senstive issue - depression at its worst

Zoomo how awful. First things first, he has opened up to you so that's massive. I think you need to take this day by day, showing him that you are there for him and supporting him, maybe in a week or 2 you could plant the seed of him seeking professional help but at the moment I think he needs to be assured that he has your trust. Hopefully in time he will see that professional help is what he needs.

I'm sorry to hear this.

To be honest I think all you can do is keep trying to gently encourage him to go and get help. You can't force him.

I hope he can work up the courage to get some proper help soon, it's a lot for you to carry on your shoulders alone x

Hi Zoomo so sorry you are going through this....I have sent you an email via hitched, hope you get it x

Oh goodness. Hitched isn't famed for hugs but have one from me ((( ))).

He has put you in a horrible position by confiding in you and then telling you that he won't get help and you mustn't tell anyone...but you know that this is his illness talking don't you? You love him, not his depression. Separate the two in your mind. If he says something irrational, accept that this is the depression talking and work towards helping your man beat it.

Refusing treatment, refusing support isn't rational, and is therefore not him talking but the depression. You know what you need to do.

Wishing you all the strength you need xx

Thanks for your kind words ladies.

loadsagifts i have just got your email so thank you xxxx

i am going to go home now and see how he is at least i am off all weekend so that we can sit down and hopefully talk about it. it is mentally tough on me already but like alcoholism until that person admits they have an illness theres not much you can do.

i love him and i know the last few weeks when he has said vile things or started arguments it is the illness not him. im just hoping that by being supportive i can persuade him into getting professional help

i dont think this weekend will be a good on efor me i think its going to be long and draining but i have to keep smiling. x

I'm so sorry your both going through this, my brother had a relapse recently 2 years after his initial breakdown. He contact the crisis team. I dont know if you have something similar, this was my brothers support when he was first ill. Can you contact the medical professional who helped last time at all? The ill him may say he'll want nothing to do with you if you try and get him help but i think the well him would think differently.

Is it an option to get him to call the samaritans at all, they may help. I'm not sure how they work but they may also be able to advise you too. Were all here to give you support to this must be very hard for you xx

Sounds like a really tough situation for you, and you need to tread so carefully with him having suicidal thoughts. Perhaps suggest that he contact the samaritans or a similar organisation? You can even email them now, might be a good first step if he doesn't want to speak to his parents or his doctor. Ali xx

I'm afraid I have nothing useful to offer because I'm completely ignorant to depression and everything surrounding it, but I didn't want to read and run.

There are a lot of fantastic ladies around here that I'm sure will come along with wonderful advice though.

Have an internet weirdy hug from me ?

Zoomo, I'm so sorry xx

Ali (Simon and Alison) actually touches on a valid point - there's nothing to stop YOU contacting the Samaritans or similar - it could be really good to talk to someone about coping mechanisms and the best way to deal with the situation. You don't need to tell him that you've contacted them.

Zoomo I'm so sorry. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation to be faced with. I don't have any practical advice as I've no experience of depression. I hope you manage to work through this and come up with a plan to help you both deal with it. We are all here if you want to talk or offload.

Sorry to hear your difficult situation.

My dad has recently been diagnosed with depression and it's a really awful thing to even approach..

No advice really, just some big weirdy internet hugs ?

I can't add any advice, hope you can get the help and support you both need x

I can relate, my husband has depression issues, and has said similar things before when at crisis point.

First of all, it's a really good sign that he told you how he's feeling, it means deep down he knows he has a problem, and it's good that he feels he can open up to you. Don't put pressure on him to talk but make sure he knows he can talk to you. Try and be patient with him, I know how easy it is to get frustrated but it's the depression talking, not him.

Second of all, suicidal thoughts are very different to suicidal intention. Does he have a plan to kill himself, or is he pre-occupied with thoughts of suicide? Try not to panic, like I said before, just make sure he knows he can talk to you if he ever feels scared he might do something to hurt himself.

Third of all, has he said why he doesn't want to get help or talk to anyone? It might be worth talking to him about why he doesn't want help and what it is he's really afraid of.

Finally, and most importantly, make sure you have plenty of support for yourself, whether that be friends, family or professional support. There are quite a few good books written for partners of people with depression to help them cope.

