I have always got on OK with my ILs but recently things have become tense. MIL has a number of medical issues, including depression, so she's very often moody. I try my best to understand this, and visit weekly and offer to help out etc. Most of the time it's OK, but she can be very critical of my appearance and the ways we live our lives and sometimes this grates.
Her sister, H's maiden Aunt, is frankly a pain in the backside - although she can be extremely generous with her time. She's very keen to help with the business and will utterly insist on helping, unpaid, to the point it makes things very awkward. Her interpersonal skills are very poor and she can be abrupt, bossy and critical.
Part of the problem is that MIL, Aunt and SIL all do things the same way - they shop in the same places, phone each other several times a day etc. It doesn't suit me to do this so I don't. I have never criticised their way of doing things, but they take great umbrage that I don't do things their way. This includes shopping for clothes for me, without asking what I like / want etc first. Very generous, but very awkward when I say "no thank you" and they have to go back. These aren't a gift: they present me with a bill for them too. Their reasoning for doing this is that they are buying them for everyone else in the family, so they honestly believe they are doing me a favour. The Aunt is very black and white about things and, I think, thinks that her ways are the best and that I am irritating, stubborn and a bit stupid for not joining in. You can imagine what I think about her ? (overbearing, unreasonable etc)
Things have been simmering for sometime because of the above issues. One thing that irks me is that Aunt and Grandad come and stay at our house, but then spend all their time and MILs and SILs and make no bones about the fact that they prefer their company. I find this quite hurtful, but at the same time I don't really want to entertain them all weekend, so I am being somewhat contrary and possibly unreasonable.
Things have been brewing about phone messages. Basically, H and I have very little time together and so we screen our calls in an evening and at weekends. MIL / Aunt phone up about the tiniest thing and if we don't phone back they get very offended. They have said they think we are extremely rude. We've just taken it on the chin for ages, smiled and carried on doing our thing. They have now got to the stage when they will phone home, the business line, then both our mobiles one after the other and leave messages saying "I have tried 4 phones to get hold of you, PHONE ME BACK IMMEDIATELY! IT'S URGENT!" and then they hang up. MIL is terrible for this (and I harbour secret dreams of bashing her with a blunt instrument when she does). She even did this in front of my friend, I was utterly humiliated. I was out driving at the time, but she still wouldn't accept that I wasn't a) at home to answer the phone and b) willing to pull over and answer the mobile until I stopped the car.
Last bank holiday Monday was the final straw. We had 15 phone calls in 20 mins, from a variety of people (before 11am). Being one of the only holidays we have, we wanted to spend the day quietly. Part of the problem was that we had offered to sell some window frames to MIL's friends. They had made no arrangements with us, but had hired a trailer and wanted to come round within the next half hour. I felt this was unreasonable, given the lack of notice and the fact it was a bank holiday. They left several arsey messages (which leads me to believe MIL has been slagging us off far and wide about this issue) and MIL phoned 6 times in 15 mins, I kid you not.
Even though I sound like a wimp, I ended up in tears. H had a right go at his Mum - he was really frank and abrupt. No-one has been in touch since, which is very rare.
Aunt and Grandad are coming to stay with us tomorrow <deep sigh> SIL hasn't got room for them, but didn't make room for them when she did. MIL says her spare room is too untidy and she's too tired to tidy it up. I can't really refuse them staying here, and I don't want to because I DON'T WANT TO FALL OUT WITH ANYONE. TBH I feel bullied.
MIL will have a public strop and Aunt will want to act like the go-between. They are starting to make noises about H being extremely grumpy and rude recently (and the implication is that I am a bad influence and not part of the family).
Given that they have to come, I really don't want a row because it's all silly and there's nothing to row about, and H is spoiling for a fight (and has a list of family grudges as long as your arm to bear, that've been bubbling inside for years) any tips for survival?
Fed up of Hull x
