Sensitive subject

I think any rememberance of people no longer with us at a wedding is a lovely idea. However I can also understand your mums thoughts. As someone who recently had a year of cancer treatment myself, my dad having cancer and my son also all within 12 months, your post immediately made me cry and luckily we are all still here! Silly I know. I am much more of an emotional wuss lately.

I really DO think it's a beautiful idea but if I was at your wedding I would spend the service trying desperately not to look at it.

Maybe it's the shock of something you're not expecting? If you decide to go ahead with it how about mentioning it to people who have recently lost someone or come close to losing someone. That would maybe ensure it's not such an emotional hit on the day.

consider the placing of the chair. Someone has to sit next to it? If it's where you see it walking down the aisle will it upset you?

I'm sorry to hear about your friend,it's lovely that you still wish to involve her memory in your day. I can understand your mum's reaction, some may find the chair idea morbid but I don't think it's that uncommon for people to do it when they have lost somebody close. Are you close to your friends family? If they are coming to the wedding i would consider discussing it with them, or with friends of yours who were also close to her. It might help you gauge peoples reactions if you speak to the people who may find it most upsetting if your idea doesn't quite hit the mark. You could always consider alternatives like having a table with pictures of you, your partner and people close to you, including your friend, and incorporating your idea that way.

I can understand that seeing a chair and a sign would be a bit too blatant for some and I think it would upset me too.

at my first wedding I had a candle which had a poem and the name of my Grandad on it. The candle sat on the table alongside the gift book and card collection box and was there for people to see and read if they wished but not in their faces if they didn't.

could you put your sign somewhere a little less obvious maybe?

Thank you for your quick responses and kind words.

Firstly, Jayne E, I'm so sorry to hear of the pain your family has clearly gone

through over the years and yes, how amazing that you are all here still as a

family.

I guess I should consider what Rebekah would've wanted and I know for sure she

wouldnt have wanted me crying for her on my wedding day!

I hadn't thought about the 'who will end up sitting next to the chair' question

so thank you for raising that. Hmmm, I think I may have to have a rethink.

Aspenlady I think your idea of a candle and flowers is lovely and is definitely a

'softer' approach to remembering someone.

Many many thanks to you all. This is a tricky subject and hard to discuss with

close family members who know how emotional I still am about the subject.

Lx

Thanks Lorraine were all doing good at the moment. I'm sorry you lost your friend and understand you want to honour her in some way. Remember she would want you to have a happy day. A softer approach (much as the chair is a beautiful thought) might make for a less upsetting day for both you and your guests who will have experienced their own loses.

I like the idea of a sign and/or candle somewhere. A toast to absent friends doesn't have to be drawn out and upsetting. Remember she knows you loved her and will be thinking of her even if you do nothing!

Go with your gut feelings x

Another nice idea might be to attach a charm on your bouquet in her memory. X

I think it's a nice way to honour those who can't be there, but like other posters have said might be upsetting for some people, or strange for people who have never lost someone. My dad, and OHs nan passed away a few years ago and we are planning on doing a table with their photos and a candle on it as a little nod to them on the day. If it's important to you then you should find a way to incorporate it in to your day.

I am having a table with photos of both sets of parents and all 4 grandparents on their wedding day plus a sign similar to the one mentioned re heaven too far away as I want to celebrate not only our parents being happily married but to acknowledge the important role that they all had in our lives as three grandparents will not be there. Hopefully people will pass by the table and smile.

Hi, Im in the same position, one of my best friends died of cancer in may and I'm getting married in 6 weeks. we are giving cancer research flower seeds as favours and putting a dedication on the card to my friend.

I understand the 'feeling upset' seeing an empty chair, I really don't think i would cope with that.

I think the chair is a nice idea, a symbol of those who aren't there. Although I can see why it might be a bit upsetting for some. I was thinking of just having a candle with a ribbon round it and a note saying in memories of those that cannot be here today, or something like that.

I really want to do something similar and was wondering about having a sign next to a lantern. It would be for my partner's grandad really but am tempted to just not specify a name at all. Alternatively, I found another thing where they can mention something during the ceremony like:

Moment of Remembrance

Before we continue, the bride and groom have asked that we take a moment to honor those loved ones who could not be here today, especially those grandparents of [Name] and [Name] who have passed. They are here, in this moment, with us.
(Moment of Silence)

Not sure if this is worse though? :/ Really hard to decide what to do!

Kay, I'm going to pinch this remembrance reading if you don't mind as I sat reading the tears were just rolling down my face as I lost both my sister and mom and my OH has lost both his mom and dad.

It is a beautiful way to remember loved ones and I also going to memory charms as well for both of us

Awww, sorry to hear that

I originally pinched it from here: https://snippetandink.com/tradition-inspired-wedding-ceremony-ashley-chris/

Memory charms sound lovely too x

I'm sorry to hear about this. If you still want to do the chair idea. I have seen one where there is just a simple flower put on the chair instead, like this. Not too sure if this would help.

I love the chair with flowers on. It says it all really without a sign on it that can make everyone cry.

I think MrsFRtobe has a lovely idea with the seeds and a donation to a charity. Not only does it honour those not there but it is practical in that the money will help those affected by cancer or whatever charity you choose.

I also like the charm idea. You can get locket style ones that you could put a picture of your friend in.

I have bought that sign...

I understand where your mum is coming from but if thats what you want then have it.

Chances are there will be tears anyway, if people are going to cry,A sign saying that wouldnt make a difference.

Im putting mine on a memory table in the venue, just off to one side,

With pictures of our lost loved ones on. It wont be made a big fuss of just there so that those in heaven are still with us.

If you want it there just explain that it means alot to you to have it there and that at least your mum now has plenty of time o get used to the idea of it being there.

xxx

My dad died 3 months before my first wedding, it was an awful time, we didnt have anything specific to rememebr him by but it was still pretty fresh in everyones mind, i refused to talk about him on the morning and in the car on the way to the church my brother told me that my dad would be so proud but i had to stop him as to turn up to the church with mascara down my face wouldnt have helped!!

My borhters speech was lovely and even though he tried, he got upset, the whole recpetion was crying, my dad was there and was rememebred, but i found it wasier to forget why he wasnt there if that makes sense

so although i think your idea is lovely i would tend to agree with your mum, im an emotional person at the best of times and fighting back the tears now lol so would find it too upsetting for me