Again!

I was that upset that I even said to OH that I didn't want her at our wedding but he talked me round and said not to spoil the day because of her.

Wow...just....wow. I can't get over how spiteful that is. Sending 'good holiday' vibes over so you end up with a better holiday than your sister for less money!

Millie that's awful! I hope you've managed to find somewhere else for you and your OH to go and I really, really hope you have a wonderful time and she doesn't!! I'm not usually vindictive but that's really put my back up!!!!

My friendship with my family has improved. Mainly because we originally said after getting engaged (and after a spat about children at the wedding) that we were going abroad, so when we booked a UK venue my mum is now just so stupidly happy that she gets to be MOB for the first time that everything I decide is fantastic as far as she is concerned.

On the other hand.... My FIL's have been awful. Just awful. We have booked a venue that is 40 mins away, it is on a Sunday (before the Xmas break so kids/teachers will be off work anyway) and just lots of other things that FMIL isn't happy with. (eg being upset the wedding singer is not an Elvis impersonator....I kid you not she couldn't understand why we didn't want an Elvis impersonator in full bejewelled white suit). She is constantly moaning to OH about it and also stirring up things in the family by 'helpfully' passing on complaints from other members of his family (eg your sister isn't coming if her daughter can't be BM). Last week he snapped and told FMIL she didn't have to come and neither did anyone else if it was that much trouble.

It has been a real eye opener and I'm sorry to say it has already affected how I am with them as I feel 'frosty' when I'm around them. They don't say anything directly to me but I hear it all through OH and that's enough.

On the otherhand my relationship with OH has improved massively. It feels like it's us vs everyone else now. And as I was so upset at his FMIL moaning he has booked a week's cheap holiday in March to take me for a bit of winter sun to forget about it all. ?

Thanks ladies.........we still have a honeymoon to sort, but not going to book anything till after wedding, so hopefully will find something cheaper and better!! x

I was a loss for words when I first read your post (still am, what a total......(insert what ever expletive you see fit) and I thought my sister was bad, but wow. Have a look on teletext holidays online. My dad always uses that and gets some great deals. Think one of his last ones was a week away, 4* hotel all inclusice for less than £500 (total). He booked a hoiday for me and my OH as a christmas present the other year and it was 3* all inclusive with transfers for about £300 (total)

Yeah same here ?

Thanks for that, will take a look. Sounds like your dad has had some great deals! x