Remembering lost loved ones

How about doing something like this:

Candles are a lovely idea. At a friend of mines wedding they lit a candle that had been "engraved" (the wrong word) with his Mums Name. It was just a personal moment between him and his family, and burned all night - was lovely.

I lost my Mum 4 years ago - and I am planning to remember her with the flowers that I am choosing - one of Mums favourites being tulips, we are getting married in September which is not perfect Tulip time!

You can also donate to cancer charities instead of favours?

We are having a photo of our fathers with a couple of small tealights and having cancer and heart favours

Here's quite a good website for reference to remembering loved ones, 'Gone but not forgotton' it's certainly somewhere I'm gonna be piching ideas from in ways to 'include' my Dad.

We are having a picture of my dad (well adoptive dad) on a table with a pint of mild bitter next to it. I never got the chance to buy him a pint so i feel that this will just show that one thing which i never got to do and that i regret.

It sounds silly but its almost like a right of passage that you get the odd shandy brough for you by your dad when you are 16/17 then one day when your 18 you get to buy him a "legal" pint back. Never got the chance to do it so its a mark of respect for something that i wished i had the opportunity to do.

We are having a memory tree by our cake - we have a beautiful jewellery tree and we are hanging photos of 'absent friends' on there - my OH will find it too difficult to talk about his dad but he was so pleased with this idea - as we have sadly lost a number of our loved ones, its almost like they are sitting at their own little table together and i like to think that wherever they are, they are looking down and joining in the fun with us!!

you could also maybe include a lovely picture of your OH's mum with a few nice words at the back of the order of service for the ceremony?

Another idea is to hve a photo charm attached to your bouquet by a ribbon:

I have 2 little tiny photoframes, one will hold a pic of my Grandad who died when I was 18 and the other will hold a pic of my nanny who died when i was 11.

They will be hanging from ribbon off of my step-daughters flowers (shes having a pomander) so they get to walk up the aisle with me and are there during the day x

That is a lovely idea. I've just gone on eBay and bought one to have a photo of my grandmother in.

We're having a memorial candle for my (step) dad which we will be lighting during our handfasting. Our favours will be BHF pins, and a "in memory" card for my dad.

I've also got a lucky sixpence from the year of his birth that he had turned into a charm for his neckchain, which I will be attatching to my bouquet. I've got another from ebay for my shoe too.

All of our Grandparents have sadly died and we've chosen not to remember them as it will make the day too emotional - I know that certain people from my family would be upset at the thought of my Grandparents not being there.

Weve decided not to have anything in speeches either for the same reason.

I know they are controversial & not to everyones taste & im not looking for a discussion on it but we are releasing 4 doves in memory of our grandparents. Only us & our parents know about this - we'll not be telling our guests the reason for it, its just for us.

We will be lighting a candle in the side chapel for my dad (died July 2009). It wlil just be me and husband, No one else knows we are doing this and we wanted it to be a private moment.

I'm having yellow roses in my bouquet and the BMs bouquets as they were both my gran's favourite flowers. Not sure how to 'include' my grandad and OH's dad yet but I know he doesn't want it making obvious or mentioned in his speech so bit stuck there.

I'm not a fan of the memorial tables/candles/photos and personally think that these things should be done privately. However, I haven't lost a parent, only grandparents, so perhaps I'd feel differently if it was someone closer. In my sister's wedding, my dad is thanking my only grandmother for attending and will be saying something along the lines that the other grandparents would have been very proud had they been there. End of then on to something else. He didn't want to make anyone cry, but wanted to mention it.

I lost my Nan in January. I think its nice to do something to remember them if you want to, but it has to be done in a way without making it really sad....Lost loved ones wouldnt want that... I have decided to buy Trolley Tags from the british heart foundation and have them along with my favours. And then add a little note about the charity and what it means to me (in memory of my Nan)

HTH

I have a bride who has bought a garter with a little pouch attached so she can carry a photo of her grandmother who has just died. You could do something similar but pin a pouch in your dress or bouquet.

One of my brides had this put on her table plan...

"Your seats have been reserved, but please also reserve a place in your hearts

to remember Dawn's Mum, Judy, who sadly cannot be here with us today xx"

I too wanted to do something to remember my loved ones on our special day. Although not something that was too obvious for everyone. So i have bought these little Bouquet photo frames that i will tie onto my Bouquet with a picture of them both. Something that i can see and will know is there.

I personally don't really like this kind of thing but, like another Hitcher has pointed out, I'm lucky (IYSWIM) to have only lost one granddad. I think about my granddad every single day anyway and don't want to bring people down on the day - especially my grandma. I always feel quite uncomfortable when things like this are done at weddings, especially if I don't know the person who has died - I'm overly emotional about death and feel like a complete idiot crying for someone I've never met.

But, each to their own, and who knows how I'd feel if I had any other family members missing. I've often thought that if anything happened to my dad (now praying that I'm not jinxing him!!!) I don't think I'd even be able to walk down the aisle, I'd just go in at the side or something.

I do like the favour idea - getting charity pins or trolley coins as a little memorial but also supporting a worthy cause.

Also, I really feel for those of you who have lost loved ones, I'm getting quite emotional thinking about my granddad again

xxx

Thanks for the imput everyone. We were thinking something along the lines of maybe family photos and a few candles set up on the table but don't want it just shoved in the corner and looking out of place. Maybe by the guest book? But then what do we do in the ceremony? I like the little bouquet frames but they're very girly and it would be good for my oh to have something as it is his mother. As others have said we don't want something that's going to upset us all but we still want to remember her. Thanks for all your replies everyone xx

Can you post the link for the one on eBay, i can't find them

I am sat here trying not to cry with all these lovely ideas!

I've lost both grandfathers, and o/h has lost all but one grandparent. I was only really close to one of my grandfathers - as I don't wish to speak ill of the dead, I won't go into details regarding the other!

All I am planning on doing is giving my bouquet to my Nan to take home and put on Grandad's grave - as I know how much he would have wanted to be with us on the day. I don't want to do more, as I don't want to draw attention to the fat that I'm not doing something for the other grandfather IYSWIM.

Yes very emotional reading these isnt it. You need to keep thinking & something will pop out to you that works. I am going to be looking at my Nans jewellery, I am the only granddaughter & she left it all to me so was thinking of having one of her brooches pinned to the ribbon on the stes of my bouquet. She also had pearls that sadly are broken so am going to take them to jeweller and see if they can be restrung so I can wear on the day. As for my grandad it is harder. They were both very horticultural & were florists but the flowers just dont seem to be enough as I would have them anyway. Will look to include roses from his garden but am still looking at ideas.

My cousin married just after my gran passed away & it was a very hard day. As a family my mum organised for us to let 2 sky lanterns go privately outside during the disco. One for my cousin who passed away a long time ago & one for my nan. It was a lovely touch and we were all together which was nice. I am thinking of using this too almost like a tradition if you see what i mean? Even just getting everyone in the family or who was close to the person together privately for a few moments means the worrld.

Maybe your OH could have some of his mothers jewellery discreetly with him? On his inside pocket or something? It will come to you dont worry the perfect way will become clear!