Sexism in Giving Notice

Done with bells on!

I have just signed this. I too thought this was atrocious. My mom was with me when I went to pay our church deposit and the vicar ran through some details including asking dsds details.

We asked why this was as we both had moms too and even he agreed that the forms were very outdated and needed serious review.

Lets hope more people sign this. My mom is giving me away so if she has a right to do that, she has a right to have her name included on forms x

Exactly! My Mum and MIL are our witnesses when we get married, so why don't they deserve to be noted when giving notice?

It actually doesn't bother me. It's just tradition, like the tradition of fathers giving their daughters away or the bride taking the groom's surname. I suspect it may have originated partly because women were chattels and partly because using the father's full name made it easier to trace the history of the family in times when record-keeping was not what it is today. It's not as though it makes any practical difference - except, of course, if the bride or groom's father has passed away or is estranged, in which case putting "parent's full name and occupation" might make it more tactful. If there were other, practical implications I'd probably feel differently.

I think its the principle of the matter. My Mother is just as important as my Father. And yes its done because its tradition, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't change. If we let little things like this stand because 'its tradition', what else will we let pass because its easier to keep it than it is to change it. It also doesn't accommodate same sex families who have children through adoption or through donor sperm. What do those children put when they have no father?

It actually doesn't bother me that much, even though my father and I are estranged and my mum is giving me away, I guess it makes me more sad than angry from that point of view.

i have signed the petition though as I agree with the comments about same sex adoptions, and sperm doners etc and also from the point of view that there may very well (and sadly again) be more sensitive issues why someone doesn't know who their father is etc

xx

Church in misogyny shocker

Definitely agree. My H2B doesn't know anything about his father so it's gonna be a sensitive issue for him. And I think it should be changed on principle anyway. I'm not taking my H2B's surname or being 'given away' either - I'm not property!

It's not a church thing, civil ceremonies are exactly the same.

It doesn't really bother me, I don't think it's an equal rights issue because it's not like it affects my mum at all not having her details on my marriage certificate. I don't think parents details are necessary at all though, for all the reasons already stated above about complex modern families.

Really, the whole concept of giving notice/having the banns read is silly and outdated anyway.

This must be different in Scotland as we definately had to put our mothers occupations

As Peanut said this isn't exclusive to Church, it's for civil ceremonies too. A bit of a bold and misguided statement really............

Strange how the system varies. We had to give both mothers' occupations in Scotland.

I found it a very awkward and difficult question as my father has been absent most of my life, he's never met my 2 year old son and has had no part in my upbringing and has no right to be on my marriage certificate! I've put my step dad down but that even felt uncomfortable for me, would've felt more at ease putting my mum down. It really upset me having my 'dad' brought in and ruining my day actually had a cry when I got home, but ho hum!

I have to say it doesn't bother me either. My mum is fully aware of her importance and equality with my dad and we are all aware that she is, as all women in fact, superior ?. However, if and ehen my son gets martied there will be no father details for him to write down, unless my h2b adopts him (yes, I'm a hussy lol) so what hapoens them? In this day and age I think it needs changing more for practical reasons than for equality x

I've signed it because of the practical reasons mentioned before but I can't say it affects me either way

Great thinking and an important topic! There's a lot of sexism in the marriage process anyway, stuff like being given away by your father, essentially being passed from one man to another. Tsk.

I have signed it, although I'm already married so it doesn't "affect" me as such. I agree it's outdated and is a simple change to make which sends a message about equality not just between the sexes but also of different family setups.

When I made my appointment to give notice to get married, they asked "is it a civil partnership or a marriage?" when i mentioned my OH's name. Bet none of you were asked that were you!?

Isn't that just because as a same sex couple you can now choose between a civil partnership and a marriage?

I was asked if I wanted my father's name and occupation on the certificate and said yes as I'm fine with it. I'm not really concerned about it as an equality issue - the whole process is kind of odd and outdated as are most wedding traditions imo.

Civil partnerships and marriages are now available to everyone .. in the name of equality!

We had to give notice twice (change of venue) and weren't asked about either of our parents on both occasions.

Signed! I found this quite irritating when we were giving notice. My mum brought me up and my dad has barely been involved, yet its his details that go on the paperwork. Don't get me wrong I get on alright with my Dad but my mums done everything and doesn't get mentioned! Anyway...done!

It really doesn't bother me. Getting married is an ancient tradition, and this part of it is more for genealogy than anything else nowadays - as a history graduate, I can appreciate it why it is the father's name and it will make things so much easier if your great great great grandchildren want to track you.

Signed, and I sent it to the everyday sexism twitter account, although I don't think they've picked up on it. My dad passed away six years ago, so what on earth is the sense in having his name and previous occupation on the marriage application? Before I started the process I didn't mind the traditions, but now I'm actually quite narky about it. And I think you've got a really valid point about same sex parents.

This!

And i'm in Scotland too and had to put both parents names & occupations.

Not sure what you mean? Civil partnerships are only available to same sex couples, marriage to both. So presumably you were offered the choice when the registrar realised you were a same sex couple.

I haven't seen my dad in over 10 years so didn't want to put his name on but they wouldn't let me add my mum. Hardly fair! I feel like I've missed out.

I've more than happily signed the petition. Thank you for doing this and I will share the link on my Facebook.

x

This is similar for me. My 'Dad' has been absent from my life since I was 4, also leaving my 2 year old sister and his 7 months pregnant wife! He lives abroad as well and the only way I knew his occupation was through a Facebook search...awful isn't it? They asked me if I wanted my stepdad on there (got two to choose from!) but they are even worse. Really didn't want any of those men being on it but never mind. I put my biological father on it and made myself feel better by saying it's because I have his surname.

But if that's the case why do they give the option to put stepdads on it? I never had he same surname as either of mine...presumably making it harder to track? None of it makes sense.

This really bothered me too. My parents split up when I was ten and then my dad made the minimum effort to see me and my sister. I haven't heard from him since I was 20. When I gave notice, I mentioned this and the lady says he doesn't have to be on there at all. So there is no mention of my dad. However, I would have liked the option to have my mum's details. They should change the forms to include both parents.

I just didn't put my father on it as I didn't see what relevance he had to my legal ceremony, he wasn't there, has never been there so therefore forfeited the right to be on it!