RSVP No?

I agree totally, if my good friend was getting married I would be there no matter what, especially with a year's notice. When do you have to give the venue final numbers and pay? Maybe you could give her that date to work on getting an answer at work? The Mumis probably a bit different, it would be difficult to get someone else to look after her elderly relative. Maybe she could come for part of the day?

Hope you get it sorted either way.

I'm avoiding the football too, just watched Don't tell the Bride, thank goodness for a second tv!! x

Sending you a hug! All I can say is your true friends will be there and they wouldn't have to think about it x

Oh I understand her concerns with her mother in law, but even her partner hasn't offered to take the day off work and look after her own mother while my friends mum can come the wedding! There are so many answers and so many people who would be willing to look after her for the day, but tbh, I don't think ive got the energy to make the suggestions and effectively bully them into coming.

I've never had any function or party or anything like this because the fear of people not coming sends me into a panic. I'm so upset that people I felt were close friends and were special enough to witness us get married, cant be bothered! (I know there's more to it than that, but its my rant ? )

Whilst it is annoying, I can see where your good friend is coming from. I have to book my annual leave 12-18months in advance....how the heck am I meant to know what I'll be doing that far in the future?! Anyway, it means I just have to pick random days/weeks. Oh and I can't take holiday during school holidays. Nearer the time I can request leave but won't find out until a month, maybe even a week before.

So yes, whilst it is obviously annoying for you, it is also annoying for people in my boat. I've already had to let a friend down for a wedding next April as it's in the Easter holidays and can't get leave.

I don't think she's being contrary in not saying she can't come. And whilst I would also love to move hell and high water to go to my friends wedding, unfortunately the world and my job don't grind to a halt because a friend is getting married.

Fortunately my friends are very understanding and know that I'm not being awkward. I'm sure your friend will be there if she can.

Erm... you call her a good friend, but won't hold her place? Why not?

Annual leave cannot always be booked before a certain point and if she can't get the time off, this doesn't make her less of a friend.

Your best friends mum may not be able to get someone for that particular day. If she is as close to you as you say, then why would she deliberately lie and not attend your wedding?

I would do anything for my friends within my power but I would also expect them to understand if I was unable to do what they asked. Friendship does not mean you go to any lengths. It means you give and take and understand.

Maybe your all right and im just having a bad day. Wedding crap makes you super emotional....or is it just me who turns in to super ***/whingey ***/crazy ***?!

I am sure that you will have the right people with you when the time will come. Just try to enjoy as much as you can and let the bad things go away!

^^^ This is causing you to react the way you are. I am the same - never threw a party before as the thought horrified me. For a best friend, you need to hold a place for them, until they can get confirmation from work that they can come. It sucks, but some people just have those types of jobs. I had the same with a bridesmaid - she couldn't technically to confirm until about 2 months beforehand, but we just presumed it would be all ok, and it was.

Now for the lesser important people though.... if they don't want to / or can't commit, I wouldn't hold a space for them, paying money for it, when I have other people who could come instead. I had this exact conversation with someone the week we sent our invitations out:

Male guest: Thanks for the wedding invitation, but I don't know if I can come yet because I'm amazingly awesome and really really super important at work, so I couldn't possibly commit to coming to your wedding at this stage, as even though I work Monday-Friday, work may want to send me to China, to Russia, or potentially Mars for an entire week to seal some really important deal.

Me: Ahhh ok, that's fair enough. I tell you what, I'll keep a space open for you just at the evening do then. That way, if you find out that you are available nearer the time, we'll be happy to see you around 8 ish, yeah?

Male guest: Ohhhh, ok. That's fine that'll suit my work schedule. Because I'm far too narcissistic to realise that you aren't 'holding' a place for me at the day time event. I'm just taking this conversation as evidence that you're really just super impressed with my job and how amazing I am.

*disclaimer* The above conversation may or may not have some extra ad-libing to demonstrate his attitude....