Big hugs ? xx

I can't offer any advice but wanted to say hope you both get the support you need. Hugs xx

Zoomo13, as he has had a breakdown before he seems to understand the symptoms. His reservation in contacting specialist help could be that he doesn't want to repeat his previous experience of 'help' or doesn't think he deserves help. I didn't want to be in hospital when I was depressed but it gave me a severe shot of reality and motivated me to get my depression under control. My opinion is that you should contact his parents and the relevant team to get him help. Yes, he might just have notions of ending his life but small things can tip that into actually trying to end life. He self-harms which in itself needs intervention. His mental health and safety is most important.

He could be grateful you stepped in to help him but I'm sure you'll just want him to be better.

Sorry to hear this. Nothing to add, didn't want to read and run.

I really feel for you Zoomo my Dad went through this when I was younger. I didn't really understand at the time and all I can remember is visiting him in hospital and him saying strange things. Plus hoping he would come home for christmas. When I was older I found out just how bad it was and how hard it was for him. Gladly he has been fine since then.

Your OH needs help. I'm not sure how you can force him but I feel that you need to do something. You say he's said he will leave you if you do it, but I believe this is not really him talking. If he gets the help and manages to get off rock bottom, then I think he will thank you for your help. I know it can make people do and say strange things.

I wish you all the best with whatever you choose. I hope you have someone you are close to that you can talk to. You will need help and support with this too.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice, also special thanks to those that sent messages (confidentiality will remain) its been a very tough, emotional, draining, tiring weekend.

however we have made prgoress OH is going to doctors this morning for some help. however it took a lot to get him to go,he is worried that he will loose his part time job and then we will be worse off than we are now. i told him they cant fire you if you are ill and have a doctors note.

i dont think iv ever been more pleased than this morning to come to work. i need a break.

iv not slept or really eaten over the weekend but i can cope with that now that he is gettign help.

thank you all again xxxx

Zoomo, I am so pleased to see this update. This weekend must have been so hard for both of you but I can't tell you how happy I am that he's decided to seek help.

Stay strong, lovely. x

Exactly what Kharv said. It is a huge step forward for you both. I am so pleased he is going to the doctors. Hope he gets some good help and support so you can move forward and find the best ways to cope. We are only a post away whenever you need to talk x

Glad you've managed to make a breakthrough. It's all steps in the right direction. xx

So pleased for you both that he's taken the brave first step :-).

He has been to see a doctor who has signed him off for a week and booked him another appointment for next week where she has told him she will sign him off for longer than a week at a time however she wants to see him weekly regardless.

he said he feels more positive about it (this lady doctor is super nice,friendly, supportive, i really like her) she gave him lots of advice and contacts, apparently there is a big push from the government towards mental health issues so she is referring him to a counsellor free of charge and we just take it day by day.

Oh Zoomo, what a heartbreaking situation, although I am glad to see a positive update. It's great that he has found a doctor he can talk to, and that they are now looking for weekly updates from him. Hopefully the counselling will make a difference, I just finished my last NHS session today, and while I'm not quite there yet, it has helped enormously. Try to take some time out for you though, try not to burn yourself out. It must be so exhausting, but you need to look after your own health ?

Hoping to see many more positive updates from you, x

I thought i would give an update as its been over a week since i last wrote.

this last week or so has been the most hardest i have ever had to deal with.? me and OH have argued every day apart from yesterday. i know its not him arguing with me but the illness but it hasnt stopped me questioning to myself our relationship. i wont walk away from this as i truly love him and know that right now he is not himself.

its just blooming hard when all i do is say one sentence and wham and arguement starts. one arguement had me breakdown in the middle of the kitchen floor closely followed by OH breaking down in tears too. ? im finding it very hard not to scream and shout and am having to bite my tongue.

iv also had to force him to go out over the weekend which he did enjoy once he was out.

only good thing to have happened is that he has been referred for counselling but this isnt until september.

thank you all for your wonderful and helpful advice xx

Zoomo you're doing really well. It is going to be hard but your OH will come out of this. Really pleased to hear about the counselling.

Come and here and vent all you need to x

Zoomo, so sorry its being so hard on you. Glad he has had his appointment through but could you phone the doc and speak with them explaining what is happening and how you are feeling. they may be able to bring the appointment forward if possible? Try and stay strong and as others have said we are all here for you.

Thanks for coming back with an update Zoomo, it must be unbelievably hard for you both.

You are making progress though and that is what counts, September will be here before you know it.

Stay strong as you can, we are here whenever you need to talk love x