Secret Santa IN ADDITION TO charity

Forgive me, but i thought the idea of the charity was instead of secret santa, not as well as. one dilutes the other.

OK, well let's have a board discussion and take the general consensus shall we?

I think there has to be room for both because you can't dictate that people SHOULDN'T do SS.
However, the spirit of this last year was that you can't buy much of a gift for a fiver, so why not donate that fiver because a lot of £5s together make a big charity donation.

L
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There already is one. Lois's thread.

perhaps i m too dogmatic about these things, but surely the point is that you choose NOT to have a present and give that cash you were going to use for someones present to the charity. in other words, you forego your gift in favour of the charity.

I certainly see that point, Lois. I just think if we had an informal agreement that everyone who bought a SS gift had to also make a contribution of £5 to the charity then the charity isn't being undermined at all. Those who only wanted to contribute to charity could do so without further involvement in this.

However, I am happy to concur if it is felt this will undermine the charity, that's not my intention at all.

From your post I take it that you cannot do the ss presents unless you also give to the charity?

I already have my charities that I give to throughout the year, so I cant do a ss ? Mybe it should be more flexiable and left up to people to decide which one they choose to do?

well, thats unworkable because inevitably, some people just wouldnt.

plus, some people seem to forget that every year there was a SS, there were dozens of threads both before and after christmas with whinges from those who hadnt received presents, and of course, those presents were never bought, and that would be the same again. some people are just tossers unfortunately.

therein lies my point - dilution.

OK, BB let's have a vote. This'll make it clear and there'll be no disparity between this thread and Lois'

Would you prefer

a) Charity only

b) Charity + SS

c) OTers are free to choose either

Nick, I think you've put your point across well. I am hoping put the case for both reasonably articulately (?) Let's make a democratic decision.

What? a vote? ? why? its only you and 3 others who have mooted this, everyone else on lois s thread has already said that doing the same as last year would be great. youre going at this like a teeneger in whorehouse. now youre trying to push for a vote, wtf?! ?

Well, I think people are obviously free to choose what they want to do- none of us is boss of Hitched- but I like the idea of a charity collection replacing SS so that you donate the cash you would have spent on SS. I agree with Nick that having SS as well dilutes it.

a democratic decision has ALREADY been taken. youre not george bush and its not nov 2000, alright? r?

? teenager in a whorehouse.

Because, dear Nick, the suggestion of a secret santa doesn't prevent anyone from contributing to the charity thread, but the opposite POV is that the SS would undermine the charity, hence you can't have both.

<shrug> I don't see the problem with a discussion. As I have said before, I am more than happy to concur if everyone disagrees with me.

Hey Clairy, it's not very secret, but if I buy you a pressie will you get me one?

As I said on Lou's thread, I'd like to do both. But I'm in a position where I can afford to do both and am happy to support Macmillan in addition to other charities I support throughout the year. I undersatand that others are not in that position.

I also appreciate that there's a pretty big membership, with plenty of scope for confusion, forgetting, etc.

I'd prefer free choice because some people support their own charities privately but would still like a gift though I see why the idea of having to give to charity was suggested.

I see the point of charity instead of ss but then the point to ss to me is to give but also receive a gift [I don't get many presents anymore icon]

I'd like to take part in ss and will also be donating to the charity but don't see the need to have to do both iyswim

I think the charity is still a great alternative to those who want to give to it rather than do ss at all - I don't see how ss can offend anyone though?

I don't think you can say you have to donate to charity if you do SS. You cannot dictate what people do to that degree, imo.

L
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Clairy, i think what youre suggesting is ill-advised, and actually quite thoughtless in light of the other thread. anyway, i ve made my point.

I really do not see the problem here.

For whatever reason some may not wish to donate to the Hitched charity of choice, some may want to do a secret santa, some may not feel able to say that on the charity thread, so they could instead email clairy on the address provided.

It is really that simple isn't it? or am i having a sparks moment again?

To me, they are both very separate but for those who use the charity as an alternative to the ss - that's great but to me I wouldn't say here's £5 to charity and I'm spending £5 on ss but if I didn't bother with the £5 ss I'd give £10 to charity because to me they are both different.

Well Ginger that's what I think too. I don't think it's thoughtless because it's not an either/or scenario. However, as I have said before, I don't wish to undermine the charity collection, hence the request for a discussion.

LittleStar maybe we should just have a mini SS instead ?

I only want to do the charity one - if i have friends on here that i really want to give a gift to then i can do that separately

if i am feeling flush enough to do a charity thing and a present to a potential total random i would rather see £10 go to a good cause rather than £5 to a good cause and £5 on some tat that will be chucked by new year

no no, its not offending anyone at all. the very point of Sares original suggested 12 months ago was rather than go through the dozens of SS threads, that that money is given to charity instead. thats the point. to do both simply means that one or both will be diluted, as not everyone will give to the charity who does the SS. Lois started a thread today and kindly offered to handle it again. many people said it was a good idea - to do it INSTEAD of. then a couple of people said oh i d be happy to do SS as well, and suddendly, old union leader clairy is suggesting a bloody vote on it. its ridiculous.

OK. The original idea was that they are not different - that instead of spending £5 on a gift, those £5s make more difference as part of a larger donation to charity.

However, if both SS and the charity thing are going to run alongside each other, inevitably some people are going to have to choose which to support (if any), as it gets expensive to do both

L
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thats exactly what it will do. anyway, i m about to get annoyed, and i m arguing the same point, so i m away from this now.

I thought the idea of the charity thing was to donate the money you would have spent on ss, so really having both does seem contradictory.

Also I must be a right miserable cow but I don't understand why you would want a £5 piece of tat from a perfect stranger. ?

Every time I have ever seen a SS mentioned, I have struggled not to say exactly that ?. I am Grump McGrump of the clan McGrump though

L
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I agree with Nick, Knownowt and Lois. And anyway I think Secret Santa presents are just stoopid and I wouldn'tr want a piece of tat from some internet random even if it didn't cost me a fiver.

That is all.

Piss off Nick ?

I am glad Lois is doing the charity thread and am very happy to support that. I also think Hitched serves an important function in a lot of people's lives and, to me, the SS represented that - it was the only physical embodiment of my online experience I had in a year. So the SS represents the community here on Hitched. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. And, let's not forget, some Hitchers will be in changing circumstances / alone / not receiving many presents and if a £5 Hitched gift helps that person feel as though there's someone else thinking of them, then it's no bad thing in my book. I think there is a meaning beyond the financial value of the gift actually. I can still remember each of my SS presents from Hitched and I haven't regarded any of them as 'tat'

Let's not have a row about it, though, eh? Both ideas are well intentioned.

There is that foo and Lois, i wouldn't want to also stress about buying ANOTHER gift for someone i do not know, on top of trying to think of what to buy for those that do.

But clearly some people do want to do ss as well as or instead of a donation, just because you dont want to do ss or dont agree with it does not mean that those that do want to do it can not.

Personally I couldnt afford either but thats not the point.

Looks like it's going that way ?